Needles
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Needles
Ive been having doubts about my boyfriend. Its really hard for me to admit this because I haven’t told anyone. A couple weeks ago, I went into his duffle bag just to pull his gym clothes out for the laundry. I wasn’t snooping, but when I reached in the inner pocket was unzipped, and there were a couple of needles inside. Nothing else just the needles.
The thing is that he used to shoot up. He stopped and its been over 6 months. He has been in regular treatment, and I haven’t noticed any changes in his behavior. Or at least I hadn’t until I found the needles, and now Im driving myself crazy looking for signs.
Part of me wants to ask him, but I don’t know if its right to ask. They were just needles. Maybe they have been there a long time?
Im sad that I am doubting him. Tonight he reached out to me for intimacy, and the whole time I wanted to hold him so tight because I don’t want him to slip away from me.
Im afraid that he is using again and hiding it.
I know there is nothing can be said. I just needed to tell someone.
The thing is that he used to shoot up. He stopped and its been over 6 months. He has been in regular treatment, and I haven’t noticed any changes in his behavior. Or at least I hadn’t until I found the needles, and now Im driving myself crazy looking for signs.
Part of me wants to ask him, but I don’t know if its right to ask. They were just needles. Maybe they have been there a long time?
Im sad that I am doubting him. Tonight he reached out to me for intimacy, and the whole time I wanted to hold him so tight because I don’t want him to slip away from me.
Im afraid that he is using again and hiding it.
I know there is nothing can be said. I just needed to tell someone.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Knowing this, please exercise caution reaching into anything of his...one day it could be a used needle and jab you, infecting you with whatever may be on that needle.
Needles are not good, I think I would trust my instinct on this one.
Hugs
Needles are not good, I think I would trust my instinct on this one.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by Ann 
Knowing this, please exercise caution reaching into anything of his...one day it could be a used needle and jab you, infecting you with whatever may be on that needle.
Needles are not good, I think I would trust my instinct on this one.
Hugs
Needles are not good, I think I would trust my instinct on this one.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
Hep C is a common casualty of IV drug use. Please be careful and consider being tested. Even if he stopped 6 months ago. Understanding that my ex could have given me any number of diseases - some fatal - really helped keep things in perspective for me. My health is not something I want to risk for love.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
You just don’t misplace or forget your needles. You really don’t.
If you haven’t seen the normal signs of using…
I wonder have you seen different signs?
Is this working out new? Does he have any body image issues, like fixated on how he looks, or any talk of being upset cause he isn’t bulking up as fast as he would like….
Needles, leave track marks, unless you are injecting steroids, then you inject into specific muscle regions not into veins…
You are going to have to ask what is up. And then understand he might lie, understand he might not be able to accept his own truth at this point.
But the problem will always remain, it isn’t the drugs, it isn’t the needles, it is what we allow to be acceptable and the amount of danger and insanity that brings into our lives. And why we would find it all to be so normal.
If you haven’t seen the normal signs of using…
I wonder have you seen different signs?
Is this working out new? Does he have any body image issues, like fixated on how he looks, or any talk of being upset cause he isn’t bulking up as fast as he would like….
Needles, leave track marks, unless you are injecting steroids, then you inject into specific muscle regions not into veins…
You are going to have to ask what is up. And then understand he might lie, understand he might not be able to accept his own truth at this point.
But the problem will always remain, it isn’t the drugs, it isn’t the needles, it is what we allow to be acceptable and the amount of danger and insanity that brings into our lives. And why we would find it all to be so normal.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
I haven’t asked him about the needles because in my heart I feel like if there is something going on, then he will tell me when he is ready. I know him and its either that he isn’t ready to admit it to me, or he is trying to get it under control before he tells me, or that there is a logical explanation to why the needles were there if only I would ask.
I don’t see how he could not have seen them there. I only reached in to get the clothes and the inner pocket was open wide enough for them to be visible to me. I really wasn’t snooping or anything like that. I have full trust in him and I know his heart on this matter. I looked again a few days later and they were gone. I don’t know what that means.
I had never considered steroids, but I don’t think that is very likely. He is in good physical shape, but Ive never seen him deeply interested in true bodybuilding activities.
He has been under a lot of stress lately. He told me it was affecting him, but he was managing it, and would add more therapy sessions if he felt the need.
I should have gathered my thoughts and asked him much earlier and not dwelled on it for so long. We have very good communication and it is unlike me to act this way.
I don’t see how he could not have seen them there. I only reached in to get the clothes and the inner pocket was open wide enough for them to be visible to me. I really wasn’t snooping or anything like that. I have full trust in him and I know his heart on this matter. I looked again a few days later and they were gone. I don’t know what that means.
