New
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chippewa Falls, WI
Posts: 13
New
Hello everyone,
My name is Rory. I have joined this community to share my stories of addiction, depression, and anger problems. Today I can say I am not addicted to anything and my mental health is under control. I have always been a great influence in others lives and when I was clouded with marijuana I have persuaded many to try it and they have become addicts themselves. I have a guilty conscious and now I dedicate some of my free time to reaching out to others in an attempt to redeem myself. I was in AODA counseling for over a year and most of that was 1 hour sessions once a week. I once believed I could change people, I now have learned I cannot. What I can do is influence change, give direction and advice. I am a very good listener and chances are I will always have a response. For those of you who are dealing with a difficult time. Remember the power of positive thinking and keep moving forward. Brighter days are ahead and it just takes time. A major part of my success is the education I have received from personal research as well as counseling. I hope to pass on the facts that I have learned because there is so much false information out there in regards to marijuana. Please don't hesitate to send me a private message. The compassion I have for people is great and always know you are not alone.
My name is Rory. I have joined this community to share my stories of addiction, depression, and anger problems. Today I can say I am not addicted to anything and my mental health is under control. I have always been a great influence in others lives and when I was clouded with marijuana I have persuaded many to try it and they have become addicts themselves. I have a guilty conscious and now I dedicate some of my free time to reaching out to others in an attempt to redeem myself. I was in AODA counseling for over a year and most of that was 1 hour sessions once a week. I once believed I could change people, I now have learned I cannot. What I can do is influence change, give direction and advice. I am a very good listener and chances are I will always have a response. For those of you who are dealing with a difficult time. Remember the power of positive thinking and keep moving forward. Brighter days are ahead and it just takes time. A major part of my success is the education I have received from personal research as well as counseling. I hope to pass on the facts that I have learned because there is so much false information out there in regards to marijuana. Please don't hesitate to send me a private message. The compassion I have for people is great and always know you are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chippewa Falls, WI
Posts: 13
The reference to false information that I speak of mostly came from high school. People claiming that marijuana is not addicting at all and a person can quit at anytime. That is just one example that my peers have brainwashed me into believing for years. When I learned that it was false is the day I decided I needed to quit. I wasn't ready for that rude awakening, but its over now!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Auckland NZ
Posts: 90
Hi Rory. Nice to have you here. I started on weed, then drank for 7 years solid but weed was ever present, then i mixed things up with all sorts of stuff, weed ever present. The last year of my addiction i was trying to fool myself everything was OK as I was just smoking weed and getting good grades at uni (college), it wasn't ok. i had the worse year emotionally i have ever had and was suicidal a great deal of the time. EVERYTHING was grey, flat, everything. I lost hope, self esteem and self respect. And my illusion of only pot was just that, an illusion, I used several other substances in that time.
There has been very little pink clouding for me this time round. Some of the time I am anxious and feel a kind of impending doom. I am doing step work (as of this morning), got a sponsor, lots of meetings, and basically taking life on life's terms. i know things will get better but sometimes I am so full of fear it's all I can do to get up in the morning.
Any pointers on weed withdrawals would be greatly appreciated. No need for a pm I can own my stuff today and don't mind sharing as it might help others (unless the topic violates this sites policy).
There has been very little pink clouding for me this time round. Some of the time I am anxious and feel a kind of impending doom. I am doing step work (as of this morning), got a sponsor, lots of meetings, and basically taking life on life's terms. i know things will get better but sometimes I am so full of fear it's all I can do to get up in the morning.
Any pointers on weed withdrawals would be greatly appreciated. No need for a pm I can own my stuff today and don't mind sharing as it might help others (unless the topic violates this sites policy).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Hello Rory, welcome to SR. It's good to have you here. Your expertise will be very much appreciated.
