Seagull

Hello everyone.

I don't even know where to start so I'll just begin by introducing my self. I'm a 20 year old guy from Finland. I'm currenlty unemployed and I will start collage this september . I'm also currenly a lead guitarist in two heavy metal bands, I don't want to be snobbish but I'm also quite good at it, ever since I was a little boy I've dreamt of becoming a famous rockstar. I also enjoy swimming and cycling.

So far so good... . But there is a hidden side of me that no one knows about not my friends or even my mother or father. I'm an alcoholic. I'm afraid to tell them because I'm ashamed of it and I'm afraid that they will judge me.

I started drinking when I was around 17 mainly because I was bored at home. Alcohol has always been easly accessible for me becuase my dad is an alcoholic too and I used to live with him. But now I drink because I have a physical need for it...I drink because I'm an alcoholic.

The reality (that I'm an alcoholic) struck me just a few days ago after I woke up from 3 day binge, only to discover that my left side of the body was broken. So what happend? The night before me and my friend were drinking. I downed 0.5L bottle of rum and decided that I need some more. So I hopped on my bike (which is no broken) and started rideing towards the liquer store. Ofcourse I was too drunk to stay in control over the bike and crashed it.

That accident made me seriously think about my life and where my life is going when I keep up the same way of living. I came to a conclusion that I'm providing my self a slow and agonizing death, I'm hazzard to my self and others when I drink. I won't be able to fulfull my dreams and probably fall out from collage and end up in some ditch somewhere with no friends or family.
I finally decided to try and stay sober.

Today is my second day sober. But yesterday started for me like any other day I got up, took a shower, played some guitar and then headed outside to get some booze. Went to the store and bought the damn bottle. When I got home, just as I was about to open the bottle I rememberd what I tought the day before. After about 30 seconds of concidering I opened to bottle and.....poured what was inside down the sink! I felt so good after, like I've done something right, and I did .

Today as I'm writing this I don't feel that good. My appetite is absent, I havent slept properly and I get crawings for alcohol every hour or so. But I know that I will feel alot better in just a week from now, I just have to stay sober!

But I'm afraid, I'm afraid to face the world sober. I'm even afraid to go to the grocery store just ending up walking home with a six pack. I'm afraid going to my band rehersal since my bandmates usually drink a beer or two during it...the idea of being in room with some alcohol just frightens me...the temptation is just too strong right now.


Sorry for my english,
Cheers!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before stopping drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

For me, I had to stay away from people and places involving alcohol for many months, until I felt strong enough to deal with it. Recovery often means making big changes in lifestyle, but it would be well worth it.

IndaMiricale

Welcome

I just love seeing young people get the realization that they may have a problem so early. You can save yourself the awful road that some of us had to take (me for sure). But I am so lucky to be here surrendered at 39, some dont get that chance.

So stick around and enjoy the ride.

Gravesmeister

Boy that's a tough one and I think it's amazing that you realize in just a few years that you have a problem with alcohol. It took me decades to understand that I'm an alcoholic. I think I always knew but never really accepted it. I wish I could have had the understanding that you have already at your age. I could have saved myself several years of health issues and many other negative/horrible things that come along with alcoholism. I missed out on many amazing things throughout my life because of my alcoholism.

I'm a fellow guitarist and I have been so close so many times to going somewhere with my music but my alcoholism got in the way many times. Cracking open a beer while jamming but the next thing you know you've gone through many many beers and eventually I'd end up too wasted to continue. I have even sold equipment just to party for a weekend and then poof now I can't play anymore because I just pawned my gear.
I think that's the biggest reason I never really got anywhere with my music. I sold all my gear and just gave it up telling myself I'm not that good anyway. Maybe I was maybe I wasn't.

I would say just make it through the next jam session and then look up and find out if there are any AA or NA meetings in your area.

I wish the best for you because I know exactly what you're going through. Hang in there man and keep rocking. I'm a metal fan also.

Keep us updated and let us know if you need any more help.

Stevie1

Welcome! And good on ya for pouring the booze down the sink.

You're much smarter at 20 than I was. Visit here often...it's too bad you're not able to get support from your family right now (hopefully that will change). I'd tell your friends what's going on, so they can be a support for you as well.
It's tough at first, but worth it.

Seagull

Thank you so much! I allready feel so much more motivated to stay sober just because you guys are so supportive and know how I feel .

sissy07

Oh, Seagull, I wish I would have been as self aware as you seem at your age!!!! Please do quit....I didn't believe things could ever get as bad as they got for me. Stick around the forum and read some of the stories - some are painful to read, and others are so inspiring and hopeful. I wish you the very best - you have so much going for you....don't blow it. Take care and best wishes - you are doing a brave thing - it is not going to be easy - but please do it now. It will never get easier.
P.S. My dad was an alcoholic too. Ya gotta love heredity, huh?