shawty80

my xabf sent me a little text this afternoon. it was a picture of a turtle in his yard and the message said, "spotted this turtle as i was leaving. nobody else cares, but i thought you would." it's a rather benign message, but it left me in tears, wondering why he sent it. i'm trying hard to let it go, and i have not responded. i think this is just kinda the last straw for today, as i'm already consumed with thoughts of what we were doing a mere month ago on this day. we were on a plane to hawaii for our first (and i guess last) vacation together.

i hate rum.

Seren

(((shawty))) I'm so sorry.....maybe it's time, finally, to block his number completely from your phone?

Learn2Live

He sent it ...

so that this would happen.

It's an emotional hook.

The less I know, the better off I am. That is why he is "A$$hole" on my cellphone and I have told him do not text me and do not call me. (So far he has respected this). I only allow contact via email and only when it is absolutely necessary. I refuse any personal information or message and have told him business only.

I understand completely being consumed by the memory of who he was a month ago. I hope you are able to see who is he now. It is mind-blowing, isn't it? How they will change or turn on you on a dime.

Summerpeach

Don't analyze it more than you have to. It was a simple txt b/c like you are thinking of him, he's thinking of you.
Of course it's painful because you still love him. You're both hurting and NC is the only way to make it stop.
Did you tell him it was too hard if he contacts you?

shawty80

hg, i've changed his ringtone to the quacking duck, and his text notification is set to silent. i will have to go through my provider to block his number, but i can't seem to make myself do it yet. he's deleted and blocked on fb, though! thanks for the hug!

l2l, it is a complete mindf*ck, that's for sure. even the day we broke up is a blur: one minute he's spending $700 to trade in a mountain bike for a road bike so that he can keep up with me, and the next minute he's telling me that i'm never going to find someone successful and funny (like him), but if i do to run for it, because i was "tiring the f*ck out of" him. i'm still struggling with understanding that he's projecting much of his self-hatred onto me, but MAN it sure sounded like he loathed me!!

summer, i didn't respond today, but i have asked him to leave me alone. i'm guilty of breaking nc last week, but when he told me that he's mean to me because that's the only thing that will shut me up, i decided to reinforce my rule...for myself. he's not gonna get the best of me anymore!!!

hugs to you all,

misty <3

Learn2Live

Of course he loathes you, and resents you, because you are the only thing standing between him and his drug of choice. Of course the behavior is contradictory, because when they gotta have it, they gotta have it, and they drop everything to get it. The bike thing was a healthy thought, a healthy behavior. But it's very difficult to maintain healthy thoughts and behaviors when you have a diseased mind and diseased body. It sucks being in a relationship with these folks because they are so unstable and unpredictable, and they become so cruel and nasty. I've been going thru this all my life, beginning with my dad who is the kindest, nicest, sweetest, most self-less and loving man on earth. But who will change into a nasty, disgusting, hateful, abusive drunk. Talk about Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. I've witnessed 3 XBFs relapse and Dr Jeckyll Mr Hyde changes in them, just like my dad. It is so very painful. But for some reason, this keeps happening to me so I have to look within to find the lesson so it can STOP! I'm willing to bet you do too Shawty. Let me know if you figure it out