TOPIC: It's Hard To Comprehend Long Term Sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
TOPIC: It's Hard To Comprehend Long Term Sobriety
Yes, it is hard to comprehend long term sobriety
is you've never experienced it. Hard to imagine
staying sober for any length of time if we continue
to relapse with our own drinking or drugs.
I know for myself when I was in early recovery
I couldnt understand how those "oldtimers" could
stay sober or clean for as long as they had. What
ever they were doing was what I wanted to do more
than anything.
To comprehend long term sobriety I needed to
hear what they had to say. I needed to see them
speak and see their faces as they shared how they
stay sober each day. Sharing what their life was
like before, during and after alcohol or drugs.
Each day that I stay sober over a period of time,
then there was a glimmer of hope that a program
of recovery, the same thing these "oldtimers" were
incorperating in their own lives, could be comprehenceable
and believable in my own life.
If it wasnt for those staying sober for long lengths
of time before me, then I wouldnt know what life
would be like yrs. from now if I stay sober myself.
For those still struggling or those just beginning
recovery, you can comprehend what it is like to
be sober yourself because there is hope. Hope that
many have stay sober and clean and are living a
happy, rewarding life in recovery each day.
Find those members in recovery and tune into
ther stories and listen to their experiences, strengths
and hopes so you will know that you can stay sober
or clean too for yrs to come.
is you've never experienced it. Hard to imagine
staying sober for any length of time if we continue
to relapse with our own drinking or drugs.
I know for myself when I was in early recovery
I couldnt understand how those "oldtimers" could
stay sober or clean for as long as they had. What
ever they were doing was what I wanted to do more
than anything.
To comprehend long term sobriety I needed to
hear what they had to say. I needed to see them
speak and see their faces as they shared how they
stay sober each day. Sharing what their life was
like before, during and after alcohol or drugs.
Each day that I stay sober over a period of time,
then there was a glimmer of hope that a program
of recovery, the same thing these "oldtimers" were
incorperating in their own lives, could be comprehenceable
and believable in my own life.
If it wasnt for those staying sober for long lengths
of time before me, then I wouldnt know what life
would be like yrs. from now if I stay sober myself.
For those still struggling or those just beginning
recovery, you can comprehend what it is like to
be sober yourself because there is hope. Hope that
many have stay sober and clean and are living a
happy, rewarding life in recovery each day.
Find those members in recovery and tune into
ther stories and listen to their experiences, strengths
and hopes so you will know that you can stay sober
or clean too for yrs to come.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
Very timely post for me, thank you. I'm nearly 4 months sober and was discussing with others "do you think you'll ever drink again". Some people said they would. Made me feel a bit sad.
For me, I can't drink again. It's not that I have one drink and I never stop, but I just could not tolerate my life and my head again when booze was incorporated into the mix. It was a slow drip, drip effect that destroyed my emotions and interactions with others.
Now that I've some sobriety, the question is "what next, what happens?". I sometimes feel as if I'm not handling things well as I'm aware I had long-term issues with depression, couldn't handle relationships, and went off into my own little world and constructed all these weird fantasies.
And I can see it all now that I'm sober. Which is scary, but at least being off alcohol (for good, I hope) allows me to start looking at it all. I guess I sit there and wish there was a magic switch for it all to be okay, maybe it takes longer and some work.
For me, I can't drink again. It's not that I have one drink and I never stop, but I just could not tolerate my life and my head again when booze was incorporated into the mix. It was a slow drip, drip effect that destroyed my emotions and interactions with others.
Now that I've some sobriety, the question is "what next, what happens?". I sometimes feel as if I'm not handling things well as I'm aware I had long-term issues with depression, couldn't handle relationships, and went off into my own little world and constructed all these weird fantasies.
And I can see it all now that I'm sober. Which is scary, but at least being off alcohol (for good, I hope) allows me to start looking at it all. I guess I sit there and wish there was a magic switch for it all to be okay, maybe it takes longer and some work.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Well it's always difficult to imagine doing something you've never done. Being married, giving birth, being a parent, all those things seemed very mysterious and even impossible to contemplate before I did them. Long-term abstinence from addictive behaviors was also hard to imagine, but like all the other things I couldn't imagine, it's turned out fine, in fact much better than I expected.
