I did it, had "the" conversation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
I did it, had "the" conversation
After an awful weekend of my AH leaving Friday night (after him being drunk and us arguing) he didnt come home until Sunday. I've had enough!! Dont get me wrong I am still very much confused, ANGRY, sad and dont understand why he willing to loose everything to his best friend I call alcohol.
When he finally got home Sunday, me and our 3 yr old was gone. I packed our clothes and am now staying at my parents (UGH)
I did go to the house last night to get my little girls bed, there was no confrintation, no anger. I could tell his binge was over and hes sad, but thats the normal cycle. I told him that I was done trying to FIX everything, he knows what he needs to do to fix it this time. I will no longer try to fix out marriage, all I can do is fix me and I was starting last night. I went to an Alanon meeting and on Wednesday I have an appt with a LCSW.
I felt empowered to leave the house knowing that it's his choice to either get better or continue in his path of destruction and I dont have to have my hand in the middle of all the chaos!!!
We had a family trip that weve done the past 10 years with another family... he asked me if I was still going with my kids, he was quite suprised when I said YES, why wouldnt I. Granted I will staying in a tent and not having the luxuries of my trailer, but that's ok!!!
Baby steps today and 1 hour at a time!!!
When he finally got home Sunday, me and our 3 yr old was gone. I packed our clothes and am now staying at my parents (UGH)
I did go to the house last night to get my little girls bed, there was no confrintation, no anger. I could tell his binge was over and hes sad, but thats the normal cycle. I told him that I was done trying to FIX everything, he knows what he needs to do to fix it this time. I will no longer try to fix out marriage, all I can do is fix me and I was starting last night. I went to an Alanon meeting and on Wednesday I have an appt with a LCSW.
I felt empowered to leave the house knowing that it's his choice to either get better or continue in his path of destruction and I dont have to have my hand in the middle of all the chaos!!!
We had a family trip that weve done the past 10 years with another family... he asked me if I was still going with my kids, he was quite suprised when I said YES, why wouldnt I. Granted I will staying in a tent and not having the luxuries of my trailer, but that's ok!!!
Baby steps today and 1 hour at a time!!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Is there a reason why you and your little girl had to move out of your home and the alcoholic stays? You know you can file for divorce, ask for custody, and use and possession of the family home??
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
enodm,
I applaud your strength and focus. You are doing EXACTLY what's best for you and your daughter - and it's not easy. I walked out of my home 6 months ago for the very same reasons. Enough was enough - and I wanted peace and serenity for me and my children, no matter the cost.
For me, walking out was the only option. We had gone round and round - I wanted to stay in the house with the kids. He refused to move out and refused to respect my boundaries. I had to come up with a better long term solution - rather than packing up the kids and taking them to my folks every time he came home drunk and got beligerent. Under NYS law, I had no right to remove him from our house so my only other option was to pack me and the kids up and go.
Some things (ie. a house) are simply not worth fighting over.
Stay focused on healing yourself and being the best mom you can be for your daughter... that is what matters most.
Hugs to you... it's not an easy path you are on,
Shannon
I applaud your strength and focus. You are doing EXACTLY what's best for you and your daughter - and it's not easy. I walked out of my home 6 months ago for the very same reasons. Enough was enough - and I wanted peace and serenity for me and my children, no matter the cost.
For me, walking out was the only option. We had gone round and round - I wanted to stay in the house with the kids. He refused to move out and refused to respect my boundaries. I had to come up with a better long term solution - rather than packing up the kids and taking them to my folks every time he came home drunk and got beligerent. Under NYS law, I had no right to remove him from our house so my only other option was to pack me and the kids up and go.
Some things (ie. a house) are simply not worth fighting over.
Stay focused on healing yourself and being the best mom you can be for your daughter... that is what matters most.
Hugs to you... it's not an easy path you are on,
Shannon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Murray Utah
Posts: 153
Thanks for all your kind words!!
It's been 5 days, today since I left. I have no plan on going back, HOWEVER... why am I upset and dissapointed that he has not come running back saying.. i love you, i will change, i wont loose my family... I guess this is all part of my illness in this thing called co-dependency/enabling. In the past 5 days, I have gone to an alanon meeting and a counseling apt. Maybe he is so use to me leaving for a couple of days and going back, which has happened a few times. Nothing ever changed. So why would he put any effort forth, when I have given him every reason to think that his behavior is OK.
I know that I am doing the right thing!!! Tonight I am going our with my girlfirends, which I have not done in years! Im buying myself a new outfit to go out and I am super excited!!! My AH, has done nothing...... Very unforunate for him!!!
One hour at a time!!!!
It's been 5 days, today since I left. I have no plan on going back, HOWEVER... why am I upset and dissapointed that he has not come running back saying.. i love you, i will change, i wont loose my family... I guess this is all part of my illness in this thing called co-dependency/enabling. In the past 5 days, I have gone to an alanon meeting and a counseling apt. Maybe he is so use to me leaving for a couple of days and going back, which has happened a few times. Nothing ever changed. So why would he put any effort forth, when I have given him every reason to think that his behavior is OK.
I know that I am doing the right thing!!! Tonight I am going our with my girlfirends, which I have not done in years! Im buying myself a new outfit to go out and I am super excited!!! My AH, has done nothing...... Very unforunate for him!!!
One hour at a time!!!!
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