Is it recreational?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6
Is it recreational?
I'm new here. I just found out today that my husband has been doing cocaine regularly for as long as I've known him, over 12 years. I don't know all the details, but it seems like he buys 4, 6 or 8 grams every couple of months for him and some friends.
He told me it's recreational, but I don't know what to think. It's a lot of cocaine; I googled today. I've been in shock all day. I'm still shaking.
He thinks I'm overreacting, but everything possible from treatment, counseling to divorce is going through my head and I refuse to be stupid in this situation.
What are your thoughts about his recreational bit?
He told me it's recreational, but I don't know what to think. It's a lot of cocaine; I googled today. I've been in shock all day. I'm still shaking.
He thinks I'm overreacting, but everything possible from treatment, counseling to divorce is going through my head and I refuse to be stupid in this situation.
What are your thoughts about his recreational bit?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
welcome to SR. I hope you find what you need here, I know you will find some support and hopefully insight.
I guess if I spent almost a thousand dollars every couple of months for over 12 years, whether it was the horse track, gardening, spa treatments, art supplies... I would consider it quite a habit! the problem with a cocaine habit is that it is a drug, and habitual use of drugs beget addiction. the behaviors that accompany even the most recreational use of cocaine become habitual themselves, and usually those behaviors are not very attractive except for to the tunnel vision of the user. Part of the behavior most likely includes an increasing propensity to protect the "privilege" to use.
Twelve years is a long long long time to be snorting blow.
I guess if I spent almost a thousand dollars every couple of months for over 12 years, whether it was the horse track, gardening, spa treatments, art supplies... I would consider it quite a habit! the problem with a cocaine habit is that it is a drug, and habitual use of drugs beget addiction. the behaviors that accompany even the most recreational use of cocaine become habitual themselves, and usually those behaviors are not very attractive except for to the tunnel vision of the user. Part of the behavior most likely includes an increasing propensity to protect the "privilege" to use.
Twelve years is a long long long time to be snorting blow.
Just Keep Swimming
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 75
My psch 101 professor in college once said that if everyone did one line of cocaine every day the world would be so much more productive because of the drug's stimulation and ability to increase concentration. The problem however, he said, was that it is not possible for anyone to do one line of cocaine a day due to the drug's highly addictive nature.
I think some drugs can be used recreationally/socially, but cocaine is definitely not one of them. It is powerful. I have seen it change my husband into someone I no longer recognize.
Anvilhead is right that he probably told you much less than he is actually using. Addiction drives lies. You sound very shocked and upset. Please know that it is nothing personal, he is not using 'at you' or because of you. There is nothing you can do to make him stop either. He has to want to do it on his own. And if he tells you he doesn't have a problem then he is probably very very far from that point.
Good luck with everything. Please keep reading and posting here.
I think some drugs can be used recreationally/socially, but cocaine is definitely not one of them. It is powerful. I have seen it change my husband into someone I no longer recognize.
Anvilhead is right that he probably told you much less than he is actually using. Addiction drives lies. You sound very shocked and upset. Please know that it is nothing personal, he is not using 'at you' or because of you. There is nothing you can do to make him stop either. He has to want to do it on his own. And if he tells you he doesn't have a problem then he is probably very very far from that point.
Good luck with everything. Please keep reading and posting here.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
Addiction is not personal. He's not been using at you.
Either you can accept him as is/where is or not. It's that tween part where we delude ourselves into believing that with enough love and support, we can change people that's a killer.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
Addiction is not personal. He's not been using at you.
Either you can accept him as is/where is or not. It's that tween part where we delude ourselves into believing that with enough love and support, we can change people that's a killer.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6
Anvilhead - That's a good point. I have thought for a number of years that he suffers from depression. He has insomnia, mood swings and some other typical symptoms of male depression. He is very athletic though, and will even say that he needs to exercise to keep a good mood.
He drinks too much beer and wine, but he's European and it's not out of place in Europe! But in fact, his father was an alcoholic and got sober 30 years ago.
So addiction is a problem, and now it looks like the depression symptoms are drug related. Money... I have to think about that one a bit more.
He drinks too much beer and wine, but he's European and it's not out of place in Europe! But in fact, his father was an alcoholic and got sober 30 years ago.
So addiction is a problem, and now it looks like the depression symptoms are drug related. Money... I have to think about that one a bit more.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 30
Hi CityGarden
I will wait to see with interest what others post in response. I joined the forum to ask for advice after I was seeing someone who had a coke habit. He told me that he used it recreationally and told me that recently he had used it at his mum's 60th birthday party & at a family wedding, among other occasions.
I don't use it and, whilst I didn't have a problem with him using it recreationally, I did think it was very inappropriate that he took it at family occasions. He kept telling me that he didn't use it that much but eventually he distanced himself from me and then broke off our (admittedly short lived) relationship altogether. I suspect that my non usage was an issue for him as his social life revolved around it and I couldn't/wouldn't have been able to participate in that side of his life. He seemed highly functioning, had a good job, nice family (except his twin sister took a lot of cocaine, according to him and was quite emaciated), and properties that he'd bought with bonuses from work. He looked smart and was charming and funny. I didn't think the coke had affected him particularly.
However, he did keep telling me he was unreliable (and his complete failure to return something of mine that I left at his place despite me asking for it repeatedly has shown me that this is true), he cancelled dates on me a couple of times because he ill, and I think that meant suffering from coke comedowns ("Miami flu"!), and he hung around with some people he said I wouldn't like.
