lks

Hi...I'm just new to this forum. I'm looking for 'some' kind of support. I'm living with my boyfriend who is an alcoholic. He has admitted he has a problem, & we are going thru the steps to get him treatment. (a very slow process since he is on welfare. I'm proud of the steps hes made & I want to see him make a full recovery. But the the 'everyday' things in between the appointments & waiting to find out what his options will be...is simply driving me crazy. He drinks anywhere from 16 - 24 beer per day. Lots of days you can't even notice...but I notice cuz I can't stop counting how many cans are empty. He is on welfare & all of his money goes to beer. He can't buy anything else for himself or me. I pay for everything...yes I know...stupid. Him & his mother say I don't support him when I say I wont buy any more beer or whatever it is he needs. How am I supporting him, if I'm buying what is hurting both of us?? I just am trying to find ways to 'cope' while we work & wait thru this process. Any suggestions??

Alucard

Wow. Good luck, you are in for a hell of a boring, hellish and maddening ride. Filled with stress and anxiety, and let downs, not to mention frustration. "You pay for everything" you are an enabler, you are the reason he is able to function as a pathetic alcoholic. Women, are different than men. I put up with the same BS as you with an AW for aproximatley 4 weeks before I told her "it's over, its all over"....thats all I had tolerance for, but she was a final stages alcoholic, her legal and financial status were in ruins, and she has lost about 3 different homes including one just last month and is ready to get her car repo'd...her health is in the toilet as well, she has ulcers, constant nausea, cannot hold down or tolerate solid food, has an extended stomach and is losing her hair because of malnourishment. and is drinking anywhere from 6-18 drinks (beer and vodka) daily. She is an unemployed convicted felon. She has two warrants out for her arrest in 2 counties, but she has 9 lives and lands on her feet. I got the paperwork today to serve her. You are a woman, which means you will put up with this crap for decades, not weeks like me. All I can say is good luck, and say goodbye to peace, serenity and your own sanity.

dollydo

My suggestion is to let his mommy take care of him. He is using you and you are allowing it.

If he goes to rehab, stays clean and sober for at least one year and continues to work
a strong recovery program I just might consider taking him back...if he has a job and
can support himself...otherwise...it would be a no go.

I would suggest that you read Codependent No More and read all the stickeys at the
top of this and the Family & Friends of substance Abusers forum, lots of helpful
information at your fingertips.

He is an adult, this is his problem to resolve, not yours until you stop enabling him, he
will never seek recovery, not my rules, just how it works.



As it stands now, you have no future with this guy.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.

I will share one of my favorite sticky posts with you. (stickies are the permanent posts at the top of this main page) I followed these steps and found my serenity:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

CeciliaV

Taking care of him does not equal buying him beer - you're doing the right thing by not giving him him what he "needs." And if he's a grown man, he should be supporting himself!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, first and foremost. If he's serious about quitting drinking, he will. There are plenty of no or low cost resources available out there, he's just got to put down the beer and GO!

FifiRhubarb

Cecilia you are awesome

neferkamichael

Pleae don't let mother make you feel quilty for his problems

Amber23

I feel ya....same thing over here. Is here going to AA?

my AH started going, but hasn't stopped drinking...sigh

painfully

Oh goodness, I really feel for you.
Sometimes it may sound/read like a broken record but please go to Al anon. The decision of whether to leave or stay is entirely yours to make, but Al anon will help you heal so you can make that decision from a place of strength rather than weakness.

I wish I could say that if it was me, I wouldn't buy him a damn thing. But, I supported my family through years of my husband's drinking, pot smoking and crack smoking so clearly I can't say that.

Try your hardest to make decisions from a place of what is best for you. If want to walk this journey with him, then do it because it is what you decide is the right thing for you.