And there's a pattern to all changes in life. At first the things we can't imagine are strange, but eventually they become the new normal. At this point I frankly can't imagine going back!
And there's a pattern to all changes in life. At first the things we can't imagine are strange, but eventually they become the new normal. At this point I frankly can't imagine going back!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Newly sober, it's hard to imagine having to keep up the monumental effort that staying sober takes. We don't yet have the experience of sobriety being our default setting.
It is hard to conceive that "not drinking/using" will ever be something that comes automatically, and that we won't have to put incredible effort into it every minute of the day.
But in time sobriety DOES "sink in". And our lives open up, and we get busy living, and recovery builds momentum, and with maintenance, it becomes a friendship with ourselves, not some twisted form or chemotherapy...if I don't do this I'll die, but instead, we do recovery because we want to live.
Early on I had no concept of any of that, but in recovery, I met people who were busy living, who no longer were at war with themselves 24 hours a day. And they told me I could have that too.
It is hard to conceive that "not drinking/using" will ever be something that comes automatically, and that we won't have to put incredible effort into it every minute of the day.
But in time sobriety DOES "sink in". And our lives open up, and we get busy living, and recovery builds momentum, and with maintenance, it becomes a friendship with ourselves, not some twisted form or chemotherapy...if I don't do this I'll die, but instead, we do recovery because we want to live.
Early on I had no concept of any of that, but in recovery, I met people who were busy living, who no longer were at war with themselves 24 hours a day. And they told me I could have that too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
1 day sober is making it thru one day without a
drink or drug. 4 months clean or sober is making
it thru a bunch of one days not drinking or taking
a drug added together. That in itself is a HUGE accompliment.
I didnt need to worry about fixing a whole bunch
of things in my life emmediately because learning
to stay sober one day at a time was enough to keep
my plate full, so to speak.
I was 30 yrs old when I entered recovery. Married
7 or 8 yrs, with 2 little one 4 and 6 at the time. When
I returned home from my 28 rehab stay, I had to pick
up being a mom and wife emmediately while learning
to stay sober. By no means was it easy, however, I
will say that the desire to drink was lifted pretty quickly.
In recovery with a little family, i didnt want to cause
to many waves especially for my little ones and tried
to keep as positive and encouraging to them as possible.
Sure I was unhappy, restless and discontent in my
25 yr marriage but i stuck to my program of recovery
to get me thru hard times. And sure, I cried, and pounded
the steering wheel, escaped to meetings, parks all
staying sober and working my program to the best
of my ability.
Anxiety, I had it, but didnt address it till my kids were off
to college and it was just my husband and I alone at home.
I thought if i would address that issue then all would be
well with my marriage. With theraphy for this situation,
I was able to settle my anxiety and wished I would have
delt with it yrs ago, but had no idea help was availble. Duh..!
In early recovery, i had no idea my marriage of 25 yrs.
would come to an end. In early early recovery, I had no
idea i would return to my hometown where I never wanted
to leave in the first place. In early recovery I had no idea
I would meet someone else and remarry. 3 yrs now. Never
did I imagine being as happy and content in my life. Never
did I imagine that as long as I stayed sober, doing the next
best thing day after day that the promises as stated in the
Big Book of AA would actually come true and still are.
I read those promises, and shared my ESH as suggested
and today I can continue to comprehend that I will be
taken care of and there is no need to worry.
I leave my worrying for the Man upstairs to guide me
and strengthen me in all areas of my recovery life.
It can and will happen because it has for so many
before you and me.
drink or drug. 4 months clean or sober is making
it thru a bunch of one days not drinking or taking
a drug added together. That in itself is a HUGE accompliment.
I didnt need to worry about fixing a whole bunch
of things in my life emmediately because learning
to stay sober one day at a time was enough to keep
my plate full, so to speak.
I was 30 yrs old when I entered recovery. Married
7 or 8 yrs, with 2 little one 4 and 6 at the time. When
I returned home from my 28 rehab stay, I had to pick
up being a mom and wife emmediately while learning
to stay sober. By no means was it easy, however, I
will say that the desire to drink was lifted pretty quickly.
In recovery with a little family, i didnt want to cause
to many waves especially for my little ones and tried
to keep as positive and encouraging to them as possible.
Sure I was unhappy, restless and discontent in my
25 yr marriage but i stuck to my program of recovery
to get me thru hard times. And sure, I cried, and pounded
the steering wheel, escaped to meetings, parks all
staying sober and working my program to the best
of my ability.