I had never considered steroids, but I don’t think that is very likely. He is in good physical shape, but Ive never seen him deeply interested in true bodybuilding activities.
He has been under a lot of stress lately. He told me it was affecting him, but he was managing it, and would add more therapy sessions if he felt the need.
I should have gathered my thoughts and asked him much earlier and not dwelled on it for so long. We have very good communication and it is unlike me to act this way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
Do you regularly remove clothes from said gym bag? If so, I find it odd that he would choose such a place to put needles, knowing you'd be likely to go looking around in there.
At any rate, if he's using again and wants to continue, the last thing he'll do is 'fess up to it without being asked. You can ask him about the needles, but what will you do when he denies it? More important than asking about the needles in my opinion is plotting your next move.
You write that you have full trust in him. I'm sorry, but I don't think that's a good idea after only six months of non-use.
And on the subject of track marks: Know also that track marks from IV drugs don't always have to be on the arms. A person can inject anywhere they can hit a vein. Just because you don't see marks on the arms isn't a sure sign of non-use. Maybe this goes without saying, but just putting out there...
At any rate, if he's using again and wants to continue, the last thing he'll do is 'fess up to it without being asked. You can ask him about the needles, but what will you do when he denies it? More important than asking about the needles in my opinion is plotting your next move.
You write that you have full trust in him. I'm sorry, but I don't think that's a good idea after only six months of non-use.
And on the subject of track marks: Know also that track marks from IV drugs don't always have to be on the arms. A person can inject anywhere they can hit a vein. Just because you don't see marks on the arms isn't a sure sign of non-use. Maybe this goes without saying, but just putting out there...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
ask him. but do not be surprised if he denies, defends or deflects.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by BeingStill
Hep C is a common casualty of IV drug use. Please be careful and consider being tested. Even if he stopped 6 months ago. Understanding that my ex could have given me any number of diseases - some fatal - really helped keep things in perspective for me. My health is not something I want to risk for love.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Its difficult for me to express my feelings in writing, but what I truly feel is that I do have full trust in the totality of who he is as a person, and I do feel like I know his heart especially on the matter of using drugs.
But Ive also been left in awe of the power that drugs can have over him, so I know that I cannot overlook needles in his duffle, even if there were no drugs in there with them.
I guess the real question is why I didn’t just immediately ask him. I think it is because Ive never seen needles in his possession before. (6 months ago he used but it was brief, and it didn’t involve needles). I started thinking about the old scars that were on his arm, and all the things he told me, and I was in sort of a shock, and then starting seeking a simple explanation, and looking for signs. The good news is I don’t see any signs or changes in his behavior.
But your all right, I just need to ask him.
But Ive also been left in awe of the power that drugs can have over him, so I know that I cannot overlook needles in his duffle, even if there were no drugs in there with them.
I guess the real question is why I didn’t just immediately ask him. I think it is because Ive never seen needles in his possession before. (6 months ago he used but it was brief, and it didn’t involve needles). I started thinking about the old scars that were on his arm, and all the things he told me, and I was in sort of a shock, and then starting seeking a simple explanation, and looking for signs. The good news is I don’t see any signs or changes in his behavior.
But your all right, I just need to ask him.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by cynical one
And, he will say they are old, they are from before he stopped using. And, you will believe it because he looks and sounds so sincere. But, there will be this little nagging doubt. And, you will become super-sensitive to signs of drug use, thinking you see something, but then explaining or justifying it away. It's the dance.
I truly dont think he will lie to me. He has always been honest with me about the drug use, The only reason he would lie I think would be if he is just not to a place where he can accept it, and admit it is happening.
I dont want to fall into that dance. And the truth is, that if he does lie about it, then he isnt ready to face it. So my trying to watch him and prove it to myself is pointless. I think unless I see changes that negatively affect me, then i just need to leave him to handling it.
But, I think what is hurting me right now is me. Im not being honest and Im not living up to the promise I made to myself and him to be open in terms of our relationship and things tht affect it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
We understand your anxiety and your uncertainty about how to proceed.
As suggested from other posts, insist on protected sex (both birth control and condom).
If he is an active addiction, then he will lie to you, about many things. Addicts have secret lives. You are not well-prepared to be the partner of a recovering addict if you do not fully understand the disease of addiction. One unshakable fact: addicts in active addiction lie. He will lie to you if he is using. You cannot be the partner of a recovering addict and be naive or resistant to that fact.
If he is using again, it will come clear eventually. We are here to support you when and if that happens.
As suggested from other posts, insist on protected sex (both birth control and condom).
