Shallow

Trying to get sober, got a sponser. I wake up in the morning and the first thing that runs through my mind is x situation that happened years ago. This kind of stuff gets me drunk and is constantly there, its the **** that keeps me up at night. WTF do I do with it. Theres one situation in particular that of course involves a girl that constantly eats my brain up. I dont know if its a resentment or not. I dont think I feel resentful at the other people involved, I of course dont want to see them, the entire situation was my fault. Theyre good successful people today (this **** happened 20 years ago). Is this a resentment? Its the #1 thing that ***** with my head.

Veritas1

Plagued by the past. I can relate.

The good thing about the past being a vivid memory is that you are able to see your truth.

Inability to see your truth, or past would be worse.

It may be hard, but I now look at the things that are coming up for me as things God is showing me.

Things are shown to me so that I learn from it, I believe.

I think also things are shown to me so that I can finally forgive, and let go.

Maybe things keep coming up for us until we let them go or deal with them in some way.

Don't let it get you down.

Be encouraged.

Anna

I had a lot of trouble with that kind of thing too.

Know that you can deal with this. They are thoughts, just thoughts and the thoughts are not you. They can't control you. You can recognize the thought and let it go. For me, I found journalling helped a lot. I started writing the dark thoughts, put them down on paper, and gradually the load lightened.

omegasupreme

Sounds a lot like what steps 4-9 address. Perhaps you could repost in the 12 step forumn?

tomsteve

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning,which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

tomsteve

and talk to your sponsor.

Shallow

I hear ya

omegasupreme

Where are you in the steps?

TTBABP

Not knowing the details of the situation to which you refer I cannot tell if it is a resentment or not. Actually even if I did know the details- I probably could not tell you. You are likely the only one who really knows.

What I can tell you is that I often feel the same way you do about things that happened many years ago and I have come to find out that the others involved in such situations either don't remember them them at all or barely remember them until brought up in great detail and/or they simply do not care. Turns out I'm usually the only one driving myself nuts about these old situations.

IndaMiricale

This is why you have a sponsor, someone to talk to and guide you thru this program. Use it.

Prayers sent your way, work those steps things will become more clear.