DisplacedGRITS

i'm going on a job interview and i'm struggling with my self esteem and confidence. it's nothing major. just a deli job at a co-op grocery store but it's only the second job interview i've gone on stone cold sober in a very long time. i blew the last job interview because i was a nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. i used to always go interview with a little alcohol in me to chill myself out. i'm an over achievier. when i get nervous, i get jittery, fidgety and i talk to darn much. i know i probably talked my way out of my last job and it really dealt a blow to my self esteem as i really wanted the job. i've been beating myself up today and whipping myself up into a frenzy. i've been in a kind of foul mood, antsy and not at all myself. deep breaths work for a few but i can't help but fret. i don't want to blow it but i have about zero confidence in my ability to get even a simple job like this. i know i'm a fairly smart person but i feel like such a loser being that i'm 31 and applying for what amounts to a high schooler job. no career, no college education, not a stay at home mom. it's like my life as amounted to a big fat zero because i'm a lazy, stupid alcoholic who squandered all her good years on drinking. now i'm nervous that i'm not competent enough to sling potato salad next to a nineteen year old. sheesh. all i can do is go in with my dress pants on, my nice shirt and my heels, humble myself to what i am and hope they hire this thirtysomething sack without asking why i was unemployeed for 2 years. my response is always that i took a year off to enjoy moving to Wisconsin and then medical leave. it sounds so hollow when i say it but it's a lot better than "i was drunk on a couch and a bed and only left the house to buy alcohol so how could i hold down a job, lol?"

i'm not going to drink but i'm not going to deny that i really want to right now. if it wasn't for the fact that i like me better sober, my only source of pride is my sobriety and a hangover tomorrow would kill any chance i have at getting a job i'd be in the bottle.

also, i know that at that first sip i'd be right back down the rabbit hole. that's a truth that will be with me forever.

Hollyanne

Hi Displaced,
One thing jumped out at me about your reason for being off work.
I wouldn't refer to medical problems as a reason.
They may not hire you if they think you will be sick!
Just say you had some money saved and were chilling out or minding a relative or something.
Oh and knock it off with the "old" business! You are only a pup!:ghug3

NewBeginning010

You have a long time to live & build the life that you want DG. You are not drinking & for an alcoholic that is a huge win (not many make it to sobriety ;-).

If you carry yourself anywhere near as well as you just described your situation I have a feeling you will be employed soon enough, if not this position then another one.

I used to think that alcohol helped me to do many things, I now know it was the cage I could not see out of.

Keep us posted & keep sharing ;-)

Good luck on the interview.

Cheers ~ NB

Anna

Be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and looking for a job. Good luck with the interview.

I might tend to be more vague and say that I took some personal time, trying to say it with an attitude that said 'Don't ask me for anymore details'.

NewBeginning010

Regarding time off... you were busy taking care of a loved one who was sick. This is what you did for yourself in the end so its true ;-) If asked for details well... Im sorry but its very personal, should do.

changer

you got this, grits
you'll be in my thoughts and i wish you the best tomorrow.

DisplacedGRITS

thanks for the advice. i've struggled trying to explain the off time. this are all excellent suggestions. personal time sounds great especially since i worked my butt off when i lived in Alabama. even if i hadn't been drinking i would have taken time off.

maybe not 2 years....^_^

Jitterbugg

I know what you are going through Grits. I have been in recovery for a year after drinking away my career. I have a bankruptcy and a DUI that show up on background checks, so I am in a job that is far below my abilities. I have been on over 10 interviews in the last year. I lied through my teeth during every interview and my resume doesn't indicate any gaps in employment (I spent 4 years drinking at home doing nothing) hoping they wouldn't so background checks. Some did and busted me...but I just kept applying.

My job sucks, but I have never been so happy at work before. I think I have been seriously humbled by alcoholism and I have no more expectations. Just happy Im not sitting at home alone and drinking.

bloss

Yes, be calm. You are not old, 31, in my opinion is young. Also, try not to devalue yourself, you are a good person, as good as anyone else. Think about it, you are staying sober, looking for employment. This is about bravely facing life (sober), you can do it!

sugarbear1

31 is very young. You're going to do well.

Not sure if you're in a program of recovery, but you know your skills and determination. Act confident and you'll be confident!

Hugs,

soberbrooke

Heck, I am 42, and I have to go out soon and look for a job! I have been taking care of my kids, but I am scared to death!! I sure wish I would have been sober at 31!

I am sure you will be fine, just keep working the program and going to meetings, that is what I am doing.

CraigA

First and foremost say a prayer to god and give him your nervousness and if it keeps coming back, keep giving it back! Being sober is real yeah today we can be real through all the beatiful emotions, happy, sad, fearfulness, anxiety, before we could not let ourselves off the hook, we had to hide ourselves in alcohol, or some other form of distruction. Today we are alive and sober, without this nothing matters, look in the mirror and hug yourself and tell yorself you will love you no matter what happens, you came a long way!

