Finally had "The Talk' with my boyfriend
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Finally had "The Talk' with my boyfriend
Sorry if this post is long, but I talked to him....
I had to leave work early today because this fear just hit me, and I started getting nausea and shaking . Came home and had a good cry and I don’t even know why.
I was so worried about how awful the conversation would be, but it went really easy once I got started. I waited last night until I thought we were in a really comfortable place ready to share our vulnerabilities, and I asked him again how he was feeling because I knew he had been through a lot of stressful situations in the last month. I said that I sensed he was struggling a little, I knew that some things had happened to trigger him, and I wanted him to know that he could talk to me about anything and that I would understand. He was all nice and sweet and said that yes he had been reminded a lot of using, thinking about all he had lost, and how hard he has worked to rebuild, and after all that he was still having some mental desires to use again. But he said he was ok, and that he had it under control and that I didn’t need to worry about it. That he didn’t want me to worry.
Then I just told him that a couple weeks prior I had opened his duffle bag to get the laundry and I had seen some needles. But that I hadn’t said anything because I knew that if he had anything to tell me, then he would when he was ready. Except that honestly Id been really worried about it, and I needed him to explain.
He said it wasn’t what it looked like, and he wasn’t using any drugs. That he was tempted, but he knew what he had to lose, and he didn’t want to go down that road again. He said that after some things had happened (and I knew what he meant); that he had really been thinking about it, and he had an appointment with the family doctor about three weeks ago (which is true I know for certain) and while he was there he said he took a handful of syringes and needles. I asked if he meant he stole them and he kinda laughed and said he guessed so. But he said the syringes had saline in them and they were individually sealed in plastic, and the needles were new and capped, and screwed on when you wanted to use them, and then you recapped and threw them out.
He said that along with craving the high, he had been craving injecting the needle and the whole process of shooting up because it used to bring him this calm. He said he has only been injecting the saline , and a couple of times vitamin b. He said the only thing it does it fill this craving of the needle, and that it is completely safe, there is no high, there is no risk of dirty needles. That he would never do anything to put me at risk, and he was so sorry that I had been so worried, but he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t come to him and just ask. I said well, why didn’t you come to me and tell me your cravings were that bad requiring something like this. So I mean we both made mistakes.
He said that he has started going to his psychiatrist twice a week again, and he is trying to work through his feelings. I asked him if he told the doctor about what he was doing with the shooting up the saline, and he said no. He hadn’t told him that part yet, but he had been discussing the feelings that were behind it and that was all that mattered. I asked him if he told anyone, and he said that he told his best friend, but hadn’t told him how many times he had done it.
I asked him how many times he had done this, and he said that he had taken about a dozen syringes, and needles, and he had used all of them except a couple. He showed them to me. The syringe is marked right on it that it contains normal saline for iv 5 ml in 12ml syringe. Rx only, and it is wrapped in what looks like factory sealed plastic. And the needles are so you screw them on, and then you pull the cap off. He also had a plastic band that he took that you use to tie your arm before injecting, and I asked him about the alcohol packs and he said he bought them at the store. And he also confessed that this is not the first time that he has swiped the stuff from the doctors office. That he did it a while back too.
So Im very relieved that he told me the truth. Im relieved he is not getting high and back to using drugs, but I know for him to be doing this is just a sign of how vulnerable he still is to the drugs and Im so afraid for him. I asked him if there was anything I could do, and he said just keep loving him, and give him time.
I have read about how people form a bond with the needle, but never read about anyone taking it this far. I googled it, and found a few mentions about people injecting water, or other things to fill that void; some people used really weird stuff, so I guess saline is the best option. But still….. only someone on ther verge of relapse would do this wouldn’t they?
I had to leave work early today because this fear just hit me, and I started getting nausea and shaking . Came home and had a good cry and I don’t even know why.
