washbe2

Just after my previous rant, I checked my e-mail. In it was a message from my baby brother. I decided to share it because it is beautiful and (at least to me) brilliant. He writes the following:

I learned over much time that while I can't control what another person does, I can control what I will and will not do, and having done that, I prayed that I would never again answer a request before I gave myself one hour to consider it from every angle before I gave an answer to the request.

My hour-long contemplation would begin and end with the written boundaries I had already decided upon, i.e, Is it legal? Is it right? Is it fair to me? Does it enable behavior that is illegal, unhealthy, and self-destructive? Will I be appreciated if I do it? Is it in keeping with what I know to be God's Will in this situation?

Having answered those questions, the answer is decided. The decision is final. I don't consider an appeal. I don't even listen to one. I answer by saying "This is my decision. I've decideded this based on my values. If you don't share my values, nothing I say will enable you to understand my decision. But you don't have to understand it. It's not your decision. It's mine. I've made it. There is nothing to re-think.

My values will not change based on any thing said to me at this point. Don't ask me to do this or anything like it ever again. My decision is unchangeable. You need to make decisions about your own circumstances, and your own life.

I love you, but this is the way it has to be from now on because, though I have not always chosen correctly in the past, and I apologize to you for that, I've not helped you. I have hurt you by trying to help you even though I knew what I was doing was right.

Forgive me for not being stronger, I'll forgive you for the hurt your choices have caused me. I hope you choose wisely. I cannot continue in this manner another day. I've reached a turning point. For your sake, I pray you do the same before it's too late." Then I end the conversation.


Then he writes to me, " I offer these thoughts to you now because I do love you. I'm praying for you and for ***."

outtolunch

Poetry in self preservation.

Ann

I just love your brother, really I do. Those are lovely wise words and I am keeping them in my "treasures".

Thank you for sharing this, Washbe, I will revisit his words often.

Big hugs

greeteachday

Wow! In your previous post, you questioned your faith - had some doubt about what God could do. I think God answered your questions through your brother. Beautiful.

tjp613

Absolutely agree with this 110%. I dont think His message could be any more clear.

I know you love your son--nothing can ever change that. Letting go is the highest form of love one can express- can you see it? God allowed His own son to suffer greatly and did not intervene--for a greater good.

((((((hugs)))))) sweetie.

Impurrfect

That is pretty awesome and timely, IMO. Sometimes we get what we need from people we least expect.

You and your brother are way at the top of my prayer list, as is your son.

I, personally, would consider this one of those "God-incidences".

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

Vale

Washbe2,

None of your previous posts were "rants".You were hurting and
needed to share.So do I sometimes.We all do.That is why we are
here.We were all people affected by the terrible event of addiction.
The letter from your baby brother WAS beautiful (and brilliant!)

hope2be

Washbe2:
Thank you for posting this as I have been struggling with emotional detachment. The physical detachment was easy bc I so needed a break from all the drama.

Your brother's message is truly a gift from God & i will use it to guide my decisions from now on. The manipulation game is really coming at me from all directions as I figured it would when my adult children's money ran out (sold the house/gave them their proceeds as dictated by state law) .

Its so hard to react with anything but a Mothers love but this will clear the fog bf I open my mouth.

THANKS AGAIN
Huggs

washbe2

I will pass along to my brother the words of appreciation you have given. I am proud of him.

EJG123

Washbe- Sometimes a person a step-removed from the drama can see more clearly what we those of us with front-row seats. I hope you can use your brother's wise words to get through this stressful time.

LoveMeNow

Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you don't mind that I am saving his letter.

Washbe, I don't believe in coincidences. God is revealing himself. Have faith and TRUST HIM!!

Nina Kay

Washbe,
Your brother is a very intelligent & loving man & he is also very wise. You are very blessed to have him in your life. I can tell that he loves you & your son.

I hope that you don't mind if I too, print out & keep your brothers letter as a type of guide to set my boundaries also.

(((((((((Caring Hugs))))))))))))

Kindeyes

Wow. Your brother put into words exactly what I would love to have the opportunity to say to my own addicted son. Do you think he would mind if I borrowed his wise words? They are a perfect combination of compassionate yet firm.

gentle hugs
Ke

Learn2Live

Your brother is a very wise man. I was glad to read his letter because it reminded me of something I used to live by (and post here) everyday, before AXBF invaded my space and took over every moment of my life. And that is, know and honor your values. Know them well and wake up every morning reviewing what your values are. Make the decisions about what you will and will not do before you even get out of bed in the morning.

The reason I started doing this many years ago is because I knew I had weak boundaries. And I also learned that when you act in opposition to your values, you hurt yourself and you degrade your self-esteem. I need to start building my self-esteem back up now. Thank you for this beautiful reminder how.

(((hugs))) to you and your brother. I am grateful for your words.