If not Al-Anon, what else?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: cleveland ohio
Posts: 2
If not Al-Anon, what else?
New person and mom of an alcohol and drug addicted 23 year old. I'm new to facing his problem although I've let it go on for eight years. I'm ashamed for that.
He has just entered a rehab program (voluntarilyy) but only because he is facing drug charges in court.
I dont want him to come back home. How have you handled this coming home part?
Al-Anon didn't seem comfortable it was extremely sad and painful for me. I was told to go back at least 5 more times before I give up. Has anyone else found something different than Al-Anon? Thank you all for reading.
He has just entered a rehab program (voluntarilyy) but only because he is facing drug charges in court.
I dont want him to come back home. How have you handled this coming home part?
Al-Anon didn't seem comfortable it was extremely sad and painful for me. I was told to go back at least 5 more times before I give up. Has anyone else found something different than Al-Anon? Thank you all for reading.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hi, welcome, it's the weekend, so lots of peeps are not around.
I'm so sorry about your situation with your son. There are many parents here who have children that are addicted. I'm sure they will all chime in .
I don't have an addicted child, my A was my boyfriend. I can't imagine going through this with a child.
It must be painful in Al anon, if it's too hard for you to go back at this point, maybe some counseling just for you. Then maybe al anon sometime down the road.
I wish I could have been more help. Again welcome. So glad you found us.
Katie
I'm so sorry about your situation with your son. There are many parents here who have children that are addicted. I'm sure they will all chime in .
I don't have an addicted child, my A was my boyfriend. I can't imagine going through this with a child.
It must be painful in Al anon, if it's too hard for you to go back at this point, maybe some counseling just for you. Then maybe al anon sometime down the road.
I wish I could have been more help. Again welcome. So glad you found us.
Katie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 342
There are parents of A in the alanon group I go to who didn't think they would come back but after several months they are really glad that they keep coming.
My spouse is A, we did have a time where we were separated and I would not allow alcohol in our home. He started into his recovery after a DUI.
I hope you do try 5 more meetings and reach out to others who may offer you their experience, strength and hope to help lessen the pain.
Maybe try a different meeting, the principles are the same but another group might work better for you.
(((HUGS)))
My spouse is A, we did have a time where we were separated and I would not allow alcohol in our home. He started into his recovery after a DUI.
I hope you do try 5 more meetings and reach out to others who may offer you their experience, strength and hope to help lessen the pain.
Maybe try a different meeting, the principles are the same but another group might work better for you.
(((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Even the thought of Al-Anon was really hard for me for a long time (it took me five years to get to my first meeting).
Al-Anon is hard, and painful, and we often have people spend their first number of meetings just crying. For me just embracing the reality of loving someone with an addiction was incredibly painful.
However I found that instead of being alone in my pain I was surround by others that could understand, were not judging my pain, and often could relate to it.
That for me was healing.
I have also found reading about addiction, individual counseling and reading about codependency to be important to my healing process.
To recover people don't have to follow the same path or do the same things, but I have found I won't recover if I don't keep putting one foot in front of the other and walking the path that works for me. I know you will find the right path for you.
I agree that each Al-Anon meeting has a different flavor and some fit better then others.
Al-Anon is hard, and painful, and we often have people spend their first number of meetings just crying. For me just embracing the reality of loving someone with an addiction was incredibly painful.
However I found that instead of being alone in my pain I was surround by others that could understand, were not judging my pain, and often could relate to it.
That for me was healing.
I have also found reading about addiction, individual counseling and reading about codependency to be important to my healing process.
To recover people don't have to follow the same path or do the same things, but I have found I won't recover if I don't keep putting one foot in front of the other and walking the path that works for me. I know you will find the right path for you.
I agree that each Al-Anon meeting has a different flavor and some fit better then others.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please stick around and post as often as needed.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts (called stickies) at the top of the main forum page. I am always finding wisdom in those posts.
The 3 C's of your son's addiction:
You did not Cause this
You cannot Control this
You won't Cure this
Forgive yourself and find a way to take care of you today. You are worth the effort.
Please stick around and post as often as needed.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts (called stickies) at the top of the main forum page. I am always finding wisdom in those posts.
Originally Posted by justfortoday906 
I'm new to facing his problem although I've let it go on for eight years. I'm ashamed for that.
You did not Cause this
You cannot Control this
You won't Cure this
Forgive yourself and find a way to take care of you today. You are worth the effort.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
AA/Al-anon doesn't work for me either. That said, I do agree with others that you have to give it several meetings to come to this individual conclusion.
Your son no doubt will be encouraged to work the AA program, so I would be supportive of that and not criticize the program, and you've probably figured that out yourself already.
Al-anon I think is great for some people. If it doesn't work for you, or even if it does, family therapy might be something you consider, and/or individual counseling to understand the ways in which you have enabled your son, and to change those dynamics so that he takes greater responsibility for himself.
Your son no doubt will be encouraged to work the AA program, so I would be supportive of that and not criticize the program, and you've probably figured that out yourself already.
Al-anon I think is great for some people. If it doesn't work for you, or even if it does, family therapy might be something you consider, and/or individual counseling to understand the ways in which you have enabled your son, and to change those dynamics so that he takes greater responsibility for himself.
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