Anxiety, I had it, but didnt address it till my kids were off
to college and it was just my husband and I alone at home.
I thought if i would address that issue then all would be
well with my marriage. With theraphy for this situation,
I was able to settle my anxiety and wished I would have
delt with it yrs ago, but had no idea help was availble. Duh..!
In early recovery, i had no idea my marriage of 25 yrs.
would come to an end. In early early recovery, I had no
idea i would return to my hometown where I never wanted
to leave in the first place. In early recovery I had no idea
I would meet someone else and remarry. 3 yrs now. Never
did I imagine being as happy and content in my life. Never
did I imagine that as long as I stayed sober, doing the next
best thing day after day that the promises as stated in the
Big Book of AA would actually come true and still are.
I read those promises, and shared my ESH as suggested
and today I can continue to comprehend that I will be
taken care of and there is no need to worry.
I leave my worrying for the Man upstairs to guide me
and strengthen me in all areas of my recovery life.
It can and will happen because it has for so many
before you and me.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
When my moment came, I looked at everything, every idea, every method other folks used and talked about, to get sober, and stay sober. I was afraid of the idea of staying sober forever because it had been 30 years since I had gone a single day without a drink. I was terrified, you betcha.
What I wanted from the outset was to be done with this mess for good, so that was my expectation. So, I looked to people who had recovered, for people who knew that they would not drink today, not tomorrow, not ever. I looked for it, and I found it.
I took charge, took ownership, and full responsibility, and added the confidence that I was going to do this because there was no longer any option, and because I decided that I could.
The relief of knowing, really knowing, that I was never going to take another drink sent me over the moon. I never had to do the miserable things that had filled my life ever again. No lies, no shame, no regrets, no blackouts, no disappointment, no hangovers. I was free for good.
What I wanted from the outset was to be done with this mess for good, so that was my expectation. So, I looked to people who had recovered, for people who knew that they would not drink today, not tomorrow, not ever. I looked for it, and I found it.
I took charge, took ownership, and full responsibility, and added the confidence that I was going to do this because there was no longer any option, and because I decided that I could.
The relief of knowing, really knowing, that I was never going to take another drink sent me over the moon. I never had to do the miserable things that had filled my life ever again. No lies, no shame, no regrets, no blackouts, no disappointment, no hangovers. I was free for good.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Coventry West Midlands
Posts: 56
I do not know what it is like in the US but in the UK there is a great social pressure to start drinking again.
Others can accept, possibly even respect, a decision to stop for a month, or a few months. The expectation though is that after that break you start again. I think that is the real point as far as I see it, others take the view you are having a break from alcohol, not stopping. This view is not just in the bars but in a large part of society as well.
I honestly think this will have to change. The younger drinkers are, particularly female, the more they drink. The real shame is that only when damage is done to large numbers of people will society start to change.
It will be interesting to see how my will power holds up on this.
Cov.
Others can accept, possibly even respect, a decision to stop for a month, or a few months. The expectation though is that after that break you start again. I think that is the real point as far as I see it, others take the view you are having a break from alcohol, not stopping. This view is not just in the bars but in a large part of society as well.
I honestly think this will have to change. The younger drinkers are, particularly female, the more they drink. The real shame is that only when damage is done to large numbers of people will society start to change.
It will be interesting to see how my will power holds up on this.
Cov.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
them long timers amazed me when i got into recovery. " how do i get there?" i asked one of em. " dont drink, go to meetings, and dont die, one day at a time" was the response.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Just as I was a child, going thru physical, verbal
abuse at the hand of a sick, beautiful, functioning
mother, ridiculed and bullied all thru out grade school
and high school, did I ever imagine leaving home at
18 to try and replace the unhappy childhood I had.
I did imagine getting married and having a little family,
wishing for a boy and girl and being blessed with them.
I did wish to not abuse my babies like I was and was
blessed to not do so.
I look back and remembered stealing a plastic prayer
card that was inside my mothers bible. It was the Serenity
Prayer, and little did I know how that prayer would become
something significant in my life yrs later. Of course at
that time it was incomprehensible. I also remember finding
a piece of paper in the back pew with a prayer written on
it at the church we went to in high school say, "whatever
you wish for in a prayer, believe that you recieved it and
it shall be yours says the Lord."
