DefofLov

Done. I have definitely made my decision to turn my will and life over to the *care* of God as I understand him. I have let go of so many of my old ways of thinking. I know my way doesn't work. (Step 1-We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.) I know that there is something bigger than me out there as evidenced by what I have survived and what I have been blessed with. (Step 2-Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.)

And in working step 1 and step 2, I am fortunate that step 3 has come easy to me. I also recognize that is a decision I have struggled with for a long time. It is a relief now to turn my life and my will over to the *care* of God. I am in God's hands now. What a huge relief.

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How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?

It is an amazing, peaceful, and intuitive feeling at this point in my life. Before coming to this point in my life I was doing too much. With friends, family, boyfriends, school, work, gym, etc, I was doing way more than I needed to be doing to be okay. All I have to do now is trust in a higher power and feel the presence of a power greater than myself and the rest falls into place.

How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?

I can start with what I know my HP is not. It is not me, it is not my friends, it is not my family, it is not the accomplishments I make, it is not the tasks I do to be worthy of love and recognition, it is not my sheer will and "best thinking," and it is certainly not alcohol or drugs.

It is an ever present, calm benevolence. I can turn to it anytime. I can let go of my fears, anxiety, sadness, and anger. I can just know that everything is going to work out for the best. Every thing is fine because I am on the right path and I no longer have to do so much to feel loved.


Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?

Absolutely. I already have. What's more is I have faith in this HP that everything is going to be just fine. I am on the right path and all I have to do is walk it and trust in a power greater than me.

How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?

By acknowledging the miracles that have already taken place in my life. Given where I come from, I can only conclude that a HP has always been by my side to get me to where I am now. Single, childfree, educated, loved, intelligent, beautiful, witty, spiritual, and at peace. Surrounded by loving friends, Al-Anon, SR, and co-workers. I am totally cool with making the choice to turn my will and life over because...if I was already to blessed before even acknowledging the HP in my life...then imagine the miracles that will unfold *after* turning my will and life over to a HP??

Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.

Absolutely. One decision that comes to mind is my choice to go into Nursing School. I was discouraged by a lot of people even though I knew in my heart I really wanted to take care of people and be a nurse. I was told to go into hospital administration, to be a physician assistant. I listened to everyone but my HP. I wanted to be a prize child and to make everyone happy so it took me a long time to begin the process. And I also felt like I had to justify my decision and fight for my choice.

More to come.

Love and Light,

Lily

Chrisy

Thank you for sharing. you inspire others.

DefofLov

Thank you for your encouragement and support Chrisy. I will continue to share. It has been extremely helpful writing and reading about the steps here. This is a wonderful site.

DefofLov

Today, I was reminded that turning my will and life over into the care of a HP does not mean that all I have to do is pray and reach out to my HP. I also have to use the tools that my HP has given me to cope with life. This includes F2F meetings, reading daily books, the Forum, using my Al-Anon phone list, working the steps, seeing my counselor, and various other healthy and spiritual tools that I used to take care of myself.

Turning my will and life over into the *care* of a HP involves learning and using tools that will bring me greater clarity and peace than my "old bag of tricks," or "my best thinking."

As I transition into step 4, which will be very difficult for me and I will address that when I start working that step, I need to keep in mind that I have a lot of support and having a HP is all about using the tools that bring me closer to understanding and feeling the presence of this HP.

Love and Light,

Lily

mefirst

Thank you for sharing your journey. I am working this step and struggling with it. great to see how others have worked through it.

Freedom1990

This is beautiful. I know I struggled with the concept of having my own personal higher power. I grew up Catholic, and so I was exposed to the God of the Catholic church's understanding, and my parents' understanding. I was afraid of that God.

My dad still doesn't understand how someone who no longer is a practicing Catholic can have God in her life, but I make no apologies. The God of my understanding has given me over two beautiful decades in recovery.