I bought a house and I'm scared s**tless
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I bought a house and I'm scared s**tless
Just after my husband left I inherited a bit of money. I knew that I wanted to put a down payment on a house and that's what I've done. Everything is arranged and it closes in the fall.
I'm scared of a few things. Is it logical or impulsive? I mean, I've only been separated for two months. He was definitely surprised when I told him, and even more surprised that I didn't tell him for a week.
He's not giving me any child support and I'm worried how much I'll have to give up to afford this house.
I've never spent this amount of money before... I've never OWED this amount of money before. It's scary and exciting and... tremendously frightening.
I worry that I'm closing a door. I'm moving out of OUR house and moving into MY house. Will that make it harder for him to come home? Do I care? I wonder if I'm just doing something so I have something to focus on besides him.
I'm scared of a few things. Is it logical or impulsive? I mean, I've only been separated for two months. He was definitely surprised when I told him, and even more surprised that I didn't tell him for a week.
He's not giving me any child support and I'm worried how much I'll have to give up to afford this house.
I've never spent this amount of money before... I've never OWED this amount of money before. It's scary and exciting and... tremendously frightening.
I worry that I'm closing a door. I'm moving out of OUR house and moving into MY house. Will that make it harder for him to come home? Do I care? I wonder if I'm just doing something so I have something to focus on besides him.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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You may be doing something that makes it easier for you to get some peace. 
Apart from that, I don't know -- I'm assuming you did the math on the budget before buying the house? (I'm a control freak codie; I live and die by my budget... )
Apart from that, I don't know -- I'm assuming you did the math on the budget before buying the house? (I'm a control freak codie; I live and die by my budget... )
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Just a heads up, and if you are in the USA, there are dower and homestead rights in many states.
If you are still legally married I would contact an attorney before closing on any real estate transaction. If you are still married, you just may be buying him half a house. Good luck.
If you are still legally married I would contact an attorney before closing on any real estate transaction. If you are still married, you just may be buying him half a house. Good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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I echo what Marie said. Talk to a lawyer, if you are in the US, most states are equitable distribution. Inheritance money is yours, unless you put it into a joint savings. Buying a house when not divorced, is the same as a joint savings.
Once you get all the bugs worked out, then yes, I would say that it is well worth it. I bought a house on my own, after my divorce. Was a fixer upper, but I always had the fear of the unknown. Well my house needed a lot of fixing, and so did I. We are healing together.
Once you get all the bugs worked out, then yes, I would say that it is well worth it. I bought a house on my own, after my divorce. Was a fixer upper, but I always had the fear of the unknown. Well my house needed a lot of fixing, and so did I. We are healing together.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Agreeing with everyone about acting on good legal advice before closing on the property, even if that means losing a deposit. It can save a lot of money and long drawn out hassle later.
I have purchased properties while in the midst of divorce proceedings and also while heading in that direction. Either way, every new property purchase was signed off on to protect my assets and keep an x or possibly soon to be x from laying any claim to them. With properties I purchased, when in the midst of divorcing, it wasn't usually necessary (in my cases/state) to do so because of how things were drawn up, but we did it anyway as a cya to eliminate any possible loophole that could come back later to bite me.
I discovered that no matter how agreeable they appear to it beforehand, to be prepared for a little fuss on their part when it comes down to actually getting their signature on that dotted line on the sign off paperwork. It becomes a reality when they have to start signing papers. LOL They can also view it as a powershift and not like what that means for them.
In a lot of situations, renting a place until the smoke clears is a good way to go. It allows time to make wise investment decisions after getting professional counsel from a few sources.
All that said, having one's own place is great and I hope everything works out to your advantage.
I have purchased properties while in the midst of divorce proceedings and also while heading in that direction. Either way, every new property purchase was signed off on to protect my assets and keep an x or possibly soon to be x from laying any claim to them. With properties I purchased, when in the midst of divorcing, it wasn't usually necessary (in my cases/state) to do so because of how things were drawn up, but we did it anyway as a cya to eliminate any possible loophole that could come back later to bite me.
