turnasquare1

Hey everyone.

A bit about me:

I'm 23 and a student. My mom is a recovered alcoholic and has warned me from a young age about the dangers/potential for addiction in my genes. I've definitely got it in my blood, as I tend to have a pretty addictive personality.

I started smoking pot when I was in 7th grade. From high school until recently, I was a very heavy smoker (multiple times/day, every day). That really has never been an issue that affected my life in a negative way, aside from the occasional lethargy. I have toned down my pot smoking because it's started to make me anxious.

I drink a lot, too. I'm not sure why. I like drinking beer - the taste, trying out new breweries, etc. I can enjoy a couple of beers some times. Other times I slam beers just for the sake of getting drunk. This is only becoming a problem because when I'm hung over the next day, I feel very depressed and lazy. It makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life. I very very rarely drink during the day time, but when I drink, 60-70% of the time it is in excess.

Drinking has definitely led to some bad decisions. Cocaine is also something that started as just a fun thing to do from time to time, but now there are times when I feel so drunk that I need to go buy a gram so I can stay up and keep drinking with my friends. For me, it's all about being social. I love being happy, being in a good mood, and being social, but it's a state of mind that I feel like I can't really obtain anymore without substances.

I don't necessarily want to get completely 100% sober, because I truly don't think that's what I need. My life is NOT out of control. My relationships with my friends/family/girlfriend are great. I never get belligerent or fight. I never drive drunk.

I just want to be happy without relying on vices. I'm sure you guys can relate.

Other substances that I have taken have proved to be HUGELY positive with profound effects on my life. LSD and Mushrooms, to be specific. These are things that I truly believe in. They are therapeutic to me. I'm certainly not advocating them to anyone else, as this is obviously not what this forum is for. I'm just saying that they have worked for me and helped me face and fix a lot of problem in my life.

Anyway, that was a bit lengthy. As I said, I just want to be happy and healthy. I seem to love drugs, and I'm not really sure why. I've had some great times on drugs and I don't regret those times at all.

Is it possible to just "tone down" my usage without becoming 100% sober? That may seem like a weird question, and for some reason I'm anticipating that the answer may be "no". But, ideally, I feel like I can get to the point where I can control these urges, and enjoy substances in moderation. I'm sure it's different for everyone. I just need some help and support.

Thanks for existing!

McGrupp

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

When I was in my 20s I didn't think I had a problem with drugs or drink. Thirty years later I'm a member of this forum, going on two years sober. I hope it doesn't take you 30 years to come to the realization that you might have a problem.

I also know that when I was 23, no one was going to convince me that I couldn't control my intake. And no one will be able to convince you.

But one of the first replies to strike a cord with me, in regards to alcohol moderation, was:

"If you have to control it, it's already out of control."

Why don't you try to go 90 days substance free. Your struggles doing so, if you have any, will tell you more about your problems than we can.

justhadenough

Hello, welcome to SR

I think only you can answer your question. have you tried moderation before? I've tried it 100s of times and succeeded in the short term but eventually my old habits creep back

Many say, quit for 90 days and see how it goes. If you can do it then fine if not then you have a problem. Although the only person who can tell you if you hve a problem is yourself

Maybe hang round here, read the threads, see if SR helps. good luck

turnasquare1

Thanks for the quick response. As I said in my first post, I don't believe that my substance use is a "problem" in my life. I don't drink alone; I like to have fun with friends. Not EVERYONE who drinks alcohol is addicted to it.

I have taken breaks from all drugs before with no withdrawals. I'm not addicted. Mentally dependent? Probably. But addiction is not what I'm trying to fight. I just think I need some support in figuring out how I can get out of the mindset of "We're going to a concert tonight? Let's start drinking!" in order to "have fun". I know, of course, it's possible to have fun sober. I just don't know how to get there yet.

I guess maybe I'm just scared? Is the answer (like you suggested), just do it! For some reason this is a struggle for me. Perhaps it's the fact that many of my friends drink and party regularly and I don't want them to feel like they can't invite me out if I'm not drinking.

Thanks again and all the best,

McGrupp

Itchy

Sounds to me like you are trying to figure out some things in your life. For alcohol abuse and other substances you came to the right place to gain some perspective. Read a lot here and see if any of the tools and ideas, camaraderie and friendships have any value in what you are trying to get to in your life. I wish there was a website like this when I was your age for me to read in without any pressure.
Heck, I wish there was an Internet when I was your age!:rotfxko

icanwin

I could not give better advice :-)

turnasquare1

90 days is a great idea, and that's what I'll do.

Thanks, all.

hypochondriac

Sure can. Alcohol made me very depressed and anxious in the short and long term but I couldn't seem to figure out how to have fun without it. I never did drugs though because I knew I had enough problems with alcohol though it was just something I did and I was only really physically dependent on it for the last year or so of my drinking (I'm 30). I tried every way I could think of to be happy except quitting drinking itself! Once I finally did it, I wished I had done it years ago. Really has been the best decision I ever made.

Welcome to SR x

Hevyn

Welcome turna - very glad you came here to talk about this. I wish I had in my 20's. Moderating wasn't possible for me, because I drank all my life until I was completely dependent on it. I had no control once the first drink hit my system, so my only choice was to not touch it.

Let us know how it goes for you. We care.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Just curious, if you were able to just moderate your intake, why ask? Wouldn't it just be something you did? I know of many people who can do that and not suffer the consequences that I have. I can't drink or use, it's not for me. I tried to moderate and failed time and time again. Abstinence is so much better for me.

Glad you are here!

Grandmaster66

Welcome guy, I just joined the boards myself. I am 22 and recovering from heroin and crack, 18 mo clean. Engineering student going into senior year. In my experience we do what we want. I used all drugs for a long time socially too, and loved them, until I was 130lbs and every day was a struggle to find any happiness without them. Took me a while to get clean because although I was dying and needed to quit, I didnt want to. Finally with enough pain, I decided I was ready to do whatever it took. It really takes a lot of changes. Sobriety is peaceful, not gettin ******** drugs, dealing with the ****** people, and not giving a **** abt what ppl think of u for not partying. It doesn't sound like u plan on doing much about it, which is ok. Most people grow out of it down the road, but the problem is crossing the line into addiction, and doing the same **** at 30 years old. If you dont feel good abt urself now, u def wont feel good abt urself then.

Best of luck brother.

Grandmaster66

I stand corrected! missed the post abt the 90 days! Way to take some action. GL!!