sparklingeyes

My fiancee told me that I have saggy boobs. I felt really bad about myself. He does not want sex and has told me that he hates women and doesn't even like having sex with them when he was drunk. It seemed he is very angry, so I knew it wasn't me. Somehow, I have allowed it all to get to me. I started feeling very ugly, unattractive, and unloveable. I was walking home yesterday. (I do not have a vehicle, so I walk a lot) Sometimes I have men offer me rides. If I wasn't so tired from walking such long distances, then I would never accept them. I've been offered money for sex and a job as an escort. I declined the offers because that is not for me. Anyhow, I was offered a ride yesterday by a man and in a moment of horrible insecurity I was asking him questions about men and if I was ugly, unappealing. Then, I showed him my boobs and asked if they were disgusting. I am so embarassed. I don't know why I felt so insecure. I know my fiancee's comments should not affect my self-esteem, but it has. He wanted to have sex which I declined. I am so stupid and naiive sometimes. I feel so ashamed that I allowed someone to make me feel so ugly. I'm not beautiful, but I'm not repulsive either. I still feel ugly and unattractive and I know it's my job to make myself feel better, but I'm really having a difficult time with this.

Heartbroke353

I'm not very pretty, but I know I'm a great person.

Looks don't matter. Who you are as a person is what makes you beautiful.

rdlesstraveled

sparkling eyes,

your story brought tears to my eyes because you know what? You ARE a beautiful person!!!!!!! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!!!!!!!! You are loved and BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!

m1k3

Why is he still your fiancee?

That seems to me to be the more important question.

I have learned since I began working on myself and my program that I don't need anyone else's approval. I am fine just the way I am.

Your friend,

mmk11

My heart goes out to you. He is your fiancée but he talks to you like that? Do not believe the BS. He wants you to feel bad about yourself so he can feel good about himself.

Next time he insults your ta-tas, tell him you rather like your breasts- say it and beleive it!

Learn2Live

sparklingeyes, you have allowed a very sick, immature, and selfish person to affect how you feel about yourself and cause you to make dangerous decisions. Do you have access to a counselor or therapist that you can discuss this with? It seems there is some work you need to do on yourself. I am sorry that you are in this situation but I hope you take the measures you need to take to become stronger and make healthy decisions for YOU.

m1k3

anvil is right, you shouldn't be ashamed you should be thankful that nothing happened. I never thought of it but that was incredibly dangerous.

Your friend,

sparklingeyes

I know it was stupid, but I'm so far away from everything and I get tired from walking so much. I can't believe I feel so bad about myself. I thought the person who loves you wouldn't see your imperfections and point them out. When I love someone they look perfect to me. I even love their flaws. maybe I'm just screwed up in the head.

LaTeeDa

It wasn't stupid. It was dangerous and potentially self-destructive. Have you thought about moving closer to things so you won't put yourself in harms way just because you are tired?

L

sparklingeyes

I can't move closer. I am not working right now. I wouldn't accept rides from strangers if I didn't have to do so.

LaTeeDa

We all have choices. Sometimes we don't have the choice we want, and sometimes the choices we DO have aren't all that appealing, but we have choices nonetheless.

A bicycle is another choice.

You don't have to accept rides from strange men, and you don't have to show them your breasts.

L

m1k3

I usually don't give advice but bicycles are cheap transportation and a lot of fun. I used to commute to work, about 15 miles one way, on one. It wasn't even that good of a bike.

Your friend,

sparklingeyes

I don't have a bicycle. I thought I was ugly and asked a guy if I looked repulsive because of insecurity. I know what I did was wrong. If I could take it back, I would.

Zee

Seriously! Why on earth would you accept rides from strange men? That is courting a potential disaster! Public transport? bicycle?

Even worse, why are you asking those kinds of questions? Wow!

onlythetruth

sparklingeyes:

Perhaps it would help to view this incident as a wake-up call.

Seren

It really makes me so sad for you, Sparklingeyes....

So sad that you do not see your own worth and value as a human.
You are valuable and worthwhile.

So sad that you do not feel your own dignity.
You do have an inherent dignity.

So sad that somehow, you believe you deserve the treatment you are getting.
You deserve the best treatment from those around you.

So sad that you think that what you are receiving from your fiance is 'love'.
It's not love. It is control and abuse.

In some ways, perhaps you have been poisoned. The hateful, demeaning, cruel words of the man who claims to love you have poisoned your mind to believe that you are less than nothing.

HE COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

You are a valuable person, and you are worthy of love and respect. I hope and pray that someday you feel that within you.

jessiec

This post makes my heart hurt on a few levels. I'm so sorry he said that to you. Please let this upsetting situation be a huge learning experience. You are a worthy, valuable, beautiful person -- one who does not need the validation of a**holes!

It also upset me, because it reminded me of the night I left XABF. In an unprompted drunken rage, he called me fatass. As someone who has always struggled with body issues and battled her weight, this was the cruelest thing he ever could have said to me -- and he knew it (he has since apologized, but I can't unhear it).

I know it's not true. I know I have worked very hard on myself and look great (late bloomer -- no one recognized me at my high school reunion). I always have men who are interested in me and women complimenting me. I am comfortable in my skin.

But hearing that stung. Big time.

Chrisy

I am very sad that you in the situation
you are in. Your man truly is a snake who
is slowly killing you, as you feel so bad
about yourself, you will take whatever
abuse and crumbs he gives you.

Until you are ready to end it with him
for good and start getting therapy, there
is nothing no one can say.

I pray that someday you will see the
truth and leave this toxic relationship
behind and get healthy.

KRA

Your boyfriend is a jerk! Do you have someone you could stay with for a bit while you get your head straight? Is there a domestic violence shelter you could go to?

Your boyfriend is treating you terribly. I think if you spent some time away from him, you would see that and get stronger emotionally.

I've only been separated from my xagf for about 3 weeks. The fist week was hard, but now I'm ok. And now that I have a little distance from her, I can realize how horrible the situation was for me. And work on myself so I don't get in that situation again.

If you don't want to leave, is there a Church nearby that you could join? Just so you get some friends and have some contact with normal, non addicted people.

lizatola

I did things like this when I was around 19-22 or so. I remember having a boyfriend who made fun of my little belly pooch. I was a size 2 at the time and I was going around thinking I was fat. I remember exposing my breasts at a bar and also letting guys touch them when I was very insecure about my body. Honestly, being with someone who makes you feel that way is not worth it. My AH may be a narcissistic jerk but he never rags on my body or my shape or size.

What you did was risky and we all know it comes from your own insecurities. I also had guys tell me that I should be a stripper and that my dancers body would look awesome up on a table. Thank goodness I had enough fear to keep me from getting into that career path, but it was fear not self worth that kept me from doing it.

Honestly, I totally understand what you did and why. I pray that you might find a better way to commute to work or find the strength to break away from someone who makes you feel so badly and takes away from your value and self esteem. You ARE WORTH so much more, truly! I'm not going to go into my past here but I know that my low self esteem came from my dad and the fact that he was addicted to porn. I thought I had to look and act like those women because that was what I thought men wanted. It's taken me YEARS to work through this stuff but I've learned that I am beautiful, not because of what some guy at Home Depot thinks(yes, some guy hit on me recently at HD, LOL) but because I was created in love and that is truly my beauty. It comes from within and your confidence will grow as you come to realize that you are worth more than what your man says. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I did that for too long and life is too short.