About the guilty conscience - I wouldn't let that get you down. I say this because all the drugs I dabbled with a few years ago (I ended up a complete mess, mostly from ecstasy) were 'pushed' upon me from people who loved doing them themselves. The reality is that they were able to control their use and I wasn't, and me ending up dependent on them to have a good time had NOTHING to do with them, and even TRYING it had nothing to do with them - I could have said no if I really didn't want to try it. If someone was adamant they didn't want to try what you suggested, they would have said no. It's not your fault that they are now addicted.
About the guilty conscience - I wouldn't let that get you down. I say this because all the drugs I dabbled with a few years ago (I ended up a complete mess, mostly from ecstasy) were 'pushed' upon me from people who loved doing them themselves. The reality is that they were able to control their use and I wasn't, and me ending up dependent on them to have a good time had NOTHING to do with them, and even TRYING it had nothing to do with them - I could have said no if I really didn't want to try it. If someone was adamant they didn't want to try what you suggested, they would have said no. It's not your fault that they are now addicted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chippewa Falls, WI
Posts: 13
Thank you so much for the warm welcome everyone. I still crave to this day and its when I encounter any stressful moment. I stop and remind myself that it is only a temporary escape from reality and it will only cause more problems. Before my addiction I have always had so much pride in myself, I was always willing to go out of my way for people. Then drugs came and I became selfish, I maintained two lives and became so sick of it. Many of you can relate to this. One side of my life was working an assistant manager job, in training for a store. Everyone had great respect for me and I worked hard to earn it. No one at work knew of my problems and I liked it that way. My other life was constantly looking for drugs to consume and at one point I was buying large quantities to sell to my other friends to pay for my addiction. What I have learned of addiction is that it is a taught behavior and a genetic disposition. The examples I see for instance when watching a movie, someone has a terrible day. Then they are at the bar drinking away their misery. The psychological aspect of this is we learn that to handle our stress, we need to drink alcohol or consume other drugs. This is something we have seen our whole lives almost everyday. Our children watch it on television and in many cases see their parents have a bad day and resort to drugs and alcohol. This is why many kids walk the same path. Back to myself; I have always had an overactive mind. I was diagnosed with ADD about 2 years ago. My addiction comes from feeling the need to self medicate, I smoked pot to slow down my mind. I believed at one time it was helping me. I never learned about ADD until later in my life. I always believed that my racing mind was normal. I would constantly psych myself out and come up with reasons to believe it was okay to keep doing it. Fortunately breaking a marijuana addiction can be easier than others. There is not a physical withdrawal, it is only mental. The best advice I can give is that you have to break the routine. My favorite thing to do was smoke bowls and play video games on my computers for hours on end not taking care of the things I needed to. I was a coward and hit from my problems. I was able to gain enough willpower to not play games anymore, my addiction to marijuana turned into an addiction to people (co dependency). I was dependent on this girl I started to date. She opposed drugs, she never met her father and her mom was in and out of treatment centers for drug and alcohol abuse. She is no longer a part of my life but she will always have a special place in my heart, she doesn't realize how much she helped me. I was with her ALL the time unless I was working. This was not healthy, she didn't like my clinginess and ended up breaking things off with me. I almost relapsed but was able to make new friends and make myself do more healthy activities. I felt hopeless, lost and suicidal. That scared her away completely, can't say that I don't blame her. It helped me over my first 3 month break off my addiction. I do not recommend this, but that is how it happened with me. What I recommend is finding enough willpower to keep busy and make a routine. I work out every night unless I work to late. A healthy body is a healthy mind. I want you to come up with at least 3 achievable short term goals, and 1 to 2 long term goals. Write them down, post them where you can see them everyday you wake up. This worked for me, it gave me a reason to get out of bed and a sense of hope. I had to shield myself from all of the new friends I made from smoking pot. I ignored their calls, deleted numbers, removed friends from facebook. I needed to be selfish to help myself. Separate yourself from people who use and make new friends. Birds of a feather flock together, remember that. If you surround yourself with positive goal achieving successful people, you will feed off of this and you will become one of those people. I am 23 years old and some of my best friends are middle aged adults. You need to create a course of action, and I am willing to help anyone with this. I just need to hear a lot of details and I am willing to take the time. One thing you will learn of me is that I talk/type a LOT! I have so much to say and no way to say it. I apologize sometimes I lose my audience and get side tracked.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Auckland NZ
Posts: 90
OK. I'm really messed up (right now) and need to do something to help myself. I am totally codependant at the moment too, that is what is causing me so much grief. I can't write her off, that is not who I am, I get more upset when I think of telling her to get out of my life as I do not want to be a hater ever. But unconditional love? Really struggling.