I was so worried about how awful the conversation would be, but it went really easy once I got started. I waited last night until I thought we were in a really comfortable place ready to share our vulnerabilities, and I asked him again how he was feeling because I knew he had been through a lot of stressful situations in the last month. I said that I sensed he was struggling a little, I knew that some things had happened to trigger him, and I wanted him to know that he could talk to me about anything and that I would understand. He was all nice and sweet and said that yes he had been reminded a lot of using, thinking about all he had lost, and how hard he has worked to rebuild, and after all that he was still having some mental desires to use again. But he said he was ok, and that he had it under control and that I didn’t need to worry about it. That he didn’t want me to worry.
Then I just told him that a couple weeks prior I had opened his duffle bag to get the laundry and I had seen some needles. But that I hadn’t said anything because I knew that if he had anything to tell me, then he would when he was ready. Except that honestly Id been really worried about it, and I needed him to explain.
He said it wasn’t what it looked like, and he wasn’t using any drugs. That he was tempted, but he knew what he had to lose, and he didn’t want to go down that road again. He said that after some things had happened (and I knew what he meant); that he had really been thinking about it, and he had an appointment with the family doctor about three weeks ago (which is true I know for certain) and while he was there he said he took a handful of syringes and needles. I asked if he meant he stole them and he kinda laughed and said he guessed so. But he said the syringes had saline in them and they were individually sealed in plastic, and the needles were new and capped, and screwed on when you wanted to use them, and then you recapped and threw them out.
He said that along with craving the high, he had been craving injecting the needle and the whole process of shooting up because it used to bring him this calm. He said he has only been injecting the saline , and a couple of times vitamin b. He said the only thing it does it fill this craving of the needle, and that it is completely safe, there is no high, there is no risk of dirty needles. That he would never do anything to put me at risk, and he was so sorry that I had been so worried, but he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t come to him and just ask. I said well, why didn’t you come to me and tell me your cravings were that bad requiring something like this. So I mean we both made mistakes.
He said that he has started going to his psychiatrist twice a week again, and he is trying to work through his feelings. I asked him if he told the doctor about what he was doing with the shooting up the saline, and he said no. He hadn’t told him that part yet, but he had been discussing the feelings that were behind it and that was all that mattered. I asked him if he told anyone, and he said that he told his best friend, but hadn’t told him how many times he had done it.
I asked him how many times he had done this, and he said that he had taken about a dozen syringes, and needles, and he had used all of them except a couple. He showed them to me. The syringe is marked right on it that it contains normal saline for iv 5 ml in 12ml syringe. Rx only, and it is wrapped in what looks like factory sealed plastic. And the needles are so you screw them on, and then you pull the cap off. He also had a plastic band that he took that you use to tie your arm before injecting, and I asked him about the alcohol packs and he said he bought them at the store. And he also confessed that this is not the first time that he has swiped the stuff from the doctors office. That he did it a while back too.
So Im very relieved that he told me the truth. Im relieved he is not getting high and back to using drugs, but I know for him to be doing this is just a sign of how vulnerable he still is to the drugs and Im so afraid for him. I asked him if there was anything I could do, and he said just keep loving him, and give him time.
I have read about how people form a bond with the needle, but never read about anyone taking it this far. I googled it, and found a few mentions about people injecting water, or other things to fill that void; some people used really weird stuff, so I guess saline is the best option. But still….. only someone on ther verge of relapse would do this wouldn’t they?
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
And these needles were in his Dr's office??
I love to go throw all the drawers and cabinets. I always joke - the longer I wait, the more I take. I love to play with the equipment too. In fact, I was trying to take my blood pressure this morning when the NP walked in.
I have never seen any syringes in any room I waited in...but maybe my DR just takes better precautions.
I know you feel better, but if he isn't using yet....I would think the needles would be a huge trigger for the high!
Did you know he was seeing a psychiatrist again??? I pray he is really is!!
I love to go throw all the drawers and cabinets. I always joke - the longer I wait, the more I take. I love to play with the equipment too. In fact, I was trying to take my blood pressure this morning when the NP walked in.
I have never seen any syringes in any room I waited in...but maybe my DR just takes better precautions.
I know you feel better, but if he isn't using yet....I would think the needles would be a huge trigger for the high!
