FreddyFatal

Hey everyone

I've never posted on this (or any other) sites before, but I've been reading through some other stories and I have to say I see so many similarities with my own life.

I suppose I've known I've had a serious problem with alcohol for the past several years now, but I've really not done too much to fight it. I'm 33 now, and I guess I can now say that I've had problems since I was 18. I've always been quiet, not the most talkative guy in the group, and whenever I drank alcohol it loosened me up and made me more talkative.. in my early 20's I never really had the nerve to go up and talk to girls unless I've had at least several beer or harder drinks and I guess it's progressed from there.

A few weeks ago, I pretty well got drunk every single night for about 10 straight nights. I started brewing my own beer (big mistake for me), which means I'm never really in any danger of running out. I'd get home from work, not even worry about making supper, but instead open up a beer and sit at the computer and listen to music, or watch Family Guy re-runs on Netflix or whatever. One beer turned into two, turned into three, which turned into 12 or 15 (every day!). This always led into terrible decisions, for example messaging old girlfriends or whatever.. going out and making extremely terrible decisions that I'd never come close to doing if I were sober (which I rarely was). I'd end up passing out at around 2AM or whatever.. fumbling through a terrible sleep and waking up and going to work (I called off sick a day).. but really I was still going to work drunk. I don't believe anyone at my work noticed.. but I can't be sure.

I found the more consecutive nights I drank, the more anxious and depressed I got the next day.. and it went on and on like this. I've tried to go to AA meetings in the past.. but it seems like a negative environment and I feel extremely uneasy when I'm there.. also I'm not very religious and I think that might affect it. Sometimes it feels hopeless to be honest. I've gone to the doctor and talked to him.. he prescribed some anti-depressants which I took for a few days before throwing the bottle away.. I hate the side effects.

Anyway.. without being too sullen and downtrodden.. the past few weeks have been pretty great. I had a couple of beer this past Saturday night.. but aside from that, I've been sober for about 3 weeks now. A huge thing for me is.. well.. my family all drinks and it would be very embarassing for me to tell everyone I'm quitting drinking because I have a problem. I'm not sure why.. I know the response will be that it's more important to quit than to have to face this embarassment.. but still, for whatever reason, it's important to me to not appear weak to my family. On the weekend I kind of pretended I was drinking.. but really it was apple juice instead of beer. To be honest.. it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.. I know this is lame but my brain operates in strange ways sometimes.

Anyway.. this post is very scattered.. I'm not much of a writer. I'm glad I found this forum and it seems to be helping me to read about all of you who appear to have been in the same situations as me. I really need to maintain my sobriety.. aside from a minor setback it's been 3 weeks or so now and it seems to be getting easier and easier, without getting too far ahead of myself. I've been planning on going back to the gym which I think will help.. also I've been watching TV series marathons (love the Wire! Omar rocks).

Anyway, thanks for reading guys.

cmc133

Welcome! I'm new too.

"I found the more consecutive nights I drank, the more anxious and depressed I got the next day.. and it went on and on like this."

The same thing was true for me. It's just not worth it!

MrsKing

Welcome to SR Freddy, it's great to have you here. I hope you'll stick around - there is so much support, understanding and experience on these boards and we'll all be behind you every step of the way.

If you don't like the idea of AA, there are other plans to follow - take a look on the secular recovery section on the home page of the forum and you'll see there's more to recovery than AA. AVRT have a crash course online that takes very little time and helped me ENORMOUSLY.

Also, admitting you have a problem and telling your family and friends this is the POLAR OPPOSITE of weak - do not be afraid that being honest will make you appear this way, because it will definitely not. It is an incredibly brave thing to be open about and people will appreciate it, and those who matter will support you wholeheartedly.

Good luck on your journey, Freddy. Let us know how you get on. All the best.

Live2Run25

I do not think telling your family you have a problem is WEAK. In fact. I think it's very strong. It takes a lot of courage for someone to step up and do that. I know I felt so much better when I told my family that I was quitting. Turns out.. they were all proud of me!! You should tell them. Stop hiding in lies by pretending to be drinking. Just be upfront with them. You can do this!!!

