recently sober looking for friends that can relate.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Missoula Montana
Posts: 11
recently sober looking for friends that can relate.
I didn't really know how to start out, but i also just finished my first entry in my recovery journal so i think i'll just post that, its pretty general and boring but explains alot of what i'm thinking and feeling, maybe someone can relate to it.
-ben
entry:
7/17/12
Its really late Tuesday evening. Tried sleeping but couldn’t. I have this headache that is bugging me. Its on the top of my head on the sides. I assume its because I am not drinking. I also have the guilty feeling I used to get when I was drinking, feeling bad because I was drunk or hung over. I’m not drinking or hung over so its really weird. I’ve been proud and confident for the most part since I’ve stopped drinking. I never expected to have the guilt and disappointment about drinking or being drunk even when I was sober. I hope it goes away, it’s kind of scary. So this is the first entry in my recovery journal, I thought typing it might be kind of a slacker way of doing it and not do a lot for me, but I’m actually feeling a little emotional at the moment. I got a haircut today, haircuts make me feel amazing. After that I got coffee and an energy bar and walked home, man it was hot today. My therapist keeps saying I need to do something social and that all the time I’m spending alone is dangerous. I don’t see that, but I am a tiny bit lonely, not a lot, its almost unnoticeable. However I’m afraid that will get worse. I was supposed to go to an AA meeting this evening. I chickened out. I will try to go to the nooner tomorrow. I feel nervous, like walking into a room and everyone is staring. Or that some people remember me from when I tried to quit the last time around and they’ll all roll their eyes at me or something, is that stupid? In six days I will be 30 days sober, no slips, no lies, no sneaks. I started thinking about that this evening, I think it might be a bad sign, when I think about it like that or set milestones or expectations I get nervous. Blah. I guess just focus on Wednesday. On Wednesday I have to go to the noon AA meeting and stop by campus and get some errands done. Then get a run in. I’ve been listening to frank ocean’s song forest gump a lot lately, good song. Music has been therapy. My Rdio account is one of the biggest things holding me together lately, kinda pathetic but true. Hey whatever works. Okay, back to bed or attempt too anyways. Tomorrow: make sober friends, at the very minimum say hello to one
-ben
entry:
7/17/12
Its really late Tuesday evening. Tried sleeping but couldn’t. I have this headache that is bugging me. Its on the top of my head on the sides. I assume its because I am not drinking. I also have the guilty feeling I used to get when I was drinking, feeling bad because I was drunk or hung over. I’m not drinking or hung over so its really weird. I’ve been proud and confident for the most part since I’ve stopped drinking. I never expected to have the guilt and disappointment about drinking or being drunk even when I was sober. I hope it goes away, it’s kind of scary. So this is the first entry in my recovery journal, I thought typing it might be kind of a slacker way of doing it and not do a lot for me, but I’m actually feeling a little emotional at the moment. I got a haircut today, haircuts make me feel amazing. After that I got coffee and an energy bar and walked home, man it was hot today. My therapist keeps saying I need to do something social and that all the time I’m spending alone is dangerous. I don’t see that, but I am a tiny bit lonely, not a lot, its almost unnoticeable. However I’m afraid that will get worse. I was supposed to go to an AA meeting this evening. I chickened out. I will try to go to the nooner tomorrow. I feel nervous, like walking into a room and everyone is staring. Or that some people remember me from when I tried to quit the last time around and they’ll all roll their eyes at me or something, is that stupid? In six days I will be 30 days sober, no slips, no lies, no sneaks. I started thinking about that this evening, I think it might be a bad sign, when I think about it like that or set milestones or expectations I get nervous. Blah. I guess just focus on Wednesday. On Wednesday I have to go to the noon AA meeting and stop by campus and get some errands done. Then get a run in. I’ve been listening to frank ocean’s song forest gump a lot lately, good song. Music has been therapy. My Rdio account is one of the biggest things holding me together lately, kinda pathetic but true. Hey whatever works. Okay, back to bed or attempt too anyways. Tomorrow: make sober friends, at the very minimum say hello to one
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Thanks for sharing Ben, and welcome to SR 
you'll find lots of people you can relate to here.
The guilt and disappointment go away with time... try not to let it get you down too much. Remember they are emotions and not reality, and as you get more sober time under your belt, those emotions will pop up less and less. Good luck and all the best. Congrats on your sober time so far!
you'll find lots of people you can relate to here.The guilt and disappointment go away with time... try not to let it get you down too much. Remember they are emotions and not reality, and as you get more sober time under your belt, those emotions will pop up less and less. Good luck and all the best. Congrats on your sober time so far!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Loved reading your post, Ben. Congratulations on your journey and sobriety time - you are doing amazing things! I love Missoula - you live in a beautiful town with terrific energy. Check out those fun cafe's and coffee shops - I'm sure you will find sober peeps there. A smile and hello from you will make them feel as good as it will you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
Hi and Welcome,
Music was great therapy for me, too.
And, the guilt and shame does ease up after while. Each day, you will begin to feel better about yourself and leave the negative feelings behind. We've all done things we regret when we were drinking, but the main thing is to move on.
Music was great therapy for me, too.
And, the guilt and shame does ease up after while. Each day, you will begin to feel better about yourself and leave the negative feelings behind. We've all done things we regret when we were drinking, but the main thing is to move on.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: weymouth, ma
Posts: 10
hey ben, I'm julie. i totally can relate to you. music is awesome therapy, works for me. I'm new to this thing, first time sober in my life, ever, I'm 22. just got out of rehab, so today I'm 15 days sober. thanks for the post dude, stay strong.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
WElcome to our recovery community benmsla..
When I wanted friends who shared my sober goals...I went to AA
and there I have stayed....
We do all sorts of interesting and fun things outside of meetings
Please keep in touch with us...good to know you are heading
into a sober future...
When I wanted friends who shared my sober goals...I went to AA
and there I have stayed....
We do all sorts of interesting and fun things outside of meetings
Please keep in touch with us...good to know you are heading
into a sober future...
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