My story and what I learned
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 35
My story and what I learned
I have grown up around addicts my whole life, my first addicts were alcoholics. My father was an alcoholic. I remember him coming home having been stabbed in the back in a bar fight, I remember him breaking down our door, I remember him standing in front of the closet door screaming he was going to commit suicide. My mother past away away when I was young and my father got sober, he has been sober from alcohol for over 30 years however he abused Cocaine which had landed him in federal prison for a time.
Growing up in a big city I learned about Crack at a young age. I saw young girls I went to school with turned crack prostitutes overnight, mind you this is when crack was not well known at the beginning stages and you could already see the devastation of it. We moved away but the addictions were not sheltered. I lost someone I love dearly to an alcoholic suicide. I lost other friends in DUI accidents and overdoses. I watched drugs take down a slew of people around me. I even watched a kid we went to high school with get sentenced for raping and murdering a woman while he was high on Coke.
I married alcoholics and had relationships with addicts and former addicts although I never even tried hard drugs and was opposed to their use. You would think after all this I would know better but unfortunately I landed myself in a relationship with a Crack addict. My world was turned upside down in a matter of weeks. Everything I thought I knew about addiction was turned upside down. We were to get married, he proclaimed he loved me more than anything. he put me so high up on a horse, no one could compete, but that fall was monumental. he stole from me, stole from others, lied to me, cheated, had sex with men for crack, vandalized my property and sent my life into a downhill frenzy you wouldn't believe. Almost everyday was drama, the police were involved multiple times, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was hospitalized for possible heart attack and than the man who loved me assaulted me multiple times while high on dope.
I kept going back. he would send me random texts. He would tell me how sorry he was. he was tell me how horrible his childhood was and how the drugs turned him into a monster. he would have dealers deliver crack to him at all hours of the night. I had random people texting and calling my phone (drug dealers) all the while he proclaimed it wasn't his fault, the dealers were evil, he hated this life. I could go on for hours.
Addicts do not care about you, they might for spurt of time but let me tell you, the drug will always be priority over you. When you let them in your house, when you feed them or cloth them...you are enabling them to continue to use. You cannot help them, they must help themselves. there is nothing you can say or do that will stop them from using and I think you must remind yourself of that. I had felt guilty for many years because of the person who committed suicide and I didn't call him back, the addict in my life knew about that and fed off that. he often said "do you want me to hang myself like so and so." I truly believe when you can let go you are doing the most good, when you are housing and feeding and supporting them your are not only hindering them but you are hindering YOURSELF! They will yes you to death and you know what? They will go use again no matter what you say or do. All i say is those of you who are enabling addicts be very careful as I said many times before you might think the addict you are helping is somehow different and had tough breaks but they share many of the same characteristics. if you have children, your children should be priority over any addict!
Remember yourself, your family and your sanity and remember there are resources if the addict truly wants help! there are shelters, halfway houses etc...if they can manage getting dope they can manage taking care of personal needs! It is not your responsibility to support an addict's addiction!!!
Growing up in a big city I learned about Crack at a young age. I saw young girls I went to school with turned crack prostitutes overnight, mind you this is when crack was not well known at the beginning stages and you could already see the devastation of it. We moved away but the addictions were not sheltered. I lost someone I love dearly to an alcoholic suicide. I lost other friends in DUI accidents and overdoses. I watched drugs take down a slew of people around me. I even watched a kid we went to high school with get sentenced for raping and murdering a woman while he was high on Coke.
I married alcoholics and had relationships with addicts and former addicts although I never even tried hard drugs and was opposed to their use. You would think after all this I would know better but unfortunately I landed myself in a relationship with a Crack addict. My world was turned upside down in a matter of weeks. Everything I thought I knew about addiction was turned upside down. We were to get married, he proclaimed he loved me more than anything. he put me so high up on a horse, no one could compete, but that fall was monumental. he stole from me, stole from others, lied to me, cheated, had sex with men for crack, vandalized my property and sent my life into a downhill frenzy you wouldn't believe. Almost everyday was drama, the police were involved multiple times, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was hospitalized for possible heart attack and than the man who loved me assaulted me multiple times while high on dope.
I kept going back. he would send me random texts. He would tell me how sorry he was. he was tell me how horrible his childhood was and how the drugs turned him into a monster. he would have dealers deliver crack to him at all hours of the night. I had random people texting and calling my phone (drug dealers) all the while he proclaimed it wasn't his fault, the dealers were evil, he hated this life. I could go on for hours.
Addicts do not care about you, they might for spurt of time but let me tell you, the drug will always be priority over you. When you let them in your house, when you feed them or cloth them...you are enabling them to continue to use. You cannot help them, they must help themselves. there is nothing you can say or do that will stop them from using and I think you must remind yourself of that. I had felt guilty for many years because of the person who committed suicide and I didn't call him back, the addict in my life knew about that and fed off that. he often said "do you want me to hang myself like so and so." I truly believe when you can let go you are doing the most good, when you are housing and feeding and supporting them your are not only hindering them but you are hindering YOURSELF! They will yes you to death and you know what? They will go use again no matter what you say or do. All i say is those of you who are enabling addicts be very careful as I said many times before you might think the addict you are helping is somehow different and had tough breaks but they share many of the same characteristics. if you have children, your children should be priority over any addict!
Remember yourself, your family and your sanity and remember there are resources if the addict truly wants help! there are shelters, halfway houses etc...if they can manage getting dope they can manage taking care of personal needs! It is not your responsibility to support an addict's addiction!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
You have really been through it. Your post was very helpful to me. I still have such a hard time understanding my AH is really as bad as other addicts. Because I know I don't understand this, I have opted to just stay away from him
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Originally Posted by FindingErica 
You have really been through it. Your post was very helpful to me. I still have such a hard time understanding my AH is really as bad as other addicts. Because I know I don't understand this, I have opted to just stay away from him
I think people forget that are in partnerships with addicts that addicts will put you in dangerous situations with their risky behaviors and it is imperative to tread with caution.
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