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Old 07-07-2012, 04:43 PM
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Why?

I've just got home after spending an evening with my brother and sister in law. They are heavy drinkers and were very drunk. I had to leave to pick up my daughter from a party and have come home leaving my H there ( he hasn't drunk for almost 6 weeks). I'm trusting that he won't drink now I've gone home.
At one point in the eve, my bro in law asked me if I'd given up drinking completely and why. I thought it might be a good time to be honest although both he and his wife were already completely drunk. I told them I had been drinking too much and felt as though it had got a grip of me and I was better off without it. I omitted being in AA and spared any gruesome details of how bad my drinking had got and how ill it was making me.
I couldn't have gauged their reactions. He asked a few questions and moved on. But my sister in law....she was really cross! Stormed out and then ignored me for the rest of the evening. It was really uncomfortable. I have no idea why she felt like that and I know I'm now going to have a sleepless night imagining and hypothesising and generally over-thinking.
Maybe she feels like I've ruined our usual drunken evenings by acting 'boring'?
Maybe she feels I'm making a judgement on them or her for how she drinks?
Maybe she feels as though I'm forcing my H not to drink (as if I could!)
Maybe she felt I snubbed her by leaving early to collect my daughter?
I'm now feeling anxious and a bit irritated.
I'm doing this because it will quite possibly save my life. Why should it make any difference to her what I'm drinking?
Why does this bother me so much. This feeling of resentment is a trigger and I need to let it go!!
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Old 07-07-2012, 04:48 PM
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Her addiction is angry with you for quitting.

I wouldn't worry about it.
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Old 07-07-2012, 04:48 PM
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Who knows Jeni - there could be any number of reasons.

The fact is you're doing whats best for you - which IMO trumps simply doing whats best for other people every time

D
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Old 07-07-2012, 04:52 PM
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The most likely thing is that you have held a mirror up to her own drinking habits Jeni. Do not feel bad about her reaction. It has nothing to do with you. How can you being sober possibly be a bad thing to anyone who cares about you?!

I have found other peoples reactions really interesting. The only defensive or critical comments I have got have been from people who quite possibly have a drinking problem themselves.

Just carry on looking after yourself Jeni, don't try and second guess her behaviour, it's not worth it. You know that you are doing the right thing for you and your family and you can't be looking after everyone else's emotions too x

Lots of Love xxx
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Old 07-07-2012, 04:52 PM
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One of my brother's asked me half-jokingly if I was insane for stopping... the other said "I'm not doing that" when I hadn't asked him to stop. Biggest support I got was from the sibling with the biggest problem of his own (all of us have drink issues though).

I'd ignore her Jeni. Drunk people over-react about anything... keep thinking you are glad those days are over, let them get on with it.

It's all about you now
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:00 PM
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Well, she was drunk. Probably won't care or even remember tomorrow.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:02 PM
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Thanks, yes you're right. It's amazing how quickly reading on here can soothe me when I'm fretting!
I hate confrontation and any form of anger scares me. That doesn't help.
I am very sure that coming home at midnight on a Saturday night, ensuring that my daughter gets home safely and maintaining my own health by staying sober is EXACTLY what I should be doing. She was so drunk she probably won't remember her reaction anyway. In fact she had started becoming quite aggressive towards her husband so I'm pleased to be out of there. Just hoping now that my H can remain strong as he's staying overnight.
I did just fine I think!
Thankyou all xx
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:06 PM
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she may be questioning her own drinking and not be able to quit. maybe she does not like what she sees the morning after a long night of drinking...we all know that a swollen blotchy face and puffy eyes after a night of passing out looks like.

vast difference in your face and mood when you are sober.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:09 PM
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Yeah, Jeni, I suspect you made her question her drinking and it made her very uncomfortable.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:11 PM
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You did great, Jeni. And if the situation were reversed (in your drinking days) and you responded to her 'not drinking' like that... you probably would have woken up at 3am and worried, worried, worried about your drunken response and hated yourself and wished you were a non-drinker. It's nice to be on the other side of the coin.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:27 PM
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You can't change how people feel about your sobriety. Their feelings are their problem. I bet when she sobers up she's going to feel quite foolish about her actions. As stated above, your decision to quit drinking has caused her to evaluate her her drinking and she didn't like what she saw. You're fine. Keep staying the course.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:43 PM
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I have no idea could be a ton of things that you dont even think of. Thats one thing I really try to work in is over-thinking something out of my control.

Try not to sweat it, And let go and let your HP take control.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:49 PM
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Hi Jeni

I agree with others that your choice is challenging her own attachment to alcohol.

People will feel challenged, but look at the great affect that had on your husband.
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:51 PM
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Hi Jeni,

Reflect on the positive energy you're carrying by being sober and picking up your daughter. Focus on all the good things about that! Don't waste anymore thought on your sister in law.

You need your energy for other things

Have a great sleep

Big hugs....you're doing great Jeni
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Old 07-07-2012, 06:48 PM
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I know it goes over like a lead fart when i talk about quitting
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Old 07-07-2012, 08:39 PM
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My family is the same way. When we have "get togethers," we cook, listen to music, and sit on the patio and drink. Now that I'm not, it gets uncomfortale for all of us. I had an instance where my family was talking behind my back in another room because I wasn't drinking and they were all like "I'm gonna drink." Also, they tend to make it a bigger deal than I do, and that's what makes me feel uncomforable because I'm just trying to maintain some normalcy, ha. Plus, it does take time to get comfortable with yourself sober. I am 8 days sober, and this time, I'm not going to let their feelings about "my" drinking effect my feelings or decisions because I am feeling so good that I have made it this far and I won't let anyone rob me of this huge achievement. That's why this site is so good. People here get it. Sometimes, family doesn't and in my case if I really think about that, it's not just about the alcohol we don't see eye to eye. You can't choose your family, but you can choose to not listen to them!
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Old 07-07-2012, 10:57 PM
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Agree, it could have been a lot of things. Maybe she was uncomfortable or maybe she stormed out because she really needed a bio break! It could have nothing to do with you or what you said at all! I wouldn't give it another minute of your time.
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Old 07-08-2012, 12:01 AM
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I got this reaction alot from people. Others would tell me that they didn't think I was an alcoholic.
It was usually from people who had their own issues.
You're doing great:ghug3
Keep it up
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Old 07-08-2012, 12:12 AM
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Originally Posted by karilynn27 View Post
I got this reaction alot from people. Others would tell me that they didn't think I was an alcoholic.
It was usually from people who had their own issues.
You're doing great:ghug3
Keep it up
me too. people just say 'oh just cut down, just hve 1 or 2' mmmmm well don't you think I've tried that and it doesn#t work!

I agree with pps you have made her see her own problems and she doesn't like it. or she could hve been really drunk and thought you were boring. but it doesn't matter at all. the only important thing is that you didn't drink
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Old 07-08-2012, 06:52 AM
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I have a hard enough time trying to figure out me! I'm sure one day you will have a talk with her and you'll then understand her point of view. For now, just focus on you and your recovery. My sponsor reminds me "what others think of you is none of your business!" This keeps me sane. "More will be revealed" and in time, I often find out the answers to my questions.

Stay strong, stay stopped, and keep moving forward! Be proud of the changes you're making to yourself!

Hugs,
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