gincognito

I'm not really a newcomer to recovery. I've been clean from street drugs more than 5 years, and I even had a period of more than 6 months sober. That ended largely due to a lapse of will though a big dose of morphine taken for an urgent medical procedure didn't help. I also went through a period of benzodiazepine use due to sleep disorder. I've asked my doctors not to give me anything from the narcotic or benzo family under any circumstances.

These days I don't seem to stay sober for more than two weeks at a time. When I do drink it's only on a single day and then I get back to my routine of exercise and rest. I've had some luck with AA in the past but I'm beginning to think it was only because I was dating someone with a number of years of sobriety. It seems like meetings are just a hassle I don't have time or energy for and I would rather devote the time to exercise in order to get some endorphins on board.

I work about 60 hours a week and exercise 5 times a week on average, sometimes more. I've been single six months and can't stop whipping myself over how it ended. I'm always tired and struggling to keep up.

Anyway I thought I'd try to get some insight and support here, since I have a forum habit already, and since it's something I can do without having to drive and expend energy.

GiGi13

welcome gincognito! This is a great support forum especially for those who are unable to get help outside of their homes. We all understand how hard it is to stay sober and clean for long durations but many of us are doing it. Read allot of the posts here about others battles back and forth with it.. i assure you, you will have excellent support here to help you!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I have found that balance is essential for me in recovery.

Working 60 hours a week is a lot and it's no wonder you're tired. Being tired is often a trigger to use alcohol or drugs, and I wonder if there is any way you can cut back work hours and spend a little time relaxing? It might help.

I'm glad you found us.

hypochondriac

Love your name Gincognito Welcome to SR.

Have you heard of AVRT. It's a non AA recovery method which might help you.

I'm sure you'll get a lot from coming here x

SobrietyNow

Hi Gincognito. Welcome to SR! You'll find at least some of what you need here, I think. Good luck.

gincognito

Hi All and thanks for the kind words. I will spend some time reading here. I have heard of AVRT though I haven't been exposed to it. The thing is I like AA and especially the spiritual/religious side of it, I'm just afraid it doesn't work so well lately for me. I think I do a poor job forming social connections there though I have no problem at all in doing so in daily life.

I agree that fatigue is a contributing factor in relapse. For me manic activity is in itself an escapist addictive behavior. It's not uncommon to leave the house at 4 AM and return at 8 PM. I don't do this while in a relationship but I live alone and have few close friends and I find that to live alone you've got to live a lot. Going to spend a few hours racing sweep boats this morning and hit a meeting in the afternoon.

Anyway thanks again for the responses, it's wonderful to be able to ramble and be responded to.

GiGi13

I can imagine it may be hard to connect with "like minded" individuals and form new circles of "sober" friends... have you tried different meetings? or even "meet up" groups in your age category... many states have such groups where people can meet for outings and such and you can try to form a new social circle that way.. just a suggestion good luck dear and stay strong!!!

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!

Live2Run25

Welcome, Gin! There are a lot of great people on here and lots of support and information. I wish you the best.

hypochondriac

Why do you think you find it hard to connect to people in AA Gincognito?

You sound very energetic! I live alone too but whether I'm in a relationship or not I have always felt the need to have time to myself. I found when I was really busy I used drinking to zone me out in the short amount of time I had to relax.

Retread59

If you like AA, I'd suggest just giving it more time. We didn't get sick all at once and we won't get well that way, either. I've heard it said that we have plenty of time for drinking but somehow we like to think we don't have time for recovery activities. This is probably true.

The camaraderie and fellowship you seek in AA won't come all at once, but it will come if you find a home group and continue to suit up and show up, find a sponsor, and work the steps. People come and go in AA-- a lot. When people see you there time and time again and see that you really want what they have, they will make more of an effort to include you. At least that has been my experience.