Please Contribute: Living With An Alcoholic
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Please Contribute: Living With An Alcoholic
I am trying to look on the bright side of alcoholic & addicted XBF leaving. We were supposed to get married and were already living together, which was pretty stressful to say the least. I was hoping you would post the things you dislike or even hate about living with an active alcoholic, so that I can clearly see the "bullet" I dodged. I'll start the list by saying I very much disliked always being the one to make all the decisions. In this relationship, if it was to be it was up to me. Though, of course, he would "help."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
Why don't you reread the "what normies don't know" list? That helps me remember how awful it was. It's a pretty comprehensive list of awfulness, or at least is for me.
I know you're not a normie, but still. It's a good thread.
Hugs.
I know you're not a normie, but still. It's a good thread.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
oh lord learn
Being lied to constantly.
Conversations that would go round and round until I just gave up.
The finger pointing, the ego stroking, walking on eggshells, not knowing if I was coming or going.
The Silent Treatment
I could go on. I probably will.
Being lied to constantly.
Conversations that would go round and round until I just gave up.
The finger pointing, the ego stroking, walking on eggshells, not knowing if I was coming or going.
The Silent Treatment
I could go on. I probably will.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Me ex did nothing to clean up after himself. I had to clean the toilet after a grown man makes a mess in there. Disgusting.
Having sex with someone who oozes stinking toxins all over and wants to kiss!
No respect for me as a woman, or as his wife.
Just a little of a long list.
Having sex with someone who oozes stinking toxins all over and wants to kiss!
No respect for me as a woman, or as his wife.
Just a little of a long list.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Oh my goodness L2L where do I start....
Not being able to breath with fear as he goes up or down the stairs for fear he'll kill himself & I'll have to mop up the mess.
The snoring, even from the other bedroom, causing sleepless nights and exhaustion.
The sore throats from the utterly pointless shouting/fighting.
The disappointments and promises broken - "Let's go for dinner tonight when you get home from work, my treat" - only to find him falling around the house or asleep when I get home.
My beautiful, self-designed, self-built (kind of) house which has never become a home.
The urine soaked toilet floor/seat, bed covers, cushions etc.
The lies, lies, lies about not having touched a drop.
The three words "How DARE you"........
The fact that the one person who should be minding you when you are sad/worried is usually the person who is causing the bulk of your problems/sadness/worries
The filth he leaves everywhere he goes
Having the responsibility for absolutely everything on my shoulders
The poor me, victim B******T mentality
Not remembering ANYTHING I ever tell him
The loneliness, even when he is sitting 5 feet away
Not being able to invite anyone to my house, and being freaked out if someone randomly calls
Lying to everyone I loved or even knew about everything
Listening to rambling BS that makes no sense while he looks through you almost as if you're not there
I think I better stop now
Not being able to breath with fear as he goes up or down the stairs for fear he'll kill himself & I'll have to mop up the mess.
The snoring, even from the other bedroom, causing sleepless nights and exhaustion.
The sore throats from the utterly pointless shouting/fighting.
The disappointments and promises broken - "Let's go for dinner tonight when you get home from work, my treat" - only to find him falling around the house or asleep when I get home.
My beautiful, self-designed, self-built (kind of) house which has never become a home.
The urine soaked toilet floor/seat, bed covers, cushions etc.
The lies, lies, lies about not having touched a drop.
The three words "How DARE you"........
The fact that the one person who should be minding you when you are sad/worried is usually the person who is causing the bulk of your problems/sadness/worries
The filth he leaves everywhere he goes
Having the responsibility for absolutely everything on my shoulders
The poor me, victim B******T mentality
Not remembering ANYTHING I ever tell him
The loneliness, even when he is sitting 5 feet away
Not being able to invite anyone to my house, and being freaked out if someone randomly calls
Lying to everyone I loved or even knew about everything
Listening to rambling BS that makes no sense while he looks through you almost as if you're not there
I think I better stop now
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 266
there are oh, so many, but i'll limit it...
1. being begged to move in, and then unceremoniously (and impulsively) kicked out.
2. being responsible for the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, and most of the yardwork because i like living in a well-maintained home.
3. being awakened in the middle of the night because he was fumbling with the lock on the front door, and having to get out of bed to unlock it.
4. being awakened in the middle of the night because he forgot the house alarm was set and opened the backdoor (sorry, neighbors, for the two a.m. sirens!!!).
5. being kicked, elbowed, and punched in my sleep.
6. having his ex-wife's song sung to me, and being called her name.
7. spending countless nights in front of the t.v. feeling trapped because he had fallen asleep on my lap and waking him up would mean he would drink more.
8. knowing that on long nights for me, i would come home only to find he had had more to drink because i was gone.
