Walked out and need support/answers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Walked out and need support/answers
I'm new here but needed to share my story as I feel embarrassed to tell all to my friends and family. I'm not sure if he's an alcoholic/addict but am coming to the realisation that he is.
We're both in our late thirties and have been dating for six months and everything was wonderful for the first three to four months. We fell in love fast and shared values and dreams of our future of getting married and having a child. He already has one child and is a very devoted and loving father.
Then I started to realize how much he was drinking. He had friends over one night and they were all doing cocaine and drinking until about 5 in the morning. I told him that I didn't want cocaine to be part of my life and he said that he would change. Of course, that didn't happen. It happened about four times since; many of the times ending with me crying and laying in his bed alone. I've seen him really drunk a number of times, once while cooking dinner for his son, while camping with his son and he drank throughout an entire day when we were visiting my family and continued to drink my dad's liquor after everyone had gone to bed.
There were a couple of times when I heard him screaming violently at friends while drinking/drugging saying he would throw him out the f****** window and once saying he needed to get his gun out if this guy came to his house.
We decided to try and work things out and went to dinner and had a decent talk although he accuses me of needing to grow up emotionally and get over my own issues (which of course I have but doing drugs and drinking constantly are not them) and he proceeded to have friends over after our dinner and do the same thing. Drank all night, did cocaine even though I asked him to please not do another line and left me lying in his bed alone while he stayed up partying and playing music.
I woke up the next morning (I know I shouldn't have stayed but was still hoping) next to a hungover guy who was probably going to lay in bed until 1pm thinking this can't be part of my life. I told him I loved him very much but I couldn't be part of this lifestyle and walked out the door. I haven't contacted him since and won't and don't think that he will contact me.
I guess my point of this post was to get support that I have made the right decision and am not being overly emotional or sensitive about this and just needed to be completely honest about the relationship that I feel my friends wouldn't understand and may judge me. Thank you.
We're both in our late thirties and have been dating for six months and everything was wonderful for the first three to four months. We fell in love fast and shared values and dreams of our future of getting married and having a child. He already has one child and is a very devoted and loving father.
Then I started to realize how much he was drinking. He had friends over one night and they were all doing cocaine and drinking until about 5 in the morning. I told him that I didn't want cocaine to be part of my life and he said that he would change. Of course, that didn't happen. It happened about four times since; many of the times ending with me crying and laying in his bed alone. I've seen him really drunk a number of times, once while cooking dinner for his son, while camping with his son and he drank throughout an entire day when we were visiting my family and continued to drink my dad's liquor after everyone had gone to bed.
There were a couple of times when I heard him screaming violently at friends while drinking/drugging saying he would throw him out the f****** window and once saying he needed to get his gun out if this guy came to his house.
We decided to try and work things out and went to dinner and had a decent talk although he accuses me of needing to grow up emotionally and get over my own issues (which of course I have but doing drugs and drinking constantly are not them) and he proceeded to have friends over after our dinner and do the same thing. Drank all night, did cocaine even though I asked him to please not do another line and left me lying in his bed alone while he stayed up partying and playing music.
I woke up the next morning (I know I shouldn't have stayed but was still hoping) next to a hungover guy who was probably going to lay in bed until 1pm thinking this can't be part of my life. I told him I loved him very much but I couldn't be part of this lifestyle and walked out the door. I haven't contacted him since and won't and don't think that he will contact me.
I guess my point of this post was to get support that I have made the right decision and am not being overly emotional or sensitive about this and just needed to be completely honest about the relationship that I feel my friends wouldn't understand and may judge me. Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Thank you
Thank you both so much for the support. I think I do know that I made the right decision, it's just so hard when the love is still there for the person that he could be. I also feel terrible for leaving without being able to say goodbye to his son. His son and I have a very loving relationship and I feel so sad that he will think I abandoned him.
This man will think that it's my problem for leaving as well. He will tell his friends that I wasn't willing to work on the relationship or that it's my issues that ended this and that hurts.
Ugh, I hate that the right decision has to hurt so much!!
Love the T.S. Eliot quote!! May have to put that on my mirror to see every morning.
This man will think that it's my problem for leaving as well. He will tell his friends that I wasn't willing to work on the relationship or that it's my issues that ended this and that hurts.
Ugh, I hate that the right decision has to hurt so much!!
Love the T.S. Eliot quote!! May have to put that on my mirror to see every morning.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
You definitely did the right thing, no question in my mind. It doesn't matter what label you stick on that behavior (alcoholic, addict, etc.)....nobody who behaves like that is relationship material.
Please don't waste a minute worrying about what he will tell his friends. He'll say whatever he has to to deflect responsibility from himself. That's none of your concern.
And remember: sometimes the right thing hurts. Actually, a lot of the time.
Please don't waste a minute worrying about what he will tell his friends. He'll say whatever he has to to deflect responsibility from himself. That's none of your concern.
And remember: sometimes the right thing hurts. Actually, a lot of the time.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I think you did the best thing for you! Good on you.
He said he would change, but his actions didn't match his words. You are a wise woman for looking at the actions and understanding: nothing was changing.
:ghug3
I think you did the best thing for you! Good on you.
He said he would change, but his actions didn't match his words. You are a wise woman for looking at the actions and understanding: nothing was changing.
:ghug3
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