Just another codie post......
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Just another codie post......
My husband is not quite 60 days clean. He used suboxone for around the first 45 days. When he went off, he tapered too off fast and the w/d's have been brutal.
Now he can't sleep and hasn't much for the last 14 nights and the drugs are screaming in his head...."a pill or two would make you feel soooo much better." He is exhausted and weak, and is hanging. To feel that sick and tired and to HAVE to just ride it out seems cruel....all while knowing what made you this way - is the only immediate thing that can help you fell better!!
How sick is this disease?? It's like a vicious machine, a sick cycle of insanity!!
He has really been leaning on his sponsor a lot and his NA buddies! He told me he is journaling a lot and rereading his books. I have been keeping busy but I definitely am starting to feel anxious as another night goes by and he still can't sleep.
I know, I know - it's his problem! But to watch someone you love try so hard yet look and feel so awful is not easy.
I guess his sponsor told him NOT to discuss his cravings or issues, etc with me anymore as it's not fair to me. (He really hasn't been much.) He should only be discussing his "issues" with other recovering addicts. I guess I am glad about that...but it's not like I don't know anyway. I can see it all over his face, I can see it in his red and bloodshot eyes and I can hear it in his voice.
Addiction is just pure evil!! Far more evil then I ever imagined! I can really see how and why so many people relapse.
I am trying hard not to say nothing!! I am trying hard to NOT let it effect me...I guess I just needed to vent. Thank you!!
Now he can't sleep and hasn't much for the last 14 nights and the drugs are screaming in his head...."a pill or two would make you feel soooo much better." He is exhausted and weak, and is hanging. To feel that sick and tired and to HAVE to just ride it out seems cruel....all while knowing what made you this way - is the only immediate thing that can help you fell better!!
How sick is this disease?? It's like a vicious machine, a sick cycle of insanity!!
He has really been leaning on his sponsor a lot and his NA buddies! He told me he is journaling a lot and rereading his books. I have been keeping busy but I definitely am starting to feel anxious as another night goes by and he still can't sleep.
I know, I know - it's his problem! But to watch someone you love try so hard yet look and feel so awful is not easy.
I guess his sponsor told him NOT to discuss his cravings or issues, etc with me anymore as it's not fair to me. (He really hasn't been much.) He should only be discussing his "issues" with other recovering addicts. I guess I am glad about that...but it's not like I don't know anyway. I can see it all over his face, I can see it in his red and bloodshot eyes and I can hear it in his voice.
Addiction is just pure evil!! Far more evil then I ever imagined! I can really see how and why so many people relapse.
I am trying hard not to say nothing!! I am trying hard to NOT let it effect me...I guess I just needed to vent. Thank you!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
sounds like you need a hug LMN. you are being very strong about this. just keep reminding yourself that each day you both get through brings you closer to something good. why don't you write a list of little things that you can look forward to each day and cross them off. pick a number that seems well in excess of how long you think this will go on for, and pick a small good thing to do each day that you can enjoy. if you get to the end of your list and its still going on, write a new list. the things you do might be jobs you have been putting off, or things that you enjoy doing. i wonder how much you can get done in this time. anything to take your mind off HIS detox. good luck and hope each day brings something brighter into your life.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you Jody. I am just getting over being sick with a sinus infection so that has made it harder. But I got my new and improved resumes today, got my haircut and went to dinner with some friends. I really was able to enjoy myself too.
The nights are when it gets hard for me. Thankfully, he will go try and sleep out on the couch so I am not kept up all night too. Just miss him not being in our bed but the dogs are loving it. lol
The nights are when it gets hard for me. Thankfully, he will go try and sleep out on the couch so I am not kept up all night too. Just miss him not being in our bed but the dogs are loving it. lol
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
ahhaha...i use to have 2 dogs (a lab and a golden retriever (both around the 40kg mark) and a 12kg cat that slept on my bed when i was married. god knows how i managed to have kids!!! sounds like you had a lovely day. when I'm struggling with my thoughts and emotions, i like to make a plan of attack of things to do. just keeps my mind focused on something else. but yes there are always times when its that little bit tougher. you're going to be fine. i just know it. no matter what happened, you are going to be fine.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Hang in there Lovemenot.
Hopefully it will be better soon.
I don’t know how long the withdrawals last, but probably someone here does. My husband was hooked on opiate pills also. Fortunately, he had a rapid detox and so never ended up with withdrawals from that. He did still have minor withdrawals from the benzo type drug he was taking, but the worst of it seemed to pass within two weeks.
As you know my husband isn’t going the NA route, but is that normal and acceptable for the sponsor to be telling him how and what to communicate to his wife? Im sure you don’t want to hear all his complaints, but seems like instead of him being told what to do; and just doing it… there should be some discussion between the two of you as to what & how much you want to share with each other. However, maybe its part of the ‘stay on your side of the street’ concept that I hear about.
Anyway, hope he feels better soon, and you get rid of your sinus infection and feel better too !
Hopefully it will be better soon.
I don’t know how long the withdrawals last, but probably someone here does. My husband was hooked on opiate pills also. Fortunately, he had a rapid detox and so never ended up with withdrawals from that. He did still have minor withdrawals from the benzo type drug he was taking, but the worst of it seemed to pass within two weeks.