I discovered that no matter how agreeable they appear to it beforehand, to be prepared for a little fuss on their part when it comes down to actually getting their signature on that dotted line on the sign off paperwork. It becomes a reality when they have to start signing papers. LOL They can also view it as a powershift and not like what that means for them.
In a lot of situations, renting a place until the smoke clears is a good way to go. It allows time to make wise investment decisions after getting professional counsel from a few sources.
All that said, having one's own place is great and I hope everything works out to your advantage.
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I discovered that no matter how agreeable they appear to it beforehand, to be prepared for a little fuss on their part when it comes down to actually getting their signature on that dotted line on the sign off paperwork. It becomes a reality when they have to start signing papers.
When it came time to actually put pen to paper... my XAH went bat-$hit crazy!!!
In a lot of situations, renting a place until the smoke clears is a good way to go. It allows time to make wise investment decisions after getting professional counsel from a few sources.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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I agree with getting legal advice. Anything I bought before the divorce was final was half his. If that is all in order - embrace this!
I bought a house as soon as 'our' house sold. That was one month after the divorce was final. I don't regret it for one second. It was stable, and secure, and comforting, and I wanted and needed all that. I didn't know if it was logical or impulsive but reminded myself that it was just a house. I could always sell it if it turned out to be a mistake.
I bought a house as soon as 'our' house sold. That was one month after the divorce was final. I don't regret it for one second. It was stable, and secure, and comforting, and I wanted and needed all that. I didn't know if it was logical or impulsive but reminded myself that it was just a house. I could always sell it if it turned out to be a mistake.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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>>>I discovered that no matter how agreeable they appear to it beforehand, to be prepared for a little fuss on their part when it comes down to actually getting their signature on that dotted line on the sign off paperwork. It becomes a reality when they have to start signing papers.
Good god that is the most truthful statement I've read in days!!!!!!
When it came time to actually put pen to paper... my XAH went bat-$hit crazy!!!
Quote:
In a lot of situations, renting a place until the smoke clears is a good way to go. It allows time to make wise investment decisions after getting professional counsel from a few sources.
Also very true in my case. I have chosen to rent for a year or more based on information my attorney and my banker all gave me. Too much unpredictable "stuff" can come up in the divorce process... too many unknowns that left me VERY uncomfortable committing to something for 20-30 years!<<<
GettingBy, lol even though it's not a funny thing to deal with, but so true...and sorry you had to deal with BSC...some do get a little crazier than others when faced with that dotted line.
Of course it needs to be all sealed up and on file before any escrow closes.
After getting over the initial shock some others A's might view signing it to be to their advantage, like it's one last big bargaining chip to once again "prove" their serious about getting healthy, figuring it can always be reversed in the future when their spouse is predictably (in their mind) once again under the influence of magical thinking.
Good god that is the most truthful statement I've read in days!!!!!!
When it came time to actually put pen to paper... my XAH went bat-$hit crazy!!!
Quote:
In a lot of situations, renting a place until the smoke clears is a good way to go. It allows time to make wise investment decisions after getting professional counsel from a few sources.
Also very true in my case. I have chosen to rent for a year or more based on information my attorney and my banker all gave me. Too much unpredictable "stuff" can come up in the divorce process... too many unknowns that left me VERY uncomfortable committing to something for 20-30 years!<<<
GettingBy, lol even though it's not a funny thing to deal with, but so true...and sorry you had to deal with BSC...some do get a little crazier than others when faced with that dotted line.
Of course it needs to be all sealed up and on file before any escrow closes.
After getting over the initial shock some others A's might view signing it to be to their advantage, like it's one last big bargaining chip to once again "prove" their serious about getting healthy, figuring it can always be reversed in the future when their spouse is predictably (in their mind) once again under the influence of magical thinking.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I agree with others that you check with a lawyer because any property purchased while still married he owns 50%.
That said, maybe you have already planned on that, and know what negotiations will be necessary.
Otherwise, buying your own house is like acknowledging your own existance outside of him. Wonderful and scary, yes?
I did the same thing. Bought a house. Wow, scary.