Little did I know back in the day that that little prayer
would stay with me and be used when my life was in
turmoil.
Its amazing to me as I look back on my life how
I never comprended what my life would turn out
to be. The difficult days that passed one by one
to finally get to a place where I honesly feel free.
Like the weight of the world has been lifted off my
shoulders.
Today I cant comprehend or imagine what lies
ahead in my recovery life and all I can continue
to do is pass on the knowledge of recovery to
those who are still struggling with addiction till
my life is no more. To take each day no matter
what life throws at me and accept them with
gratefullness and apply my program of recovery
when necessary.
Im pretty sure I am right where I need to be no
matter what i thought it was to be yrs. ago.
abuse at the hand of a sick, beautiful, functioning
mother, ridiculed and bullied all thru out grade school
and high school, did I ever imagine leaving home at
18 to try and replace the unhappy childhood I had.
I did imagine getting married and having a little family,
wishing for a boy and girl and being blessed with them.
I did wish to not abuse my babies like I was and was
blessed to not do so.
I look back and remembered stealing a plastic prayer
card that was inside my mothers bible. It was the Serenity
Prayer, and little did I know how that prayer would become
something significant in my life yrs later. Of course at
that time it was incomprehensible. I also remember finding
a piece of paper in the back pew with a prayer written on
it at the church we went to in high school say, "whatever
you wish for in a prayer, believe that you recieved it and
it shall be yours says the Lord."
Little did I know back in the day that that little prayer
would stay with me and be used when my life was in
turmoil.
Its amazing to me as I look back on my life how
I never comprended what my life would turn out
to be. The difficult days that passed one by one
to finally get to a place where I honesly feel free.
Like the weight of the world has been lifted off my
shoulders.
Today I cant comprehend or imagine what lies
ahead in my recovery life and all I can continue
to do is pass on the knowledge of recovery to
those who are still struggling with addiction till
my life is no more. To take each day no matter
what life throws at me and accept them with
gratefullness and apply my program of recovery
when necessary.
Im pretty sure I am right where I need to be no
matter what i thought it was to be yrs. ago.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
The relief of knowing, really knowing, that I was never going to take another drink sent me over the moon. I never had to do the miserable things that had filled my life ever again. No lies, no shame, no regrets, no blackouts, no disappointment, no hangovers. I was free for good.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by freshstart57 
The relief of knowing, really knowing, that I was never going to take another drink sent me over the moon. I never had to do the miserable things that had filled my life ever again. No lies, no shame, no regrets, no blackouts, no disappointment, no hangovers. I was free for good.
3 years later he is still right, i haven't had to drink again:-)
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
i am still in the phase of my recovery where contemplating long term sobriety is a bit overwhelming. i like focusing on my day by day. i can get behind a week and a month now. thinking about holidays doesn't bother me too much either now but thinking about never drinking again still gets me a little down. i figure i'll just take every day as it comes. so far, i haven't woken up thinking "i feel wonderful! time to blow my sobriety out the window!" because that's how i feel when i think about drinking. sure, i could probably hold myself to a couple of drinks now but oh the shame! my sobriety! my pride and joy! and the door those drinks could open. i like to think that every day i don't drink is another chain i wrap around that door i shut. to think that one drink is all it takes to shatter those chains. they're so strong when i don't drink. i have almost no temptations but one drink...i would be lost. it would shatter my ego and i would go back to thinking that since i'd already drunk i might as well go all the way.
long term sobriety...it's daunting to think about. i've gotta eat my elephant one bite at a time.
long term sobriety...it's daunting to think about. i've gotta eat my elephant one bite at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
It wasn't so much not having alcohol in my
home to not tempt me anymore but rather
it was those little everyday aggrivations in
life, emotions, disappointments, failures,
relationships, the whole ball of wax so to
speak that I wanted to drink over.
Thank goodness there are programs of recovery
and knowledge of our disease to help us work
around those obsticals that would bug us
to drink to not drink.
home to not tempt me anymore but rather
it was those little everyday aggrivations in
life, emotions, disappointments, failures,
relationships, the whole ball of wax so to
speak that I wanted to drink over.
Thank goodness there are programs of recovery
and knowledge of our disease to help us work
around those obsticals that would bug us
to drink to not drink.
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