If he is an active addiction, then he will lie to you, about many things. Addicts have secret lives. You are not well-prepared to be the partner of a recovering addict if you do not fully understand the disease of addiction. One unshakable fact: addicts in active addiction lie. He will lie to you if he is using. You cannot be the partner of a recovering addict and be naive or resistant to that fact.
If he is using again, it will come clear eventually. We are here to support you when and if that happens.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 79
Frustrated with myself because I keep making excuses in talking to him about this. He is busy with some things from work this week, so Ive told myself I will wait until Saturday. This is so unlike me to hold back from him. I cant figure out why Im struggling with this. I feel guilty for my thoughts, and that Ive kept this to myself for so long. Im wondering if it isn’t better to try and let it go unless something else is brought to my attention?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Saturday will be here before you know it. I would not let it go, though. Needles are serious business. Don't leave anything in the darkness. Bring it into the light and deal with it. Let him know you know about them. See what he has to say about the needles. And as has been stated, if he was truly on the road to recovery he wouldn't have "forgotten" those needles. He knew they were there. He would have disposed of them ages ago, not just a few days ago after you saw them. It is a red flag.
Keep reading up on addiction. If you intend on staying with this person, you have to be well prepared to face what your future may hold. Living with a drug addict, even a recovering one, is not easy.
My son is a recovering drug addict and he pulled a couple "fast" ones on me and my husband the seven months he was living at home. As soon as I got wise to what was going on I confronted him. The second time he relapsed, I decided enough was enough and decided he needed to move out. He moved in with his girlfriend and right away he began to relapse with her, too. She told him she should insist he move out immediately, but she gave him another chance. Prior to his moving in with her I had stated to my son that should it not work out with him and his girlfriend, that our home was not his Plan B. Maybe he remembered my warning and also believed she was going to follow through next time should he relapse. So far he's towed the line (it's been five months). I told my son's girlfriend to be very careful and not enable my son in any way. She said other than the one incident, he has done well working and contributing. Time will tell.
Is your boyfriend attending any recovery groups? If your boyfriend is only a few months in recovery, then he has not had much time to relearn how to live without drugs. If he's not in any kind of recovery group then he's even more at risk of picking up drugs again. Both of you could attend group meetings to help you get on the right track. Don't fight this battle alone. There are group meetings of people just waiting to help both of you.
Keep reading up on addiction. If you intend on staying with this person, you have to be well prepared to face what your future may hold. Living with a drug addict, even a recovering one, is not easy.
My son is a recovering drug addict and he pulled a couple "fast" ones on me and my husband the seven months he was living at home. As soon as I got wise to what was going on I confronted him. The second time he relapsed, I decided enough was enough and decided he needed to move out. He moved in with his girlfriend and right away he began to relapse with her, too. She told him she should insist he move out immediately, but she gave him another chance. Prior to his moving in with her I had stated to my son that should it not work out with him and his girlfriend, that our home was not his Plan B. Maybe he remembered my warning and also believed she was going to follow through next time should he relapse. So far he's towed the line (it's been five months). I told my son's girlfriend to be very careful and not enable my son in any way. She said other than the one incident, he has done well working and contributing. Time will tell.
Is your boyfriend attending any recovery groups? If your boyfriend is only a few months in recovery, then he has not had much time to relearn how to live without drugs. If he's not in any kind of recovery group then he's even more at risk of picking up drugs again. Both of you could attend group meetings to help you get on the right track. Don't fight this battle alone. There are group meetings of people just waiting to help both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
If you contract a disease, how will you feel about letting this go? Condoms fail. Just because he got tested doesn't mean he didn't contract something the next day, month or even last week. Finding out you have a disease will be way more uncomfortable than whatever you're feeling now. I was terrified waiting on my own test results. I won't ever knowingly agree to risk my life again. Relationships take compromise. But my life is not on the table. I need to think about myself, not protecting some man's fragile ego.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Saturday is almost here only 2 more days ? Only you can decide to ask or not.
Your post make me wonder if your scared of what his answer will be?
Have you been to any meetings for yourself? Al-anon, Naranon or Families Anonymous ?
The level of guilt your feeling is pretty high it seems if you haven't tried any meetings now might be a good time ...
As far as any diseases take it from someone who has been there hearing a positive on those is heartbreaking and some such as one I have cannot be cured.
Your post make me wonder if your scared of what his answer will be?
Have you been to any meetings for yourself? Al-anon, Naranon or Families Anonymous ?
The level of guilt your feeling is pretty high it seems if you haven't tried any meetings now might be a good time ...
As far as any diseases take it from someone who has been there hearing a positive on those is heartbreaking and some such as one I have cannot be cured.
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