confused85

So this is my second post about my wife who is in her second rehab facility(walked out of the first one after 2 weeks). She's been clean from meth/pills for a little over a week now and sometimes she's sweet(usually when she needs something) but other times she turns into a crazy monster blaming me for things. Is this normal? I've taken her everything she's asked and i've made sure she gets to see our children as much as possible.
Thinking really hard about cutting the cord and getting a divorce, I know this is a choice that only I can make...but I guess i need to know if this is still left over emotions and withdraws from the meth and pills or are we past the point of blaming the drugs.

I really need help because i'm a lover...not a fighter and I can't deal with the daily BS if it's going to be an on going thing.

suki44883

Since we don't know her, it's hard to say. When she wasn't using, was she normally sweet, or was she hateful and all that other stuff you said? Some people are just jackholes, whether they are in withdrawal, or not. It's going to take time to know how she is going to act once she is over the physical withdrawals and out of rehab.

That said, there is no excuse for being rude and hateful to a child. That is something I would not put up with regardless of the circumstances.

LoveMeNow

Maybe her Doctor would be the best person to ask.

Again, so sorry for your hurt!!

Learn2Live

In my experience, yes, blame is part of the addict's arsenal. It doesn't go away just because they get clean, in my experience either. Unless they really work hard on themselves for a really long time. For me, it takes me a couple of relationships hearing the same thing about myself from two or three different people to figure out that, "Hey, if three different people have said the same exact thing about me, maybe they're telling the truth and I need to look at myself."

confused85

She was a sweet and caring person before all this but had her typical moody times as we all do. She's sweet to the kids and overly bubbly when they are around her, but I don't feel an ounce honest emotion coming from her. This could be because I'm still dealing with all of this myself and my trust level for her is pretty low.... I guess my screen name says it all lol.

suki44883

Well, there are options other than either living together or getting a divorce. Perhaps, when she leaves rehab, she should stay at a sober living facility for a while. That way you could spend some time with her and see how she's doing for a few months and not have her right there under your roof. There is also the option of a trial separation, just to give all of this some time so you will know whether or not you want to continue with the marriage.

confused85

That's the new plan of action, I'm finally starting to become myself and realize that she doesn't deserve my love,money, and time anymore. We both decided that divorce will be the best plan of action but it blew my mind how calm she was about it. I am suffering inside and doubt I'll sleep much tonight, guess we made some beautiful kids and had some good times.

peaceinthepines

I'm so sorry for your pain, Confused.
Divorce is never easy, I went through one from my first husband who was an A (RA now), immediately after giving birth to my daughter. We also have two older kids together. The whole thing was very hard on me and the children, but please believe me when I say there are better times ahead!!
I'm happily remarried now, my current husband adopted my baby, and then we went on to have another one together. I thought it was the end of the world when I went through that divorce and our family fell apart, but it wasn't. I got to start a whole new and improved life! So hang in there!

Peace to you and your children.

soberbrooke

In order to make him hit rock bottom, I had to leave. We are not married, but I am not going back. We have been together since we were 28 and now we are 42, and I am finished. I am not sure if he is hitting rock bottom, but I am doing the right thing, If we were married, I would file for divorce.
Tough love is not the same as giving up. I have learned that from reading all of these posts on this site. I am letting him go - I can't change him, I didn't cause it and I can't control him. I am finally starting to understand that statement. It is hard, but I just keep coming to this forum everyday to remind me of what I am trying to achieve. I am also coming here to get reminded of how it would be if I did allow him back into my life! He constantly lies to me and everyone he is in contact with, he steals from me, and he cheats on me, not with other women (I don't think), but he cheats in other ways. I have to come here to read others stories, because that is exactly what I have been dealing with since we were 28, I can't take it anymore!!!!

outtolunch

Sounds like leaving was initially just another attempt to control/compel him to change. Sounds like it did not work. It never does.

You have chosen to save yourself. Bravo.