Can I make it?
Can I make it?
Ok. I've now equalled my sober record of 7 weeks. Got a manic day at work ahead, then a weekend on my own as H is working.
I am almost breathless with anxiety that all this is going to come crashing down around me. I have been having thoughts of drinking almost continuously this week and it has occupied my dreams too. There is some sort of internal battle waging in my head.
I can do this, I'm never going to make it, I'm strong, I'm weak, I'm confused.... I hate this, I hate being an alcoholic, it isn't fair!!!
I am almost breathless with anxiety that all this is going to come crashing down around me. I have been having thoughts of drinking almost continuously this week and it has occupied my dreams too. There is some sort of internal battle waging in my head.
I can do this, I'm never going to make it, I'm strong, I'm weak, I'm confused.... I hate this, I hate being an alcoholic, it isn't fair!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Of course you can make it. That self-doubt is being thrown at you by your addiction, trying to make you think you're not up to this. You totally are able to do this. Is it any more difficult than the first few days after you quit? Of course not. Besides, drinking doesn't change any of those issues. Just ensures you have to start all over again.
Look for the voice of your addiction in that conversation:
You: I can do this
It: You're never going to make it.
You: I'm strong.
It: You're weak. You're confused....
It cannot make you drink. It can't buy the booze, it can't even lift a glass off the counter. Its only weapon is to trick you into thinking you want to drink. It wants to drink. You obviously don't, or you wouldn't have made it this far.
You can do this. Don't let it trick you into doubting yourself for a second.
Look for the voice of your addiction in that conversation:
You: I can do this
It: You're never going to make it.
You: I'm strong.
It: You're weak. You're confused....
It cannot make you drink. It can't buy the booze, it can't even lift a glass off the counter. Its only weapon is to trick you into thinking you want to drink. It wants to drink. You obviously don't, or you wouldn't have made it this far.
You can do this. Don't let it trick you into doubting yourself for a second.
I drank all day every day for 5 years Jeni. No exaggeration.
If I can do it, seriously anyone can
I just took it day by day in the beginning - I had no faith in myself at all.
I was terrified I would drink.
But someone here told me something I never forgot.
Its down to me if I drink or not.
If I don't want to, there is no power that can force that liquid down my throat.
You have a lot of support Jeni - use it
You can do this - you'll be fine
If I can do it, seriously anyone can
I just took it day by day in the beginning - I had no faith in myself at all.
I was terrified I would drink.
But someone here told me something I never forgot.
Its down to me if I drink or not.
If I don't want to, there is no power that can force that liquid down my throat.
You have a lot of support Jeni - use it
You can do this - you'll be fine
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
Jeni, your mouth and your body are your temples. You will protect them at all costs.
And you will have fun, lots of fun without alcohol. Cause it's possible to have fun without alcohol.
And there is no such thing like JUST one drink! Nobody can force you to drink, Dee is right 101%. Nobody. You are the CEO of your life!
And you will have fun, lots of fun without alcohol. Cause it's possible to have fun without alcohol.
And there is no such thing like JUST one drink! Nobody can force you to drink, Dee is right 101%. Nobody. You are the CEO of your life!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 32
Jeni,
Today is day 45 for me. If you've put together seven weeks, you can definitely do it! I've been having the dreams over the last few days too. This morning I woke up and felt tremendous regret for drinking in my dream... UGH. This disease is a sneaky one. I am undeterred, however. I know it's just tricks of the disease.
What kind of support system do you have? Working any programs?
Today is day 45 for me. If you've put together seven weeks, you can definitely do it! I've been having the dreams over the last few days too. This morning I woke up and felt tremendous regret for drinking in my dream... UGH. This disease is a sneaky one. I am undeterred, however. I know it's just tricks of the disease.
What kind of support system do you have? Working any programs?
Thanks everyone. I'm in AA and going to a meeting tonight. Fridays meeting is always particularly important for me as it is historically my drinking night. Drunk by 6 p.m every week for years, that was my routine. I will be seeing my sponsor tonight but then she's going on holiday for a week, which is very bad timing. I'm planning on chatting to one of the other women tonight who I've got really friendly with and confiding in her, hopefully she can be my 'face to face' support if I need it. This is ridiculous I know, I'm just terrified of going backwards, my relapse last time was just so awful.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be working now, I'd better get on with it!
Deep breaths.....
Anyway, I'm supposed to be working now, I'd better get on with it!
Deep breaths.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 32
I'm working AA as well. I'd most certainly talk to the gal from the meeting for support. If that doesn't work out, let your sponsor know you would be grateful if she could introduce you to someone who could help out a bit this weekend if you need some facetime or support.
I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. This is serious business!
I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. This is serious business!
Jeni, just do what you've been doing for the last few weeks and when your going to break think about being in bed sober, then waking up and it's done .
You will be fine. Enjoy your weekend, remember how bad it can get remember Saturday mornings with a black hole of a memory , headaches stomach ache and self loathing.
We remember the first good feelings then after time forget the bad times .
It's going to be fine . This is who you are now and it can only get better and will.
John.
You will be fine. Enjoy your weekend, remember how bad it can get remember Saturday mornings with a black hole of a memory , headaches stomach ache and self loathing.
We remember the first good feelings then after time forget the bad times .
It's going to be fine . This is who you are now and it can only get better and will.
John.
When I would have times like that a little self talk went a long way. "Yes you want to drink. You're an alcoholic. That is part of the deal. That you think it's 'not fair' that you can't drink is another symptom of alcoholism. You're acting exactly as you should. But the truth is drinking is not a big deal to normal people. The fact that you want it this badly is just more evidence that you can't, ever drink again. Now what are you going to do to relax?"
