mrsbrownie

i have no contact with my xabf for 16 weeks now, although i get missed calls from him at 4am every now and then. last week, i got a missed call from his mom, i called back...she said hello, but that's that...i think our line was cut...tried calling her again but she never picked up. i texted her saying that i saw her missed call and that i called back, i wished her well.

today, i had a missed call from her again. she left me a message but she just said hello, ____ (my name). i tried calling her again but her phone (home phone) just keeps ringing.

maybe i am just making a big thing out of nothing...we used to talk a lot when i was still with my xabf...now i dont know what's going on anymore and why she calls, and why she just not leave me messages of whatever it is she wants from me.

it sure stirred up my emotions again, both good and bad.

what do you guys think?

thank you so much for your time.

outtolunch

I think maybe it's time to change your phone number.

oooopps

you get excited because it's your codie issues kicking in. If a relationship is done then let it be done. Perhaps you're feeling that way because you still have some kind of hope.

Vale

I changed my phone #, after a good,stern "cut the BS"
talking to by my SR friends.I didn't want to! I wanted to
see how her story played out.I didn't want her to feel
'her hero' was abandoning her.

After reading SR material in a mode of serious study, my
uncomfortable conclusion was that this was a serious situation.
NOT poor addict & heroic rescuer.....
but ....
......addict and equally messed up codependent!

Kindeyes

If Mom is codependent (which she more than likely is), she will engage in head games......just like an addict does. This sounds like some head game stuff to me. When someone engages in head games of this nature, they KNOW that it's going to mess up your thinking. They KNOW that it's going to knock you off balance.

As the mother of an addict, one of the "fantasies" that I had to let go of was that some wonderful woman would come into my son's life and straighten him out. She may be holding on to that fantasy, thinking that you are that woman.....it's a very powerful fantasy.

Let it go......if she had good intentions, she would have left a full, normal message....not a cryptic, mind messing one.

gentle hugs
ke

dollydo

I agree with Kindeyes, block her number and forget about it.

tjp613

Whatever the excuse, the behavior is weird and immature!! What is she, 13?

mrsbrownie

thanks everyone for your insights...

i finally spoke to her, she said she has having problems with her iphone (cant get a new one yet). we had a good conversation about ourselves, she never brought up her son and so did i....at first.

i feel bad for her and i guess for moms of As as it is very difficult to show love to their A child. she told me she had been to the ER twice in the last 2 weeks, she had chronic ulcers and high blood (i guess brought about by the stress on her AS). she wished me well on my passing with my Nursing program.

KE, somehow i wish what you said is right, because she really did think of me as the "girl" who could probably help her son out, being that i dont do drugs or alcohol and really had so much things in common with his son, he knew too that we really got along well...unfortunately, after i stopped enabling, he went to his hs friend who is an alcoholic and recovering addict which even at first she told me that she didnt like.

She is going to therapy and she was told to let go, which she did. Her AS doesnt go to her as much as he used to so she doesnt see him too. Her AS, my xabf doesnt have anyone close to him (mom, dad, siblings and me who are willing codies/enablers) so he really had to hang on to this new girl who is doing everything to please him right now.

All we can do now is pray for him.

I never knew addiction, being in it, around it is really this difficult. We are all trying to do this NO CONTACT to our As but its hard very hard as we all know that we really do love them and wants to hear from them.

thanks everyone.

tjp613

Oh. Now I feel like **** for my snide remark. I"m sorry!

mrsbrownie

its all good tjp...i know that YOU GUYS ALL MEANT WELL...its just TOUGH for all of us...we want to love, show love but the best way is to IGNORE OUR As... and everyone that is involved with them...but we all have big hearts thats why we dont mind being CODIES and its hard to pull away from that because when human beings love we show it and do everything for our love ones, unfortunately the As have a different world.