sparklingeyes

him enough he would stop drinking? I can't believe all I have endured. I should be dead right now. He wouldn't let me sleep, stole money, beat me and I have lost everything because of it. I am so mentally a.d physically beaten down. Why couldn't I have loved myself like I do him?

DAB

Sorry to hear about the crap you had to put up with.
The disease of alcoholism can only be put in remission when the alcoholic admits they have the disease, and then loves themselves enough to do whatever it takes to stop drinking. My wife thought for years that she could change me, it wasn't until she made the decision to take our daughter and leave me and my health was going downhill, that I finally realized I would loose everything I cared about if I didn't quit.
I've been sober 8 1/2 months now, and my wife and I are closer than ever.
I thank God and AA for my recovery.

sparklingeyes

Thank you. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of the lies and being with someone who just doesn't care.

EnglishGarden

You will regenerate, sparklingeyes. Like the little sprouts of grass that grow after a forest fire. Just like that, your green life will start to come back.

We are glad you are here. I hope you get some rest and good food and plenty of sunshine.

LoveMeNow

Please call a domestic violence abuse hotline. They can and will help you!!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

It's not too late to love YOURSELF more then him.

sparklingeyes

I just read "From the emotional abuser's viewpoint", I thought I was crazy. I had just come home from the grocery store and we were supposed to go swimming. He tells me he's going to see a band. It's always at the last minute so I didn't go. He will sleep 13 hours just to avoid me. I was feeling like I was some disgusting needy freak. Thank you all so very much.

catlovermi

:ghug3

I would venture to say we all thought if we just loved them right or more or harder or more carefully, or (add your own adjectives) we could influence the drinking.

We've all been there.

The wonderful news is many of us have embarked upon our own healing.

You can get there, too, with work and support!

Sending encouragement,

CLMI

Alucard

Wow, this describes well what it is like living with a hardcore alcoholic. "Mentally beaten down" is exactly what I felt.

Buffalo66

I think there are levels of these realizations.
The trick, I think is to stick with it, and let it grow, eventually it will grow into a new (or old) pattern of self care.
You just got lost. For however long.
Self forgiveness is really big for you right now.

See the pattern, and keep active toward making the changes.

Keep posting. It gets better.

transformyself

Did you get a computer or are you still using your phone?

lillamy

Big hugs, friend.
Like catlovermi said, most of us have believed we can love people into sobriety and recovery. If it worked, none of us would be on this site seeking support and holding each other up.

You are worth loving. You are a beautiful human being. And you deserve to live in peace.

painfully

You can never love him enough to keep him from drinking and being abusive. It isn't about you, it's about him and his issues.
The person you need to worry about is you, and loving yourself enough. You can do it.