Jeni,
Of course you CAN do it. We all can and many of us have. I too am in AA and recall early, white knuckling sobriety. A lot of meetings and a lot of prayer pulled me through. Early sobriety is not easy and your 7 weeks is a miracle! use the tools you have and keep in touch with those who support you even when, or should I say especially when, you feel like you dont want to. If you have the opportunity to work with a newcomer at a meeting, I am sure you will find that it is the best medicine out there. It works when all else fails. You dont need years of sobriety to help a new person. With your 7 weeks you can offer a lot of hope to someone with a few days. I would say a prayer for God to put someone in your path that you may be able to help.
Know that with step work, the white knuckling and anxiety filled days eventually cease to be. The world around us does not always change, but as our internal condition improves we are able to feel peace and serenity in the midst of everything that used to drive us mad.
I had to smash the belief that my drinking was triggered by anything externally. I believe I had a soul sickness and although outside circumstances may have aggravated that condition, they were not the real problem. Through the process of continuous working of the steps, my internal condition continues to improve and that external stuff cant compete with the grace that I have been given.
Life get's good. Real good. Just hang in and continue to work the program. The miracle can and will happen for you if you do whats suggested.
Thoughts and prayers going out for ya this morning!
Of course you CAN do it. We all can and many of us have. I too am in AA and recall early, white knuckling sobriety. A lot of meetings and a lot of prayer pulled me through. Early sobriety is not easy and your 7 weeks is a miracle! use the tools you have and keep in touch with those who support you even when, or should I say especially when, you feel like you dont want to. If you have the opportunity to work with a newcomer at a meeting, I am sure you will find that it is the best medicine out there. It works when all else fails. You dont need years of sobriety to help a new person. With your 7 weeks you can offer a lot of hope to someone with a few days. I would say a prayer for God to put someone in your path that you may be able to help.
Know that with step work, the white knuckling and anxiety filled days eventually cease to be. The world around us does not always change, but as our internal condition improves we are able to feel peace and serenity in the midst of everything that used to drive us mad.
I had to smash the belief that my drinking was triggered by anything externally. I believe I had a soul sickness and although outside circumstances may have aggravated that condition, they were not the real problem. Through the process of continuous working of the steps, my internal condition continues to improve and that external stuff cant compete with the grace that I have been given.
Life get's good. Real good. Just hang in and continue to work the program. The miracle can and will happen for you if you do whats suggested.
Thoughts and prayers going out for ya this morning!
Jeni, you can make it. You just said how awful it was relapsing at 7 weeks last time. Proof positive you, yourself, deep in your soul, do not want to drink. That is much more powerful than the AV and it's trickery. Just remember nothing about drinking is worth what you felt the last time you relapsed. Nothing about drinking is worth another day 1. I am in the 7 week mark too. Let's get to 8 weeks together! I hear the view is beautiful there! And they have cotton candy and puppy dogs!:ghug3
Jeni, you have experienced this before. The Voice of your addiction puts these ideas in your head that try to weaken your resolve, while your thinking brain trembles to hear what that Voice has to say to you.
You are Jeni. You are not the Voice, and It is not the Jeni that has been sober for these wonderful 7 weeks. The questions and self doubt, Can I Do This?, are not yours, but this Voice. You have learned some skills already to separate yourself from your Voice - you become mindful and aware of what is going on with you minute by minute.
Jeni does not drink anymore, simple as that. Everyone knows that, you see. When that Voice pipes up again, saying that It wants a drink, it is OK to give It a drink, this Jeni tells It that she does not drink now. Nope nope nope. She has all the power in this picture, now. Picture the Jeni that we have come to know - Look, there she is again, not drinking, confident that she won't drink no matter what. She is one tough cookie and can do this thing. I know it. When Jeni wakes up tomorrow, she will breathe a great sigh of satisfaction, sober still, ready to get on with living a new life.
You are Jeni. You are not the Voice, and It is not the Jeni that has been sober for these wonderful 7 weeks. The questions and self doubt, Can I Do This?, are not yours, but this Voice. You have learned some skills already to separate yourself from your Voice - you become mindful and aware of what is going on with you minute by minute.
Jeni does not drink anymore, simple as that. Everyone knows that, you see. When that Voice pipes up again, saying that It wants a drink, it is OK to give It a drink, this Jeni tells It that she does not drink now. Nope nope nope. She has all the power in this picture, now. Picture the Jeni that we have come to know - Look, there she is again, not drinking, confident that she won't drink no matter what. She is one tough cookie and can do this thing. I know it. When Jeni wakes up tomorrow, she will breathe a great sigh of satisfaction, sober still, ready to get on with living a new life.
Jeni- I'm at 9 weeks and have been having the same thoughts. It's frustrating, but I keep reminding myself that, though it seems like a REALLY long time, I am still in early recovery. I believe it will get better.
I have the same Friday night issue, and I too make Friday night a mandatory meeting night, which has really helped.
Reach out to others, got to extra meetings, read SR, and focus on how good you will feel when you get to Monday and are that much closer to 60 days!
I have the same Friday night issue, and I too make Friday night a mandatory meeting night, which has really helped.
Reach out to others, got to extra meetings, read SR, and focus on how good you will feel when you get to Monday and are that much closer to 60 days!
Jeni, congrats on 7 weeks!!! Surely, if you can do seven weeks, you can last a little longer?
If it helps: "We get exactly what we focus on: the problem or the solution."
Stay focused; you can do this. You can.
If it helps: "We get exactly what we focus on: the problem or the solution."
Stay focused; you can do this. You can.
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