onefootoutdoor

One of the most common pieces of advice I'm finding on these boards is to go to Al Anon so tonight I mustered up my courage and I went. I thought there would be more people there, and maybe it's a good thing there wasn't. At the meeting they advised to go at least 6 times before deciding if it was of help to us, so I am going to take their advice. For the first meeting, I found it helpful, but there's only so much you can cover in 1 hour.

I took several of the pamphlets they offer and I went ahead and purchased "One day at a time in Al Anon" to start reading over. I've already purchased "Get your loved one sober" on my kindle, from advice gleaned on this board, so I have a lot to go over.

My AH has yet to take that first step. Since I gave him the ultimatum on Sunday, he says he doesn't have any urges to drink yet so he doesn't feel the need to call anyone. It hasn't even been a week yet, so maybe he is waiting for it to get harder to resist a drink before calling someone, which will most likely be this weekend. He did ask me if Al Anon was just for the family and not the alcoholic, and I said yes, and that AA is for the alcoholic, so maybe it will spur him to go to a meeting himself.

I think these meetings will help me so I'm committing to going for awhile. We'll see how it goes!

DefofLov

Congrats! It has definitely helped me a lot. There is only so much you can cover in one hour. That is why we have the phone list and the readings. Good for you on purchasing the books. Keep taking care of you and going for you. The purpose of Al-Anon is to be okay whether the A is, or not.

DestinyM

Congrats... Read, read, read that's what helps me especially during those difficult days. My RAH isn't actively drinking but kinda quit AA around 8 months so now I have a "sober" husband with an alcoholic mind. The only thing that gets me through each day is Al Anon. It's taught me how to ignore alot of stuff by focusing on me.

I found Al Anon before my RAH hit his bottom and went to detox. It was the program that taught me to set boundaries not give him ultimatums since that just made him sneaky. The slogans and steps showed me how to get by and that I needed recovery just as much as him. I could get crazy without alcohol.

Remember you didn't CAUSE it, you can't CONTROL it and you can't CURE it. Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME and look for PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and remember help is just a phone call, a meeting or a post away.

GettingBy

You are heading in a good/positive direction!! Good for you!

Learn2Live

I am glad that you have taken this step to go to Al-Anon for yourself. Keep going back, you will begin to learn and your eyes will begin to open.

I have never found ultimatums to cause anyone to choose to stop living their life the way they want to.

m1k3

I just want to second what everyone has already said. For me al-anon was a life saver. Sometimes progress seems slow but when I look back on where I was a year ago the difference is amazing.

One slogan that really helped me was "Take what you want and leave the rest". Sometimes I would get hung up or confused by other people's sharing until I learned that what was being said wasn't directed at me or necessarily helpful for my level of recovery.

So, keep coming back.

Your friend,

painfully

Congratulations!
It's a big and important step. Remember this is for you.