It was a statement that I exist too.
That said, maybe you have already planned on that, and know what negotiations will be necessary.
Otherwise, buying your own house is like acknowledging your own existance outside of him. Wonderful and scary, yes?
I did the same thing. Bought a house. Wow, scary.
It was a statement that I exist too.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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You can do this! You really can. It's not like you are trying to perform brain surgery, right? Nobody is going to die if you don't take care of things exactly "right."
The thing about doors is, when you close them, you can open them back up. Doesn't matter why you are doing it; you are DOING IT!!! YAY you! I think just keep doing what you're doing and working on you, and soon you will look back and wonder, "Why in the hell did I waste so much time with him??"
I worry that I'm closing a door. I'm moving out of OUR house and moving into MY house. Will that make it harder for him to come home? Do I care? I wonder if I'm just doing something so I have something to focus on besides him
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
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This is silly, but like Flyer Fan, I kept reading the title as "I bought a HORSE and I'm scared s**tless" and I was totally flummoxed as to why you'd buy a HORSE. So I'm totally pleased to find out that you bought a house.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Lol at all the people who read "horse." Why would someone buy a horse if they're afraid of horses? Lulz. "He's out the in the paddock and HE'S LOOKING IN THE WINDOW AT ME!"
Okay but seriously, about the house. There's not really enough info here to see whether there is really something to be afraid of. If you bought a house that's more than you can afford (like you'll be paying mortgage until you're 98 or something), or if you didn't get an inspection, or if you didn't get legal advice about the pending divorce, then yeah, maybe worth getting some professional advice before you go further. But if you did all that homework stuff and it all added up, then it's a great idea!
And once you've moved in, please do buy a really scary horse and put it in your yard so you can come back and actually post what Florence and FlyerFan read. But of course then they'll probably respond like, "Huh? House? I thought you already bought one?"
Okay but seriously, about the house. There's not really enough info here to see whether there is really something to be afraid of. If you bought a house that's more than you can afford (like you'll be paying mortgage until you're 98 or something), or if you didn't get an inspection, or if you didn't get legal advice about the pending divorce, then yeah, maybe worth getting some professional advice before you go further. But if you did all that homework stuff and it all added up, then it's a great idea!
And once you've moved in, please do buy a really scary horse and put it in your yard so you can come back and actually post what Florence and FlyerFan read. But of course then they'll probably respond like, "Huh? House? I thought you already bought one?"
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Lmao at the two posts before this one. I totally thought she bought a horse and was afraid of it. I kept picturing mister Ed sticking his head out. haha
Congrats on your house however! Do not be afraid!
Congrats on your house however! Do not be afraid!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
This was the best laugh I've had in a really long time. I WISH I was buying a horse, but alas no, just a house with no room for a horse. If I was to buy a horse I'd try to make sure he wouldn't be a scary one.
Thank you all for the good wishes
My lender has said that they won't close on the mortgage unless he signs an affidavit that says he has no financial obligation toward the house and no legal entitlement to it. At first I thought, isn't that nice that they are looking out for me, but then realized they just don't want him having any claim to a house that they're holding a mortgage on.
Thank you all for the good wishes
My lender has said that they won't close on the mortgage unless he signs an affidavit that says he has no financial obligation toward the house and no legal entitlement to it. At first I thought, isn't that nice that they are looking out for me, but then realized they just don't want him having any claim to a house that they're holding a mortgage on.
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Oh, and I can afford it. I did get an inspection. I have a very good friend who is a home inspector and he was tickled and said it's a great house.
I'm more afraid of the commitment I think than worrying about whether or not I can afford it. It will definitely be tight, but less per month than what I'm renting.
I'm a budget freak. I pay my bills when I get them and always know what is in my bank account to the penny. I take out cash on payday and that's all I can spend.
I'm more afraid of the commitment I think than worrying about whether or not I can afford it. It will definitely be tight, but less per month than what I'm renting.
I'm a budget freak. I pay my bills when I get them and always know what is in my bank account to the penny. I take out cash on payday and that's all I can spend.
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