Julynine

I remember when I finally quit smoking seven years ago shortly after the arrival of my first child. I had tried so many times before to quit, stubbing the last cigarrete out on a Sunday night, experiencing a few days/weeks of unpleasentness and then succumbing to the evil weed again and feeling useless and dejected.

This is kind of the same cycle for my relationship with alcohol. Dozens of failed attempts at quitting and returning to drinking often at an increased level than before I tried to quit. Feelings of inadequacy, regret, guilt (Oh the guilt), lack of self esteem/confidence (I could go on!).

Some alcoholics never try to quit drinking until they truly hit rock bottom and then never touch a drink again. Others, like me, don't want to reach that point and make every effort to try and halt the gradual decline before we get there but don't always succeed straight away. I don't think there is any shame in being in the second camp as most people with drink problems are acutely aware of the damage they are doing and really do want to do something about it.

I've reached the same point now as I did with my many years of attempting to give up smoking. I'm tired of going through this phase of quitting only to start drinking weeks/months later and then having to go through the whole 'giving up' process again.

In the end, for me, actually giving up smoking was an easier concept than the thought of going through another failed attempt. I think I'm at this point with my drinking. Hopefully a case of history repeating!

Anna

Yeah, I can relate to what you're saying.

I had so many failed attempts and each one hurt me more than the last. What remained of my dismal self-esteem faded away.

I hope that this time is the time for you to shine.

artsoul

Welcome Julynine!

It really is a vicious cycle. I didn't even know how much it weighed me down until I got sober and was able to look back. Getting support was the key for me after years of thinking I could cut down or quit on my own. We're glad you're here!

PaperDolls

Remember this, you get to decided what your bottom is. Don't compare yours with anyone else's. If you don't think your bottom is bad enough, it can always get worse.

Weasel1966

Classic is the word that comes to my mind. Classic in the sense that you describe accurately a large swat of the drinking public who have drinking issues. Or if nothing else.... You describe me to a tee.

I only seriously started trying in April. I have been on the rinse and repeat cycle since but that does not deter me. I too am at that point you describe.

Cannot say I hit a bottom.... More like I was dragged along the bottom for a good long time.

Best to you in your journey. You sound like you understand yourself well and can do what you need to do for yourself.