reggiewayne

My entire life I've been "all or nothing". It doesn't matter if we're talking about golf, exercise, drinking, not drinking, women, working, favorite foods, etc... I am either 100% in, or 100% out. I've learned that this is fairly common amongst alcoholics.

I have 74 days sober today! When I got back into AA this time I got a new sponsor. He's helped me a ton. He's went through the book of AA with me and I'm working the steps. The one thing he's taught me in addition to the steps of AA is balance.

The idea is to find out what my responsibilities are. For me it's AA, wife, kids, work, family, friends, exercise, and golf. Those are my main interests in life. What he's big on is making sure that all get the proper amount of attention. The idea is if any those get neglected my life is out of balance, it causes me to not be OK with me, and leads me to searching for the fix - which historically has been booze, and a lot of it.

Now, they don't all get the same amount of time - for example, I don't give more time to playing golf than I do my family. But if I don't play golf for 3 weeks I'm going to get "out of balance". Conversely, if I neglect my family to play golf 4 days a week I get out of balance as well. I don't have spreadsheets or don't keep a log, it all sort has fallen into place.

The biggest change I've found is with work. Historically I've blown off work to do what I want. It might be great for the short term, but the anxiety it causes is not worth the short term pleasure of "doing what I want". So, I've found that by working more of a set schedule makes me not as anxious, not worried if my phone is going to ring, and helps me be OK with me, which decreases the urge to drink. It's really amazing....

I'm still a work in progress but I have found myself being more centered than ever before. I always have felt like I was going 190 mph and going nowhere. My solution for my racing brain was booze. That worked for a while but hasn't worked in over 6 years. I had to find another way. For me it all starts with AA. Moreover, working the program and the steps of AA. Learning who I really am in steps 4 and 5. Being willing to believe that there is a Higher Power and I'm not it. Clearing away the wreckage of my past in steps 8 and 9.

It's all centered around me being able to walk with my head high, look people in the eye, and being OK being me. Not wanting your shirt, or your shoes, or your job, or your house. Just being Ok with me.

It's a lot of progress for this alcoholic because it's not "normal" for me to live that way. I have spent my entire life tying to get my way. I've learned that it's the relentless pursiute of trying to get my way or what I've want that has caused me to step on the toes of others, and when the retaliate I'm dumbfounded. Accepting that I'm not in control of others but am in control of my actions is very empowering...

I wish everyone the best. Thanks for listening...

DisplacedGRITS

striking the right balance in my life is something that's become increasingly important to me as well. When i think about how unbalanced my life was when i was drinking i just can't believe it. Not just my physical life byt mentally and spiritually as well. This is so much better.

lily007

I'm a 100% in or out person too. I found it interesting that seems to be a common trait, I do have a tendency to overdo things in general when I like them so it would make sense.