Time to get a sponsor - advice please
Time to get a sponsor - advice please 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Hey Hexipuff...This should help. Take a look at the bottom at the site it came from.
Sponsors and sponsorship.
There is an official AA pamphlet on sponsorship that is usually available in the literature collection of most AA meetings. It may also be requested from the local AA Central Office.
Virtually all AA meetings and members recommend that newcomers obtain an AA sponsor relatively early in their recovery. As with everything else in AA, there are no official rules or regulations about sponsors and sponsorship. The basic idea is to acquire a mentor or "Big Brother" or Sister who is willing and able to guide the neophyte as his recovery progresses. Same-sex sponsors are generally encouraged except under unusual circumstances. The suggestion that newcomers have a sponsor is, like everything else in AA, just that, a suggestion. There is no requirement that anyone have a sponsor, and no one checks to see whether anyone else does.
The usual advice is to look for a sponsor "who has what you want," i.e. who appears to be sober and emotionally balanced and who displays the kinds of beliefs and behaviors that one wishes to emulate and from whom one hopes to learn something of value not only about recovery, but even about life itself. Because of the agitated and anxious emotional state of many AA newcomers, it may not be easy to make such determinations until a number of meetings have gone by and the emotional dust has begun to settle a bit. There is no real requirement to "get a sponsor at any cost," so it is permissible and probably better to take one's time and look around a bit before actually selecting someone to ask. This selection is usually done on the basis of observing and listening to the potential sponsor speak during meetings and perhaps noting their interactions with others before and after as well as during the meetings.
Some meetings include in their "readings"(the formalized way in which the meeting is opened or closed) the invitation for anyone desiring a temporary sponsor to contact a particular individual immediately after the meeting. The suggestion is often made to newcomers to seek a temporary rather than a long term sponsor just to get started in the program. Like so-called temporary employment, many but not all of these relationships will mature into lasting ones. Calling them "temporary" merely makes it easier for both parties to retire from them if for any reason they desire to do so.
Sponsorship is a highly individual matter with no fixed rules or regulations. The style and content of the "mentoring" vary tremendously from sponsor to sponsor. Some sponsors have a fairly structured approach with specific suggestions and even "assignments" for those who ask them to sponsor them. They may ask their "sponsees" to call them every day for a while just to get in the habit of using the telephone, or they may assign specific parts of the Big Book or other official AA literature to be read and discussed with them. Sponsors and sponsees often meet before or after the meeting for coffee or meals in order to get to know each other and discuss recovery. Whatever the individual style of a particular sponsor, it is always understood that the sponsee is free and in fact morally obliged to call his sponsor any time he is in trouble or about to drink.
Sponsors and sponsees are absolutely free at any time to terminate their relationship if it is not satisfactory to either of them.
Source...
Your First AA Meeting<
Sponsors and sponsorship.
There is an official AA pamphlet on sponsorship that is usually available in the literature collection of most AA meetings. It may also be requested from the local AA Central Office.
Virtually all AA meetings and members recommend that newcomers obtain an AA sponsor relatively early in their recovery. As with everything else in AA, there are no official rules or regulations about sponsors and sponsorship. The basic idea is to acquire a mentor or "Big Brother" or Sister who is willing and able to guide the neophyte as his recovery progresses. Same-sex sponsors are generally encouraged except under unusual circumstances. The suggestion that newcomers have a sponsor is, like everything else in AA, just that, a suggestion. There is no requirement that anyone have a sponsor, and no one checks to see whether anyone else does.
The usual advice is to look for a sponsor "who has what you want," i.e. who appears to be sober and emotionally balanced and who displays the kinds of beliefs and behaviors that one wishes to emulate and from whom one hopes to learn something of value not only about recovery, but even about life itself. Because of the agitated and anxious emotional state of many AA newcomers, it may not be easy to make such determinations until a number of meetings have gone by and the emotional dust has begun to settle a bit. There is no real requirement to "get a sponsor at any cost," so it is permissible and probably better to take one's time and look around a bit before actually selecting someone to ask. This selection is usually done on the basis of observing and listening to the potential sponsor speak during meetings and perhaps noting their interactions with others before and after as well as during the meetings.
