Shallow

Little back story, Im an alcoholic and for the last few years Ive been addicted to the DXM in cough syrup. Its raked me over, Its just like alcohol, I cant stop, its horrible and its killing me.
I talked to my sponsor today and he told me to call him when I hit my bottom. Meaning dont call me until then. Ive known him for 14 yrs. Hes been like a father to me. He was the guy I looked up to when I was young and couldn't speak in meetings. He was the only alcoholic in my area who stayed around through turbulent times when meetings were remaking themselves. He was my rock. I feel cut off, angry, sad, alone. I also feel he was right.

Im falling apart, how do I stop and recover?

keithj

It's hard to know the situation, Shallow, but it's entirely possible that he is doing you a huge favor. Many times, out of ego or lack of humility, we try to surround the sick person with love and care, friendship, meetings, things to do, etc., that inadvertently gets in the way of somebody surrendering to their powerlessness. Maybe he's offering you the dignity of walking your own path. If that doesn't work for you, then maybe you become willing to consider giving your life over to the care of a higher power. Step 1 requires utter abandonment.

Anna

I don't use AA, but I'm sorry this happened.

Do you know someone else you could ask to sponsor you?

And, remember that there is always support here at SR.

Weasel1966

I cannot say for sure he is right... But he does sound like he knows you really well. That has to add weight to his comments.

It may be a rough way to say it but if I hear him right.... Get your sh!t together and value yours self enouh to be sober.

And I really don't think he gave up on you..... But You did it first.

I hope that does not sound harsh....

Best to you. You can recover... We all can!!,

Innerchild

He hasnt given up on you he is using tough love. He has known you for a long time and obviously really cares about you and he can only guide you not fix you. I am sure he doesnt want to watch you suffer and feels helpless.

Shallow

Which begs the question how the **** do I get off of this ****? **** I hate this cough syrup crap. Its ******* torture. If it were whiskey like it used to be I would surely be dead. For some reason Im still here, I dont understand why.

keithj

What worked for me with alcohol, was Step 1, followed by Step 2, and so forth. It's worked for a couple million others as well.

Shallow

Ive got people giving me money. I dont have to work I guess Im a good alcoholic. Im in a very dangerous situation, meaning that it could go on forever. I want it to stop. How are you supposed to bottom out with a setup like that? Man, I need some help.

covrecover

Is he not waiting for you to take the first step.

If people want to break an addiction the first step must be from them. Others cannot break your addiction for you. They can support you, and help you, but you must take that first step.

Cov.

Shallow

How do I take that first step?

onlythetruth

I totally disagree with the whole notion of hitting bottom. I have seen people die because they think they can't decide to get better until some horrible catastrophe happens.

In reality all successfully recovered people made a decision at some point. A decision to change our lives. That looks different for different people. My decision was basically that I was going to quit or die trying. Others decide to commit themselves to a certain recovery group or path. Perhaps it doesn't matter much, but waiting to get worse is not a decision, it is a NON-decision and it can kill.

I would hate to see you die. Are you ready to decide?

Anna

Well, you could stop buying cough syrup and get rid of what you have.

It's simply putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.

onlythetruth

You decide. And then you do what you need to do to follow through on the decision. Like Anna said, throwing away the cough syrup would be an excellent action to take first.

Shallow

You two dont understand.

freshstart57

What OTT said. Also, whenever you quit, after whatever horrible state you can imagine has been achieved, it will be in the present moment for you. It is trite to say that the present moment is the only one in which we live, but that idea can lead to some powerful actions.

Since it will be a present moment when you finally act, why not make that choice now? It will become more difficult with each robitussin swig. If you are truly looking for the easiest way out of this mess, quit now.

tomsteve

one problem i see is you made your sponsor your "rock". making another person your "rock" aint workin for ya. your sponsor prolly saw that he was wasting time on someone not responsive and was denying someone else desperate enough to do whatever they had to do to get sober the help they wanted.
i sure hope you make a decision to do whatever is necessary.

Live2Run25

I don't think he meant it that way you are takign it. Tough love is what I feel he is doing. He probably cares about you, but senses you aren't really ready to stop. (not judging or trying to be mean) but it's true. It's sad, and tiring, and plain exhausting trying to get through to people over and over again just for them to ignore your advice. Maybe he was saying "Come back to me when you are serious about recovering"
it's a hard journey.. but it doesn't start until WE ourselves start it. We have to WANT it. When we want it BAD enough, we take that first step.

Shallow

I was a kid, fresh off the grateful dead scene. I was probably ~20 at the time when we met. Jerry Garcia had just died and I had just robbed my best friends house for drugs. I was a mess. Yeah, how would you grow out of that. It says somewhere that we either dominate or are docile (paraphrasing). Maybe we should part ways.

sugarbear1

Call a doctor for proper help to detox.

awuh1

Shallow I think that your financial situation might have something to do with the problem here. You say you have people giving you money and you don’t have to work. This might be a sort of set up. Please hear me out.

When people “work” they are exchanging their time and efforts to meet other people’s needs. In return they gain the means by which they can meet their own needs. When people don’t need to work their focus tends to be on self and the needs of self....to the exclusion of others. When this is the case from a young age, this lack of focus on other peoples needs leaves a sort of “hole” in that persons personal growth. This can lead to a sort of self-centeredness that is filled with quests to “feel good”. This can make an addiction almost the center of one’s life as it were, and escape from it all the more difficult. IMO the escape from your addiction will be on a road in which you find a way to change your focus from your own needs to a focus on the welfare of others. How you do this will be the difficulty.