I was 32 years old and had a job interview for a car wash, i remember telling my sponsor that "Whoa boy a job at a car wash for minumun wage, way to go". He laughed at first and reminded me where I was emotionally, I was so distraught that I had to stay high all the time and didn't even work. He also reminded me two things this doesn't have to be forever and jobs don't make us who we are! That helped, of course with all lot of prayer, alot. After getting the job I started to like it and just did the next right thing and guess what things fell into place. Being 31 is not old unless you want it to be, you have the energy to change your perspective if you want, today you are sober and have the willingness to stay sober and work through your feelings of fear and anxiety/nervousness, keep saying your prayers and put the outcome in Gods Hand. He loves you just the way you are!!!! God Bless and good luck (Just imagine everybody walking in their underwear except you(hahahaha))!!!! Oh by the way I don't have any college degrees either but God will provide the way all we have to do is walk!

Eddiebuckle

Woa, nelly... DG, hang on. If you were my sponsee, I would ask if you minded if I reiterated the facts you stated. I would then rephrase what you said as: "I am going on an interview for a deli job at a co-op grocery store, I know I can do the job, but I am nervous." Those are the facts.

The rest of your post are your feelings about the facts. Your feelings are real, but they do not reflect reality. If you want the job, go to the job interview as well prepared as you are able. Be yourself, and trust that if you/they/the job are a good fit, you will get the job. If you/they/it are not a good fit, be thankful you didn't end up in a job that wasn't a good fit. Continue until you find the job for you.

I was MIA for two years between my last job and my current one. I was certain that "they" would somehow know that I went to rehab, I was damaged goods, would never get another job anywhere near the position I previously held, etc. etc. The job I ended up getting was good, but not great. It works for now, and I know that re-building my work history, my financial situation, and my confidence will take time.

Be good to yourself DG. You can do this....

ReadyAndAble

Congrats on landing the interview—that alone is a huge accomplishment.

I wouldn't want to be your competition. I've read enough of your posts this past year to safely say that all you need to do is be yourself, DG. And whatever happens, you can be look back and be proud that you overcame your fear. One more milestone on the journey, one more source of self-respect moving forward.

PS: I love NewBeginning's phrasing—taking care of a loved one—brilliant!

DisplacedGRITS

you guys really are the best. i'm feeling a lot better now. the nerves are starting to settle now. i've got a lot of lines in the water and i picked up another application today for another grocery store, locally owned, that i like a lot. also applying for a tea store (Teavana if anyone's familiar with it) in a near by mall. i'm willing to work any hours to get my foot in the door. i've been thinking it over today and reminding myself that there's a reason these are called "entry level positions." this is just a stepping stone. if i work hard, my age and experience in the work place can work for me and i know i can advance quickly. i can't expect to walk in the door and get the choicest hours and job just because of my age and that i'm competent. i don't have the experience in their workplace or the education. i'm going to go in there and sell myself calmly. i think if i don't go in like a drowning woman grasping for a rope i'll be ok. probably make myself some tea and have a little ritual before i leave for the interview. if it's meant to be it's meant to be. thanks again, everyone. i feel a lot better about this. my sobriety's been smooth sailing for so long, this little rogue wave just tumbled me around a bit.

nonblondechef

Good luck today. I often hire people with zero to little experience. During the interview, a desire to learn, dependability, and sincerity are what really hit home with me. Red flags - lamenting over medical issues, excessive negative comments/remarks about past positions or how "abused" they were. Those things indicate that I'm just going to be digging deeper into an already open can of worms. My business comes first. I want employees that respect that goal and want to be rewarded by being part of a winning team. Wishing you a positive outcome - congrats on your tenacity, DG - you are doing this and that is awesome!!

DisplacedGRITS

Wow. I had a rough night last night. For the first time in several nights i had a drinking dream. It was very intense. I remember at one point inwas on a front porch and some people were parked in my drive way. They got out to ask for directions but i was so drunk i could barely stand. They looked at me with disdain and i knew it was because i was a worthless drunk who could barely make it to my front door. When i got into the house i tried to lay on my couch but all i could do was roll all through the living room. I remember crying wondering what had happened to me. Then wondering wait! What the hell happened? Why would i drink? When did i buy it? What did i drink? This is a dream. And thank goodness that woke me up. I wonder if i was having vertigo while i was sleeping or what. Either way, i know it's no coincidence i had a drinking dream the night before my interview. Damn my subconsciousness. I'm not listening to you. All i know is i'm wearing my favorite my heels, my cutest shirt, flat ironing my adorable hair and walking in there with my chin up, my **** up (that's the female equivilant as chest up) a winning smile and a firm handshake. I am sober, i am smart, i am capable and i'm here darn it!

Friggin dreams.

DisplacedGRITS

I made it through the interview. I think i did well. I'm waiting on the call now. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, perhaps next week. All my self doubts are screaming at me now. I could have done better. Could i have done better? I don't know. I hope i got it. I just want to get that call so bad. It's that damn instant gratification. Desiring the instant gratification makes me crave. I'm going to clean the kitchen, get dinner prep going and busy myself for now. I'm just a ball of nervous energy. Probably walk later. GAAAAHHHHH! I wish they could just let me know on the spot! Why this waiting game??? Why?!?

Sorry. Venting. Going slightly out of my mind but not drinking so that's an improvement than four and a half months ago.

sugarbear1

Take care of you and relax! The answer will come in time.

Yes, that dimension of time.

Glad you made it through the interview!!!! Big hugs!

Dee74

I'm glad the interview went well DG - I'm guessing they need to see all the applicants and then have a bit of a confab before offering the job to someone

I'm hoping you get it

D