Bit Sad, But its For The Best
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
Bit Sad, But its For The Best
Hi all
the reason i came here was because i needed answers about my bf and his addictions (acid and alcohol). i appreciated all the information that i received. a few weeks ago i ended that relationship for i didn't want those addictions in my life. he was angry on the phone when we talked, and after we had time to calm down i decided to end it, as we had a holiday planned to meet my family, and attend a wedding of my niece. he did not go to this event. but before i left i went to pick up my stuff and we talked, and he told me that he was sorry and he understood why i did what i did, and he had stopped drinking for he realised that he could not even drink socially. and as for the acid, he would rather be in a relationship with me than do that a few times a year. so i gave him a second chance. so for last couple of weeks, we went back to normal, but for me things had changed. i started to see how little we had in common, and how immature he was, so i had decided to end it. last night i went to his place for dinner and was meeting a friend of his (this was the first time i had met ANY of his friends and this was the friend he use to go away with and do acid with, or go out on the town and drink with) and during the night i asked about his night out (with this guy) and he told me that he had a few drinks. i didnt say anything, and then watched him have a couple of drinks during the night. i continued to stay silent. he dropped his mate home and i went to bed. (i hadn't said anything about what was on my mind and decided to talk to him on the phone the next day as it was late and didn't want to have an uncomfortable night, and then get on my bike in the middle of the night). when he came home he came to bed and we talked for a little while. i asked him about the drinking and he replied that he was just going to see where that went, and i reminded him that we already knew the answer to that. he said he didn't want to be too hard on himself. conversation on that topic ended. we eventually went to sleep, and he got up and left for work the next morning. i decided to write him a letter telling him that i was say goodbye and why. i also said that although this was not how i wanted to do it, i felt it would be the best way. if wanted talk then i was available. i haven't heard from him since.
i feel bad, but i know I've done the right thing. i could see that his words and actions do not match, and that while he kept the people from his past in his life, (his other mate is a drug dealer, but he did end a friendship with an active addict), then he will continue to relapse. i don't want to watch him go through this, and i do not want this to affect my family. i cared for him greatly and am feeling sad, but i know tomorrow will be a better day. today just hurts. its just that when we broke up before i didn't hurt. maybe this time i know its over, and thats why it hurts.
i want to say thank you for you guys, for without all the info and sharing i don't think i would have given up on him, and let him own his addiction. i think i would have tried to save him. i hope he seeks help, but i know that even without this, we would have broken up. thanks again. just a bit teary tonight, but will be fine.
the reason i came here was because i needed answers about my bf and his addictions (acid and alcohol). i appreciated all the information that i received. a few weeks ago i ended that relationship for i didn't want those addictions in my life. he was angry on the phone when we talked, and after we had time to calm down i decided to end it, as we had a holiday planned to meet my family, and attend a wedding of my niece. he did not go to this event. but before i left i went to pick up my stuff and we talked, and he told me that he was sorry and he understood why i did what i did, and he had stopped drinking for he realised that he could not even drink socially. and as for the acid, he would rather be in a relationship with me than do that a few times a year. so i gave him a second chance. so for last couple of weeks, we went back to normal, but for me things had changed. i started to see how little we had in common, and how immature he was, so i had decided to end it. last night i went to his place for dinner and was meeting a friend of his (this was the first time i had met ANY of his friends and this was the friend he use to go away with and do acid with, or go out on the town and drink with) and during the night i asked about his night out (with this guy) and he told me that he had a few drinks. i didnt say anything, and then watched him have a couple of drinks during the night. i continued to stay silent. he dropped his mate home and i went to bed. (i hadn't said anything about what was on my mind and decided to talk to him on the phone the next day as it was late and didn't want to have an uncomfortable night, and then get on my bike in the middle of the night). when he came home he came to bed and we talked for a little while. i asked him about the drinking and he replied that he was just going to see where that went, and i reminded him that we already knew the answer to that. he said he didn't want to be too hard on himself. conversation on that topic ended. we eventually went to sleep, and he got up and left for work the next morning. i decided to write him a letter telling him that i was say goodbye and why. i also said that although this was not how i wanted to do it, i felt it would be the best way. if wanted talk then i was available. i haven't heard from him since.
i feel bad, but i know I've done the right thing. i could see that his words and actions do not match, and that while he kept the people from his past in his life, (his other mate is a drug dealer, but he did end a friendship with an active addict), then he will continue to relapse. i don't want to watch him go through this, and i do not want this to affect my family. i cared for him greatly and am feeling sad, but i know tomorrow will be a better day. today just hurts. its just that when we broke up before i didn't hurt. maybe this time i know its over, and thats why it hurts.
i want to say thank you for you guys, for without all the info and sharing i don't think i would have given up on him, and let him own his addiction. i think i would have tried to save him. i hope he seeks help, but i know that even without this, we would have broken up. thanks again. just a bit teary tonight, but will be fine.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 40
Jody, you will be superfine! it is a long path and you will heal. Focus on You, get therapy for you, live for you and my paryers will go out for you. You are not alone in this and there is love going out to you from many of us who have walked your path. God bless you (and your bf)
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Jody, I am glad that over time you saw that this wasn't what you want in a relationship, and as sad as it is for you to leave, it would probably have been even sadder to have stayed. The pain you feel now will hurt for a while as you work through it, then slowly you will heal.
Take time to take care of yourself. There are some beautiful new beginnings out there waiting for you...when you are ready.
Hugs
Take time to take care of yourself. There are some beautiful new beginnings out there waiting for you...when you are ready.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
it would probably have been even sadder to have stayed
Ann you are so wise.
be careful on that bike Jody. Dont ride when you're feeling upset. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
wow, he really showed his true colours last night with some nasty text messages about me and my children. i actually feel thankful to him, as moving on and letting go just became that much easier. i feel at peace that i made the right choice for i can see how much negativity i was going to have in my life, and the evil side of his addict brain is very much still active.
for all those who are thinking that their bfs will be different, i will say, listen to what the people in here tell you. there isn't a single thing that they warned me about that wasn't correct. addicts are very unhealthy individuals that live in their own fantasy world. reality is their own perception, and it is warped by their addiction. no matter what you say or do, it will be twisted so they are ALWAYS the victim, and it will ALWAYS be about them. no one here is special or unique in their circumstances, so i don't know why i thought that mine would be any different. no matter the story, or the severeness of your story, the outcome still ends the same way. this is a very powerful disease, and there is nothing any of us can do to control or help it.
I'm just glad i got out when i did. thank you all. i think its time i moved on and i appreciate all of your time and effort. i hope that you will all find the peace, love, and strength to get you through your tough journeys. you are all incredible people. thank you.
for all those who are thinking that their bfs will be different, i will say, listen to what the people in here tell you. there isn't a single thing that they warned me about that wasn't correct. addicts are very unhealthy individuals that live in their own fantasy world. reality is their own perception, and it is warped by their addiction. no matter what you say or do, it will be twisted so they are ALWAYS the victim, and it will ALWAYS be about them. no one here is special or unique in their circumstances, so i don't know why i thought that mine would be any different. no matter the story, or the severeness of your story, the outcome still ends the same way. this is a very powerful disease, and there is nothing any of us can do to control or help it.
I'm just glad i got out when i did. thank you all. i think its time i moved on and i appreciate all of your time and effort. i hope that you will all find the peace, love, and strength to get you through your tough journeys. you are all incredible people. thank you.
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