As you know my husband isn’t going the NA route, but is that normal and acceptable for the sponsor to be telling him how and what to communicate to his wife? Im sure you don’t want to hear all his complaints, but seems like instead of him being told what to do; and just doing it… there should be some discussion between the two of you as to what & how much you want to share with each other. However, maybe its part of the ‘stay on your side of the street’ concept that I hear about.
Anyway, hope he feels better soon, and you get rid of your sinus infection and feel better too !
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
wow, sorry for all the typos in my first post. 
Thank you allforcnm -
I really don't know what is "normal" for a sponsor to do. I, too, am new to all of this. But he and I discussed it and I am fine with it. NA is all about addicts helping other addicts so.... Also, I am sure it was more of a suggestion, not an "instruction."
But....I do know that I don't discuss what my therapist and I talk about and I really don't think its any of his business either. In fact, I really don't think what he choses to discuss with me is any of my business unless he decides it is. He has a right to his own privacy, his own thoughts or discussions as do I.
Thank you for your concern and words of encouragement though.
Thank you allforcnm -
I really don't know what is "normal" for a sponsor to do. I, too, am new to all of this. But he and I discussed it and I am fine with it. NA is all about addicts helping other addicts so.... Also, I am sure it was more of a suggestion, not an "instruction."
But....I do know that I don't discuss what my therapist and I talk about and I really don't think its any of his business either. In fact, I really don't think what he choses to discuss with me is any of my business unless he decides it is. He has a right to his own privacy, his own thoughts or discussions as do I.
Thank you for your concern and words of encouragement though.
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
((LMN)) Oh, this can be so difficult. I hope your hubby toughs it out and the withdrawals soon taper to nothing. You are also in withdrawal of a different type. It's painful for you, and I'm so very sorry.
I'm glad you enjoyed an evening out and hope you have many more!
HeeHee. Just noticed when I typed your initials LMN, it reminded me of Lifetime Movie Network! I think that's what many of us are living!
Prayers for a peaceful day for you.
I'm glad you enjoyed an evening out and hope you have many more!
HeeHee. Just noticed when I typed your initials LMN, it reminded me of Lifetime Movie Network! I think that's what many of us are living!
Prayers for a peaceful day for you.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you Washbe <3
Anvil, I too come from a family of insomniacs. As you can see by my posts. I was up until around 4:30 this morning. I can function fine with very little sleep for days but eventually it will catch up to me and I will sleep like a rock.
My husband (and kids) are people who need their 8 hrs. They put their heads on the pillow and fall fast asleep. I have never seen anything like it. I toss and turn for at least an hour, even when I am wiped out.
I am relieved he is not asking his Dr for a prescription though. I hate Ambien with a passion. People do some crazy things on it and don't even remember. My mother used to call me all night and swear the next morning she was asleep all night. My friend's husband started a fire in their kitchen. My neighbor would go for walks at 2:00 am and not remember.
He will sleep again naturally....it's just going to take some time!
Anvil, I too come from a family of insomniacs. As you can see by my posts. I was up until around 4:30 this morning. I can function fine with very little sleep for days but eventually it will catch up to me and I will sleep like a rock.
My husband (and kids) are people who need their 8 hrs. They put their heads on the pillow and fall fast asleep. I have never seen anything like it. I toss and turn for at least an hour, even when I am wiped out.
I am relieved he is not asking his Dr for a prescription though. I hate Ambien with a passion. People do some crazy things on it and don't even remember. My mother used to call me all night and swear the next morning she was asleep all night. My friend's husband started a fire in their kitchen. My neighbor would go for walks at 2:00 am and not remember.
He will sleep again naturally....it's just going to take some time!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 149
I could be wrong here (still learning alot about co-dependency) and if I am, I won't be offended if I'm corrected, but remove the addiction/recovery out of the equation and just look at a husband-wife where one of them is really sick with the flu. During a time like this, there are some things they just aren't capable of or even if they are, they just feel like crap so much that you bring them a cold rag for their forehead or make them a bowl of soup, tea, etc.. I don't think that would be co-dependent, I think that's simply caring for the person you love.
IMHO, no matter the reason, it's hard watching someone go through anything that causes pain so I think as long as you are constantly aware not to cross that codie line, you are allowed to be that caring person.
((Hugs)) to you. I hope today is a better day for both you and your husbad!
IMHO, no matter the reason, it's hard watching someone go through anything that causes pain so I think as long as you are constantly aware not to cross that codie line, you are allowed to be that caring person.
((Hugs)) to you. I hope today is a better day for both you and your husbad!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
You know it is normal to care, it is normal to feel something for them. To want them to not have to go through that they do.
Just as it is normal for them to have to go through what they do. There isn’t really a way around and one of the worst facts is that when they start driving the bus they usually suffer much more than they would have if they weren’t..
It isn’t codie to care. Really think what would we become if we didn’t?
I don’t even think it is codie to ask questions in the beginning. I really do believe if mine were not entertained I wouldn’t have got as far as I did as fast. Where it becomes a problem in my head is if in a year, 2 years, 3 years one is still asking the same questions …. You know expecting to hear a different answer.