Some meetings include in their "readings"(the formalized way in which the meeting is opened or closed) the invitation for anyone desiring a temporary sponsor to contact a particular individual immediately after the meeting. The suggestion is often made to newcomers to seek a temporary rather than a long term sponsor just to get started in the program. Like so-called temporary employment, many but not all of these relationships will mature into lasting ones. Calling them "temporary" merely makes it easier for both parties to retire from them if for any reason they desire to do so.
Sponsorship is a highly individual matter with no fixed rules or regulations. The style and content of the "mentoring" vary tremendously from sponsor to sponsor. Some sponsors have a fairly structured approach with specific suggestions and even "assignments" for those who ask them to sponsor them. They may ask their "sponsees" to call them every day for a while just to get in the habit of using the telephone, or they may assign specific parts of the Big Book or other official AA literature to be read and discussed with them. Sponsors and sponsees often meet before or after the meeting for coffee or meals in order to get to know each other and discuss recovery. Whatever the individual style of a particular sponsor, it is always understood that the sponsee is free and in fact morally obliged to call his sponsor any time he is in trouble or about to drink.
Sponsors and sponsees are absolutely free at any time to terminate their relationship if it is not satisfactory to either of them.
Source...
Your First AA Meeting<
Hexipuff
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kent UK
Posts: 375
Thanks Sapling
As always you see to think like me and post something that connects in my brain
I have someone in mind. I will try to pluck up the courage to ask. Big step for me. I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean
As always you see to think like me and post something that connects in my brain
I have someone in mind. I will try to pluck up the courage to ask. Big step for me. I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Pick the oldtimer that has what you want and ask him/her to be your sponsor.
By hanging around in their presence you will slowly assimilate their values and characteristics, like a chameleon.
"I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean"
I understand... you're scared to death !! Like I was.
All the best.
Bob R
By hanging around in their presence you will slowly assimilate their values and characteristics, like a chameleon.
"I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean"
I understand... you're scared to death !! Like I was.
All the best.
Bob R
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters 
Pick the oldtimer that has what you want and ask him/her to be your sponsor.
By hanging around in their presence you will slowly assimilate their values and characteristics, like a chameleon.
"I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean"
I understand... you're scared to death !! Like I was.
All the best.
Bob R
By hanging around in their presence you will slowly assimilate their values and characteristics, like a chameleon.
"I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean"
I understand... you're scared to death !! Like I was.
All the best.
Bob R
Hexipuff
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kent UK
Posts: 375
Hello. Back from my meeting. I did it. I asked the lady I had in mind. She hugged me and said it would be an honour. Wow. People say the most lovely things when you're sober.
Thanks to all of you who posted. You gave me the courage. And yes Bob you're right I was scared to death.
Thanks to all of you who posted. You gave me the courage. And yes Bob you're right I was scared to death.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
Pick the oldtimer that has what you want and ask him/her to be your sponsor.
By hanging around in their presence you will slowly assimilate their values and characteristics, like a chameleon.
"I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean"
I understand... you're scared to death !! Like I was.
All the best.
Bob R
By hanging around in their presence you will slowly assimilate their values and characteristics, like a chameleon.
"I appear confident to the outside world but actually very shy inside if you understand what I mean"
I understand... you're scared to death !! Like I was.
All the best.
Bob R
And always remember your not getting married life happens, and if for some reason it isnt working out you can move on. Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Hexipuff
Hello. Back from my meeting. I did it. I asked the lady I had in mind. She hugged me and said it would be an honour. Wow. People say the most lovely things when you're sober.
Thanks to all of you who posted. You gave me the courage. And yes Bob you're right I was scared to death.
Thanks to all of you who posted. You gave me the courage. And yes Bob you're right I was scared to death.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