3 short term goals:
1: Finish my science degree - 14 weeks total to go.
2: Do steps 1, 2, and 3 fearlessly and thoroughly - working on 1 now, using NA steps working guide to do it. (of course won't stop there...)
3: Develop mad scientist comedy character.
2 long term goals:
1: Establish a (peer reviewed) set of experiments/data showing superiority of natural fertiliser regimes.
2: Kick cigarette habit (after step 5/6) and reobtain my awesome body and fitness I once had.
I walk about 1 hour a day at present to keep body ticking over and I eat pretty healthy as much of it from my garden. Cigarettes have to go but I am already feeling overwhelmed so got to take it easy as priority one is not to relapse.
3 short term goals:
1: Finish my science degree - 14 weeks total to go.
2: Do steps 1, 2, and 3 fearlessly and thoroughly - working on 1 now, using NA steps working guide to do it. (of course won't stop there...)
3: Develop mad scientist comedy character.
2 long term goals:
1: Establish a (peer reviewed) set of experiments/data showing superiority of natural fertiliser regimes.
2: Kick cigarette habit (after step 5/6) and reobtain my awesome body and fitness I once had.
I walk about 1 hour a day at present to keep body ticking over and I eat pretty healthy as much of it from my garden. Cigarettes have to go but I am already feeling overwhelmed so got to take it easy as priority one is not to relapse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chippewa Falls, WI
Posts: 13
Great, you may want to add to your list of goals as the days go on. You need to know that in this time, you need to be selfish to help yourself to recovery. I don't know your full situation, but if shes a user as well and you two feed off each other in a negative way then you need to get her out of your life. At the very least temporarily. If she uses too perhaps you can take her with you on your journey to recovery. Keep exercising my friend, even if it is just a walk. Another way I helped my co-dependency problems is I am a big gamer. I have friends that I play with regularly that I have never met in person and we ONLY talk about games and little stuff maybe music, stuff like that. They know nothing else really, just that I'll own them. 
Surrounding yourself with people who don't use or are not using at the time you are with them, family especially. I personally am not religious, but being involved in church activities can be very useful. If you are unsure of your beliefs and are interested, have a chat with me about Humanism. It is a philosophy, a life-stance, it has given me the feeling of being apart of a greater picture. You could also volunteer to do community service even at your local humane association. You enjoy walking so try hiking through the forest on a nice day if your able to. Studies show that if you will feel better being indulged in our "natural habitat." Fishing is great too. There are so many healthy activities but they can be hard to discover when you're addicted. You are already making progress tonight as much as you might not feel that way. Coming here is making progress.
Surrounding yourself with people who don't use or are not using at the time you are with them, family especially. I personally am not religious, but being involved in church activities can be very useful. If you are unsure of your beliefs and are interested, have a chat with me about Humanism. It is a philosophy, a life-stance, it has given me the feeling of being apart of a greater picture. You could also volunteer to do community service even at your local humane association. You enjoy walking so try hiking through the forest on a nice day if your able to. Studies show that if you will feel better being indulged in our "natural habitat." Fishing is great too. There are so many healthy activities but they can be hard to discover when you're addicted. You are already making progress tonight as much as you might not feel that way. Coming here is making progress.
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