Stuck to my own boundary and rule!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Stuck to my own boundary and rule!
AH is up to his old tricks again, trying to get money out of me. He emailed me yesterday, and I opened it (this was not the boundary I am referring to). He was asking for $1400 to pay for a hearing aide and it had a copy of his hearing test. This is his new angle, he's deaf. He's not really he has some hearing loss and it was never bad enough to prompt him to do anything and it didn't hinder his job. Now he is claiming he needs hearing aids or he won't be able to work. I felt so bad reading it. But I swore I wouldn't give him money without thinking about it for 24 hrs and leaning on some of my support people. Who said his hearing could not have deteriorated that drastically over 3 mo.
Then this morning the car insurance agent called to ask what we are doing with the policy since AH is not a resident of this state. She said AH asked her to try to convince me to pay for his car insurance.
I did not give him money or even answer his email. I had a new car insurance policy drawn up for myself and did not pay for his. I feel better, guilt almost gone! I know it is kind of lame but he is manipulating and working angles hard.
Then this morning the car insurance agent called to ask what we are doing with the policy since AH is not a resident of this state. She said AH asked her to try to convince me to pay for his car insurance.
I did not give him money or even answer his email. I had a new car insurance policy drawn up for myself and did not pay for his. I feel better, guilt almost gone! I know it is kind of lame but he is manipulating and working angles hard.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Originally Posted by anvilhead 
how about a revision on that boundary:
i will NOT give ANY money to my AH under ANY circumstances. period.
not for hearing aids, prosthetic legs, or emergency appendectomies. i will not give him $50 or $5, i am no longer a financial option for him.
i will NOT give ANY money to my AH under ANY circumstances. period.
not for hearing aids, prosthetic legs, or emergency appendectomies. i will not give him $50 or $5, i am no longer a financial option for him.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Damn, he is a clever one. lol How long until his next tactic? Tic Toc! 
Your are doing so awesome! Stay strong and put you and the kids first.
P.S. My sister (same profession) raised 3 girls/princesses on her salary....including cell phones, mani/pedi's, clothes, vacations, etc. He was your biggest financial drain and liability. You got this!!
Your are doing so awesome! Stay strong and put you and the kids first.
P.S. My sister (same profession) raised 3 girls/princesses on her salary....including cell phones, mani/pedi's, clothes, vacations, etc. He was your biggest financial drain and liability. You got this!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I am so very sick of giving money to alcoholics and addicts so that they can do what they need to do in order to become who it is they claim to be or who they are supposed to have been in the first place.
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live
I think I am bitter. They are such parasites.
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Well the day after he turned off my cell because I wouldn't give him 3k, he claimed he needed the money for hearing aids and because his vision was worse and he needed new glasses. I said WTF are you Helen Keller now. Is he going to be signing in my hand next? My dad said I should buy him a white cane and a tin cup so he can get a job. It's been 2 1/2 months since I have seen him in person. Last time I saw him he wasn't anymore hard of hearing or vision than he was previously. He has had some hearing loss our entire marriage and has never did anything about it. In fact when he showed at my brothers house he had around 2k worth of spice/K2. And that isn't counting all he used previously, or all the medical bills he has run up drug seeking- oxy, Ritalin, adderal, ssri's, weight loss drugs...etc. imagine if he had just redirected that money to hearing aids and new glasses.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by FindingErica
Well the day after he turned off my cell because I wouldn't give him 3k, he claimed he needed the money for hearing aids and because his vision was worse and he needed new glasses. I said WTF are you Helen Keller now. Is he going to be signing in my hand next? My dad said I should buy him a white cane and a tin cup so he can get a job. It's been 2 1/2 months since I have seen him in person. Last time I saw him he wasn't anymore hard of hearing or vision than he was previously. He has had some hearing loss our entire marriage and has never did anything about it. In fact when he showed at my brothers house he had around 2k worth of spice/K2. And that isn't counting all he used previously, or all the medical bills he has run up drug seeking- oxy, Ritalin, adderal, ssri's, weight loss drugs...etc. imagine if he had just redirected that money to hearing aids and new glasses.
You crack me up!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Erica, do you notice something? Think about the last several times you have had communication with him. Notice the tactics he is using on you, and what part of you he is appealing to. They know us very well. They know what to do to get us to do what it is they want us to do. In this case he is appealing to your what? Sense of responsibility toward him? Your willingness to help someone with a medical problem? Is he trying to get you to feel sorry for him?
My point is, learn about yourself and your vulnerabilities. Use these observations to strengthen yourself.
I'm so glad you didn't fall for it.
My point is, learn about yourself and your vulnerabilities. Use these observations to strengthen yourself.
I'm so glad you didn't fall for it.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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L2L,
I'm an RN so he does try to get to that medical, care taker part of me. In fact one of his tactics has been to tell me he had an "illness" and what kind of nurse am I to kick him when he is fighting a disease. Yes, he does work the care taking angle a lot.
I'm an RN so he does try to get to that medical, care taker part of me. In fact one of his tactics has been to tell me he had an "illness" and what kind of nurse am I to kick him when he is fighting a disease. Yes, he does work the care taking angle a lot.
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