eandr

My partner and i are living over 4000 miles apart. she is in america and i am in the UK. We have some Immigration problems because when she was actively drinking she got into trouble with the law but i think we are close to getting them resolved as we have our hearing on Monday. For most of the relationship we haven't had any problems. There was one time when she told me she wanted to have sex with someone else but we got though it and got back on track. Our friends always say we make an awesome couple and it's so unfair that we are apart but it just seems to be one thing after another. she's now telling me she is scared to leave her friends (that she has met in recovery) and isn't given me the support i need. After all i am representing her in the court as she isn't allowed to come to the UK whilst we get this sorted. i didn't know her when she was drinking. we became friends online when she had only a few weeks of recovery. she says that i helped her to stay sober etc but now she's treating me like i don't exist.

I tried to break up with her recently. not because i wanted to but because i couldn't handle how cold she has become. i've also suggested that she stays in the US and we go our separate ways but she insists she loves me. she says her fears are acting up but to me she just seems very selfish. ideally we would both live in the US but our civil partnership isnt recognised there. i don't know how much sense i am making. i am just sad and hurt and perhaps a little angry. I have tried al anon but don't feel particularly comfortable there. i think it's because i have no direct experience of her drinking but her behavior isn't really acceptable.

Thanks for reading.

DefofLov

You may not have direct experience with her drinking but it has *clearly* affected you. That is what Al-Anon is all about. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I wish to offer support and encouragement that it will get better. As you express your feelings and explore them, as you learn more about alcoholism and recovery, you will find clarity.

Love and Light,

Lily

Learn2Live

Boundaries. Please look into Boundaries. You are doing all the work to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. Why do you need to IMPORT an alcoholic? Are there not enough of them in the UK? Why are you jumping through hoops to have a destructive person in your daily life? It is not your responsibility to take care of this immigration thing for another person, it is HER responsibility and of course she is not going to assist you in getting herself over there, she doesn't want to come there as she has already indicated to you. Folks who are addicted and/or alcoholic have this awful habit of living their lives motivated and controlled by their drug of choice, whilst you struggle to have a normal relationship motivated by healthy thoughts and healthy values such as honesty, personal accountability, and integrity.

Please stop wasting your time, energy and money trying to have a relationship with this woman and invest it in you instead.