Did you know he was seeing a psychiatrist again??? I pray he is really is!!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by bluejaybird 
I have read about how people form a bond with the needle, but never read about anyone taking it this far. I googled it, and found a few mentions about people injecting water, or other things to fill that void; some people used really weird stuff, so I guess saline is the best option. But still….. only someone on ther verge of relapse would do this wouldn’t they?
Is this leading to a relapse? I don't know. Seems like he's standing on the precipice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Yes I knew he was seeing a psychiatrist. He has been seeing one for several months since he slipped up a while back. He said that he added an extra session weekly, and I can only feel like he did that to be proactive.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Man. He is soooooooooooooooo close to a relapse if he hasn't already. If he was in a program, he'd come clean with his doctor, his sponsor and he would have come clean with you long ago.
Oh well. Good luck!
Oh well. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Red flag, red flag, red flag! Oh, my goodness. Denial, denial, denial.
He is on a slippery slope, heading right back to active addiction if he is not already there. Please PLEASE see this for what it is. He is playing with fire. And you are going down with him.
He needs to see this for what it is and get help immediately. He is not dealing with stress or life in a healthy way and it is only a matter of time before he gives in to using drugs rather than saline. You are not out of the woods in a long shot.
Do you really want to be part of this battle?
He is on a slippery slope, heading right back to active addiction if he is not already there. Please PLEASE see this for what it is. He is playing with fire. And you are going down with him.
He needs to see this for what it is and get help immediately. He is not dealing with stress or life in a healthy way and it is only a matter of time before he gives in to using drugs rather than saline. You are not out of the woods in a long shot.
Do you really want to be part of this battle?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hello, my son told me that one time when I found needles in his room. He was supposedly in recovery and he said that addicts will shoot water from time to time for the craving. Within weeks, i discovered jewelry missing and Mr. Toads Wild ride started all over again. This is a huge Red Flag.
TT
TT
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Um, I don't know of any Dr.'s office that keeps needles in the drawers. They now keep them in a locked cart that is stationed outside any exam room, and only a certified staff can access the cart for patients who are actually getting an injection.
Nope. I don't buy this story.
JMHO
CLMI
Nope. I don't buy this story.
JMHO
CLMI
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bluejaybird, I am so sorry you are going through this, but what others have said here makes sense to me too, it's just how it is. The story doesn't make sense, stealing doesn't make sense. It's so hard not knowing or suspecting.
I used to try to "prove" that my son was using or not...and he always had a story, always. They never made sense. I learned that my instincts never lied and what they told me made sense.
I hope things get better for you soon, no matter how this unfolds. Please know that we are here to support you and there are Al-Anon, Nar-anon and CoDA meetings everywhere that would welcome you the moment you walk in the door.
Hugs
I used to try to "prove" that my son was using or not...and he always had a story, always. They never made sense. I learned that my instincts never lied and what they told me made sense.
I hope things get better for you soon, no matter how this unfolds. Please know that we are here to support you and there are Al-Anon, Nar-anon and CoDA meetings everywhere that would welcome you the moment you walk in the door.
Hugs
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I, too, believed so many stories and so many lies. When I finally came out of denial, I felt so stupid. My therapist told me that I wasn't stupid, I wasn't alone. Denial was very powerful. If we have to face the truth then many times, we have to make scary decisions and sometimes we just aren't ready to do that.
You're not stupid, you're not alone, you're just not ready.
You're not stupid, you're not alone, you're just not ready.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by cynical one
The "story" simply does not make sense. But, I would not spend another minute trying to pick apart truth from lies.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
bluejaybird,
Thank you for taking the time to go into so much detail describing your story with your abf, you are helping many others as they read and follow.
Whatever next unfolds, I hope we can be of support to you. So just don't isolate and do post here with any worries or questions. More will be revealed and whatever that might be, it is best you not be isolated. We are very vulnerable when in relationship with addicts.
I hope he is telling you the truth. Please be very self-protective as time reveals more. We just want to help you be safe.
Thank you for taking the time to go into so much detail describing your story with your abf, you are helping many others as they read and follow.