CaiHong

Hi Freddy,
it's great that you see clearly where alcohol is taking you. When I got sober I only told my best friend. I didn't want to tell my family either, I am sure they would have applauded the decision but my sobriety was I important to me and I didn't want any unwanted comments from people who don't understand addiction to undermine me.

I am coming up to 14 months sober with the support of AA and this forum.

Don't completely discount AA, even if you don't go to meetings the Big Book is a great book for inspiration.
AA is not religious, it is a spiritual program please note the difference.
Keep posting and reading.

All the best
CaiHong

Inca

Hi- Congrats on the time you've pulled together so far. Don't worry what people may think. I was concerned in the beginning too that everyone would notice and say something. Most didn't even notice and those who did either didnt care or were glad they didn't have to deal with a jerk that night!

least

Anti depressants take a few weeks to work. Not to mention they don't work very well when you're drinking, trust me, I know. I had irritating side effects when I started mine but within a few weeks they went away and so did the depression.

It's a good thing that you're doing something about your problem before you get older and have many regrets.

Welcome to SR!

smacked

A lot of us understand exactly what you've been through. Welcome!

Sasha4

Welcome

At the moment I don't think you ned to make any reat speeches or have in depth conversations with others, family or friends, about how you are feeling towards alcohol. Wait until your ready. It's early days. Handle it later.

I don't think I am ever going to tell anyone. It's my fight, my battle, my business.

Keep coming here and telling us how your doing mate xx

Dee74

Hi Freddy - welcome to SR

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Most of the big players offer online meetings too...others like Rational recovery have no meetings at all.

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

Try not to worry about other people too much & what they'll think for now - you know whats right for you, right?

stick with that

D

CarolD

Welcome...

Glad to know you are chooseing to be sober...
It's the best decision I ever made.

FreddyFatal

I suppose you're right. I don't know if I'm ready to tell friends and family about wanting to quit though.. I know what you're saying about it being the brave thing to do.. but I don't know. I feel the past few weeks I've been exponentially improved.. and I feel as though I have a handle on living life without alcohol without having to take any additional steps. The important thing is that I realize I need to quit and make the change.. I don't feel I need to broadcast this.. you know? Maybe I'm naive. It's great that your family was proud of you.. deep down I feel mine would be too.. but I also feel I would be awkward around them.. you know? It's hard to explain.

FreddyFatal

Thanks for your response.. I think I understand completely! I think if I told my family and friends, they would discount it as well. I'm sure there would be "are you kidding? come on let's go out for a few beer" type of reactions.. which I don't want to face. I'm happy with my decision to quit alcohol and I feel more comfortable in an anonymous forum like this than having this discussion with those close to me.. if that makes any sense.

FreddyFatal

Yeah they do take several weeks to kick in.. but I'm fairly convined the "depression" was a result of my binge drinking. I'm not a depressed person as far as I can tell.. and I've been doing great since quitting drinking. Why is alcohol even legal.. heh.

Live2Run25

You are right Freddy. If it puts your sobriety at risk, then don't do it. When you are ready, you can tell them.

FreddyFatal

That's exactly how I feel.. it's my fight, it's not really anyone else's business and I don't like attention like this at all. I think I'm going to keep it that way. Thanks for your support

FreddyFatal

You've been alcohol free for almost two months now have you? How are you feeling.. do you still have any lingering side effects?

Live2Run25

Yes. I'm feeling pretty good! Life is getting better and better each day. The anxiety is lifting and I feel like a much better person..

FreddyFatal

That's great.. the anxiety is the worst. It's like I was going crazy.. but it's starting to life for me too. The next step is going back to the gym.. I know that will make me feel even better.

flutter

Welcome!! My anxiety really decreased once I stopped drinking, the gym became my new best friend (which for me, is amazing lol). Happy you found us!