He was also quite paranoid and he told me that he would often come home from work during the week and fall asleep straightaway and would spend a lot of the weekend in bed asleep. I am now wondering how often when I was with him he was on coke. I was quite naive about these things and it didn't occur to me to even look for the signs.
He'd been doing coke since his late teens and is now 34 so probably 14/16 years. It didn't seem to be affecting his looks at all, which is another reason why I didn't suspect it was such a problem at the time.
I can't be sure if this was the reason why we broke up but I do think he valued his "recreational" coke habit above spending time with me. It's not something I can understand. I hope that you get some responses that help you to deal with your situation.
Best wishes
Bristolgirl
I will wait to see with interest what others post in response. I joined the forum to ask for advice after I was seeing someone who had a coke habit. He told me that he used it recreationally and told me that recently he had used it at his mum's 60th birthday party & at a family wedding, among other occasions.
I don't use it and, whilst I didn't have a problem with him using it recreationally, I did think it was very inappropriate that he took it at family occasions. He kept telling me that he didn't use it that much but eventually he distanced himself from me and then broke off our (admittedly short lived) relationship altogether. I suspect that my non usage was an issue for him as his social life revolved around it and I couldn't/wouldn't have been able to participate in that side of his life. He seemed highly functioning, had a good job, nice family (except his twin sister took a lot of cocaine, according to him and was quite emaciated), and properties that he'd bought with bonuses from work. He looked smart and was charming and funny. I didn't think the coke had affected him particularly.
However, he did keep telling me he was unreliable (and his complete failure to return something of mine that I left at his place despite me asking for it repeatedly has shown me that this is true), he cancelled dates on me a couple of times because he ill, and I think that meant suffering from coke comedowns ("Miami flu"!), and he hung around with some people he said I wouldn't like.
He was also quite paranoid and he told me that he would often come home from work during the week and fall asleep straightaway and would spend a lot of the weekend in bed asleep. I am now wondering how often when I was with him he was on coke. I was quite naive about these things and it didn't occur to me to even look for the signs.
He'd been doing coke since his late teens and is now 34 so probably 14/16 years. It didn't seem to be affecting his looks at all, which is another reason why I didn't suspect it was such a problem at the time.
I can't be sure if this was the reason why we broke up but I do think he valued his "recreational" coke habit above spending time with me. It's not something I can understand. I hope that you get some responses that help you to deal with your situation.
Best wishes
Bristolgirl
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 56
Im in no way condoning the use of cocaine, but from my own personal experience related to my husband, it is a drug that can be used somewhat in a recreational way if you define that as sporadic use such as once or twice a month. My husband sustained sporadic use of this drug for years without having it escalate. His use however was still an addiction of sorts because he looked forward to using, and even planned it out as to not interfere with other commitments. He has stopped using cocaine and been off of it for a couple of years now.
Also, Im not saying that your husband is being honest in the amount he is taking, but 4, 6, 8 grams split between several people and used over a period of three months really is not an extreme amount either, and that wont be costing him a thousand dollars, more likely a few hundred.
With my husband back when he was using that drug, I would be able to see him have an emotional crash (mild depression) after he used and it would last for several days. The coke crash so to speak. That crash is what makes some people start using more and more. I never really saw the runny nose, bleeding nose with my husband, but that is something that gets worse with time and more frequent use.
Also, Im not saying that your husband is being honest in the amount he is taking, but 4, 6, 8 grams split between several people and used over a period of three months really is not an extreme amount either, and that wont be costing him a thousand dollars, more likely a few hundred.
With my husband back when he was using that drug, I would be able to see him have an emotional crash (mild depression) after he used and it would last for several days. The coke crash so to speak. That crash is what makes some people start using more and more. I never really saw the runny nose, bleeding nose with my husband, but that is something that gets worse with time and more frequent use.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
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This helped me understand cocaine addiction: Document Details | Chapter 5 of the Cocaine Recovery Book
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back in the day I was around cocaine a fair amount. And I never saw anyone be able to spread their grams over 3 months. It usually went until it was all gone. And it certainly went "all gone" way faster than 3 months.....
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6
Learn2Live - Thanks for the book suggestion.
You all are very supportive, thank you! It's been such a hard day, but I still can't sleep (we're in Switzerland on vacation) so I think I'll write how I found out in another post. I'm still putting a plan of action together.
You all are very supportive, thank you! It's been such a hard day, but I still can't sleep (we're in Switzerland on vacation) so I think I'll write how I found out in another post. I'm still putting a plan of action together.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by CityGarden 
I'm new here. I just found out today that my husband has been doing cocaine regularly for as long as I've known him, over 12 years. I don't know all the details, but it seems like he buys 4, 6 or 8 grams every couple of months for him and some friends.
He told me it's recreational, but I don't know what to think. It's a lot of cocaine; I googled today. I've been in shock all day. I'm still shaking.
He thinks I'm overreacting, but everything possible from treatment, counseling to divorce is going through my head and I refuse to be stupid in this situation.
What are your thoughts about his recreational bit?
He told me it's recreational, but I don't know what to think. It's a lot of cocaine; I googled today. I've been in shock all day. I'm still shaking.
He thinks I'm overreacting, but everything possible from treatment, counseling to divorce is going through my head and I refuse to be stupid in this situation.
What are your thoughts about his recreational bit?
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