Wd will always be a tricky time because it is an incentive to use. But that doesn’t mean they have to. It will be what I said in the other thread, all he has to do in not use not matter what. Maybe it seems to blasé to say it that way but ultimately they really have to just not use no matter what. And they can find that and make it through.
This will be what he just has to go through, and he does know that.
And you have to watch taking it too personal, it is wd, it happens, it isn’t pretty by any means but it is a means to an end.
Hang in there. I do know what you are going through, don’t stare to much, ok.
Just as it is normal for them to have to go through what they do. There isn’t really a way around and one of the worst facts is that when they start driving the bus they usually suffer much more than they would have if they weren’t..
It isn’t codie to care. Really think what would we become if we didn’t?
I don’t even think it is codie to ask questions in the beginning. I really do believe if mine were not entertained I wouldn’t have got as far as I did as fast. Where it becomes a problem in my head is if in a year, 2 years, 3 years one is still asking the same questions …. You know expecting to hear a different answer.
Wd will always be a tricky time because it is an incentive to use. But that doesn’t mean they have to. It will be what I said in the other thread, all he has to do in not use not matter what. Maybe it seems to blasé to say it that way but ultimately they really have to just not use no matter what. And they can find that and make it through.
This will be what he just has to go through, and he does know that.
And you have to watch taking it too personal, it is wd, it happens, it isn’t pretty by any means but it is a means to an end.
Hang in there. I do know what you are going through, don’t stare to much, ok.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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Lovemenot, what very nice, pampering thing can you do for yourself today that will bring YOU comfort? A manicure, pedicure, body wrap, new hairstyle, new dress, a movie, a new book, new bedsheets, a bubblebath, lunch with a friend??? What do you need to bring you joy today?
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Location: The Jungle
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Glad you got your worries and concerns out here. Better out than in! You are using your resources and he is using his. That is how it should be.
Keep taking care of you. I'm just glad that he's using his sponsor and still going to meetings. That's good stuff right there. One day at a time......
gentle hugs
ke
Keep taking care of you. I'm just glad that he's using his sponsor and still going to meetings. That's good stuff right there. One day at a time......
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
my "new" health care provider suggested as a last resort trazadone. OMG, coma in a pill!
I've been wanting to ask if anyone has experience with traz. It was suggested to my son by the doctor at the program to alleviate his intractable insomnia. It's also an anti-depressant. My nurse sister, who is not an addiction specialist--she is a case manager for hospice--said that she has had good results when traz has been prescribed (instead of the benzos) for her patients, especially the ones with dementia issues. But that is all she knows about it aside from its action as an anti-depressant.
Coma in a pill...my son is a big, beefy guy. Maybe he needs a horse tranquilizer for the insomnia. (Ambien certainly was an ineffective nightmare.)
Thoughts?
Getting there!!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
Lovemenot, what very nice, pampering thing can you do for yourself today that will bring YOU comfort? A manicure, pedicure, body wrap, new hairstyle, new dress, a movie, a new book, new bedsheets, a bubblebath, lunch with a friend??? What do you need to bring you joy today?
I am paying bills right now....and that's always a natural high for me.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
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Originally Posted by PrayingMama
I've been wanting to ask if anyone has experience with traz. It was suggested to my son by the doctor at the program to alleviate his intractable insomnia. It's also an anti-depressant. My nurse sister, who is not an addiction specialist--she is a case manager for hospice--said that she has had good results when traz has been prescribed (instead of the benzos) for her patients, especially the ones with dementia issues. But that is all she knows about it aside from its action as an anti-depressant.
Coma in a pill...my son is a big, beefy guy. Maybe he needs a horse tranquilizer for the insomnia. (Ambien certainly was an ineffective nightmare.)
Thoughts?
Coma in a pill...my son is a big, beefy guy. Maybe he needs a horse tranquilizer for the insomnia. (Ambien certainly was an ineffective nightmare.)
Thoughts?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
You know LMN those wonderful people in AA used to really **** me off when
they would tell me:
"No one dies from lack of sleep."
I went through the sleepless nights for almost 3 months and no it was not
nice, it was a biotch. However, they were correct, when I got tired enough
or my body got tired enough I would get a nights sleep.
The underlying problem was that my body had to redevelope a sleep pattern.
I didn't sleep for a lot of those years I was drinking and using, I would PASS
OUT.
Many have gone through this in early recovery, it is another one of those
consequences we have to endure, as a result of our own actions.
Allow him the dignity of enduring this. IT WILL PASS.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
they would tell me:
"No one dies from lack of sleep."
I went through the sleepless nights for almost 3 months and no it was not
nice, it was a biotch. However, they were correct, when I got tired enough
or my body got tired enough I would get a nights sleep.
The underlying problem was that my body had to redevelope a sleep pattern.
I didn't sleep for a lot of those years I was drinking and using, I would PASS
OUT.
Many have gone through this in early recovery, it is another one of those
consequences we have to endure, as a result of our own actions.
Allow him the dignity of enduring this. IT WILL PASS.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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