Whatever next unfolds, I hope we can be of support to you. So just don't isolate and do post here with any worries or questions. More will be revealed and whatever that might be, it is best you not be isolated. We are very vulnerable when in relationship with addicts.
I hope he is telling you the truth. Please be very self-protective as time reveals more. We just want to help you be safe.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
He did not tell his psychiatrist because he knew he/she would see right through him... he told you what he could to appease you and what a good job he did of that.
only someone on ther verge of relapse would do this wouldn’t they? you know the answer to that already but my bet is he has relapsed.
This has RED FLAG everywhere.
only someone on ther verge of relapse would do this wouldn’t they? you know the answer to that already but my bet is he has relapsed.
This has RED FLAG everywhere.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
Addicts are so good.. My daughter could win an Academy Award!!! Sounds like your BF could too.... My advice... No need to explain anything.. just get out!!
I know you are a long way from getting there and God knows it is a process. I just hate for you what you are going to have to go through to get there, if you don't start getting help. Addicts will take you down with them!!
I know you are a long way from getting there and God knows it is a process. I just hate for you what you are going to have to go through to get there, if you don't start getting help. Addicts will take you down with them!!
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
He is an addict, addicts lie. You are codependent, active codependents listen to our lies and believe them. It is the dance. You have a lot of faith in him as we all did with the addict in our lives at one time, but after many lies, and through much pain we learn that the only thing you can trust is that the addict will tell you any thing you want to hear and spoon feed you as much BS as you are willing to eat just so they can get high in peace.
He is walking on shaky ground. It is kind of like the alcoholic who stops drinking, but later decides that a near-beer is okay to drink. There is a relationship there with him and the needle. He has grown to love her and she gets him off. How long before the saline is replaced with the real deal? I'm thinkin' he has been there, done that and as he puts it "he has it under control" famous last words of the addict.
In your gut you know he is using, but ignorance is bliss. Anything is better than facing the truth when you are not ready. Trust me on this. The addict is loyal to only one and that is their drug/s. I speak as someone who has been there, done that and have done a lot of spoon feeding friends/family BS.
Passion
He is walking on shaky ground. It is kind of like the alcoholic who stops drinking, but later decides that a near-beer is okay to drink. There is a relationship there with him and the needle. He has grown to love her and she gets him off. How long before the saline is replaced with the real deal? I'm thinkin' he has been there, done that and as he puts it "he has it under control" famous last words of the addict.
In your gut you know he is using, but ignorance is bliss. Anything is better than facing the truth when you are not ready. Trust me on this. The addict is loyal to only one and that is their drug/s. I speak as someone who has been there, done that and have done a lot of spoon feeding friends/family BS.
Passion
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by bluejaybird
HE SAID that he has started going to his psychiatrist twice a week again, and he is trying to work through his feelings. I asked him if he told the doctor about what he was doing with the shooting up the saline, and he said no. He hadn’t told him that part yet, but he had been discussing the feelings that were behind it and that was all that mattered.
Most patients cannot afford to see a psychiatrist twice a weeek and insurance would likely deny coverage.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
Neither empty syringes nor ones filled with saline are ever kept in a patient's room. The only ones you might find are the used ones that are dropped into a locked sharps box on the wall.
Whether he's using or not... who knows. But his story is full of holes.
What's scariest to me is that you're with an addict who's still having a love affair with needles. The Demon is breathing down his neck and he's taunting it. Please be careful. Nothing about this sounds right.
Whether he's using or not... who knows. But his story is full of holes.
What's scariest to me is that you're with an addict who's still having a love affair with needles. The Demon is breathing down his neck and he's taunting it. Please be careful. Nothing about this sounds right.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Ya know...just when I think addiction can't get any worse, I find it is even more evil then my mind can imagine.
Love affairs with needles, growing to love her (a needle) and getting off..... holy crap! Addiction is undeniably straight from the pits of hell, NO DOUBT!!
(I have read about this before, it just brought it to the forefront again).
Love affairs with needles, growing to love her (a needle) and getting off..... holy crap! Addiction is undeniably straight from the pits of hell, NO DOUBT!!
(I have read about this before, it just brought it to the forefront again).
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