endlesspatience

This forum is helping me so much. I really appreciate your encouragement and support.

I want to tell you some positive and some difficult things about my quest for recovery. I had another relapse last week and I really was extremely sick. No food for four days. Seriously self-destructive/ aggressive urges. I pressed the F- It button harder than I’ve ever done.

I promised my parents that I would undertake a proper mental health assessment in the wake of that relapse. I had a really valuable counselling period last year which led to me staying sober and happy for around four months. I have an appointment on July 26th not for a counselling session but for a psychological assessment.

I know that I must stay abstinent until then. There’s no point in going if I’m messy as that will make it impossible to give objective answers to any of the questions. But that seems like such a long time away.

I am also being encouraged by parents to approach the doctor to see what help is available on the health service. They are wondering if I need anti-depressants. I don’t want to take pills to stay normal/ happy. But given that my life was in danger last week, I feel I should remain open minded.

The goal, as always, is to stay sober day by day. I haven't had a drink for four days and I went to AA last night and will go again tonight.

I’ve been in touch with my ex sponsor and he has said to me he’ll help me if I can get 90 meetings done in 90 days. I have done that before but it’s a daunting prospect right now. But there aren’t many other places to turn.

If you've got further ideas on how to develop a clearer perspective on the situation, that would be appreciated.

tomsteve

90 meetings in 90 days doesnt treat alcoholism. there are steps to work and change is necessary. my suggestion is to make the decision you are wiling to do whatever it takes to stop drinking. its either that or locked up or covered up. sure hope ya decide the better option.
prayers yer way.

Notmyrealname

If you need to stay sober for nine days then you stay sober for nine days. Part of being a responsible adult is doing what needs to be done. The only thing a self-pity party is good for is weakening your resolve.

Life is full of instances where you just gotta suck it up and keep going, this is just one of many.


I am sympathetic. I suffered from depression for many years and drank for nearly as many to deal with it. But frankly, you don't need the "I know how you feel" validating speech at this point. You have help coming in nine days, you need to hold the line until then, when the cavalry will arrive.

So, sorry if I sound like a Richard.

bbthumper

Endlesspatience,
I am a recovered alcoholic. Sober 4 years through the program of AA. Here is something i have learned as have countless others. My drinking was not my problem. Drinking was my answer. When I was not drinking I had all the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Alcohol was a great treatment for that. Problem was that I was killing myself and those who loved me. So when I put down booze, I put down my treatment. My life got worse for a while not better. Until I found another treatment. That was AA. The 12 steps. Meetings are great. A lot of them are great as a newcomer. Its not a rule of AA to get 90 in 90. A lot of people suggest it. The key is to get into the steps. Thats how we treat our disease. Otherwise were just dry and walk around just not drinking one long day at a time. The steps get me free. Through the steps the obsession to drink has been removed.

In my experience the people who get the best results in AA are the ones who get a sponsor who takes them through the steps the way the book has them laid out ASAP.

endlesspatience

Thank you all for your replies. Thanks especially for steering me away from self-pity which is likely to take backwards rather than forwards. I went to an AA meeting tonight and it helped a lot. I sense progress. I can feel the right direction.

sugarbear1

Keep getting to meetings and possibly find a sponsor to get you through the steps. In my opinion, 9 days sober isn't going to get you a "normal" result from psychological testing.... (again, my opinion)

At 12 days of not drinking, I was homicidal and suicidal. I needed a new solution. On days 14 & 15, I was guided through the 12 steps. June 1, 2012, I felt like a different person. I still had to change a lot of habits of behaving, but I DID have a new solution, relief, and finally freedom (in completing step 9).

There's a new life waiting for you, but you have to put the action and effort forth! You can stay stopped, too. It's work and you are worth it!

Best wishes on your recovery!

sugarbear1

June 1 2011, NOT 2012. That was my day 16.

Sheesh! drain bammage....self-inflicted, too!

MrsKing

July 26th is 8 days away. You have been sober 4 days (or is it 5 now) so you are halfway there to that point, or perhaps more. The counsellor will not make you stay sober and neither will anti-depressants. What will make you stay sober is a desire to do so and a NEED to do so. It takes a huge amount of effort and willpower but it is what it is, and you know what issues alcohol is causing you and you know that if you continue, it's not going to get any better. As other people have mentioned... giving up alcohol does not make for a perfect life - it makes for a life which is free of the haze that alcohol provides... it allows us to see things for what they really are, and at times this is more difficult than anything alcohol does to us. BUT it IS real life, and by giving up alcohol you have to choose reality over denial, and over time it gets easier and dealing with underlying issues allows us to move forward. Please, hang in there. Stay sober. We're all behind you.