9. always wondering if he really wanted me there, because i was told so often that i "disrupted" his routine.
10. being accused of lying and cheating, when i had done neither.
11. not being able to count on him for anything. if it was important to me, he almost always managed to squirm his way out of it, or make me feel bad for wanting it.
12. being constantly told how i felt and having decisions made FOR me. this REALLY irks me.
13. being told that he couldn't figure out things for us to do as a couple (because i don't drink), and turning down EVERY suggestion i had.
14. projecting his anger and shame onto me.
15. being told that everything in the relationship that went wrong was because of me and my insecurities, all while feeding those insecurities.
16. being lied to repeatedly.
17. trying to catch me hacking into his fb (which i did not do) by writing a message to his boss claiming to have herpes and being afraid to tell me about it, and having his boss respond that he really needed to tell me. btw...it was bogus, and he confessed it all that night.
18. him actually hacking into his mother's fb account so that he could spy on me. during TWO break-ups.
19. being told that "mean is the only thing" that will shut me up, that i deserve to be treated poorly, and that i will make any man i am with miserable.
20. being told, by him, that he is basically a saint.
man...his actions AND his words sure were loud!!!!
1. being begged to move in, and then unceremoniously (and impulsively) kicked out.
2. being responsible for the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, and most of the yardwork because i like living in a well-maintained home.
3. being awakened in the middle of the night because he was fumbling with the lock on the front door, and having to get out of bed to unlock it.
4. being awakened in the middle of the night because he forgot the house alarm was set and opened the backdoor (sorry, neighbors, for the two a.m. sirens!!!).
5. being kicked, elbowed, and punched in my sleep.
6. having his ex-wife's song sung to me, and being called her name.
7. spending countless nights in front of the t.v. feeling trapped because he had fallen asleep on my lap and waking him up would mean he would drink more.
8. knowing that on long nights for me, i would come home only to find he had had more to drink because i was gone.
9. always wondering if he really wanted me there, because i was told so often that i "disrupted" his routine.
10. being accused of lying and cheating, when i had done neither.
11. not being able to count on him for anything. if it was important to me, he almost always managed to squirm his way out of it, or make me feel bad for wanting it.
12. being constantly told how i felt and having decisions made FOR me. this REALLY irks me.
13. being told that he couldn't figure out things for us to do as a couple (because i don't drink), and turning down EVERY suggestion i had.
14. projecting his anger and shame onto me.
15. being told that everything in the relationship that went wrong was because of me and my insecurities, all while feeding those insecurities.
16. being lied to repeatedly.
17. trying to catch me hacking into his fb (which i did not do) by writing a message to his boss claiming to have herpes and being afraid to tell me about it, and having his boss respond that he really needed to tell me. btw...it was bogus, and he confessed it all that night.
18. him actually hacking into his mother's fb account so that he could spy on me. during TWO break-ups.
19. being told that "mean is the only thing" that will shut me up, that i deserve to be treated poorly, and that i will make any man i am with miserable.
20. being told, by him, that he is basically a saint.
man...his actions AND his words sure were loud!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
1. Not knowing if jeykell or hyde would be coming for dinner.
2. I was always nervous and on edge before we would go out. Instead of looking forward to a party or get together, my mind would be worrying about "just how drunk is he going to get tonight."
3. Waking up the next morning and feeling a sense of embarrassment for his unacceptable behavior.
4. Isolation and avoidance, refer to # 2 and 3. I no longer wanted to be seen in public with him.
5.Holidays were the worst, what an excuse for him to go overboard, thinking he was just being social and festive.
6.The blackouts. If he did not remember, it did not happen, therefore I was lying and making up all this crazy sh*t, I remember him saying, "Annie nobody does that."
7. The total lack of respect. Why I thought he would respect me, when he could not respect himself still boggles my mind.
Oh boy I could go on and on,..............
2. I was always nervous and on edge before we would go out. Instead of looking forward to a party or get together, my mind would be worrying about "just how drunk is he going to get tonight."
3. Waking up the next morning and feeling a sense of embarrassment for his unacceptable behavior.
4. Isolation and avoidance, refer to # 2 and 3. I no longer wanted to be seen in public with him.
5.Holidays were the worst, what an excuse for him to go overboard, thinking he was just being social and festive.
6.The blackouts. If he did not remember, it did not happen, therefore I was lying and making up all this crazy sh*t, I remember him saying, "Annie nobody does that."
7. The total lack of respect. Why I thought he would respect me, when he could not respect himself still boggles my mind.
Oh boy I could go on and on,..............
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
I never lived the two addicts in my life, but what disturbed me the most was the lying, gaslighting, blame and just that they made no f*cking sense!
The lying though was horrible. It put me on the crazy train to mental town
The lying though was horrible. It put me on the crazy train to mental town
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