edegeare

Spent way too many nights drunk. When I start I want to keep going. Especially if I have had a bad day or just want to escape reality. I have been told that I need to slow down. My friends & family don't necessarily think I need to quit altogether. That if I could learn to just catch a buzz I'll be fine. I think this is because everyone I hang around are all drinkers. However, they are able to control themselves. I recently pissed off & hurt people I love & care about. I have missed going places that I previously obligated myself to going to. Not cool. Yesterday I felt so sick but drank to feel better & guess what? It worked. Although I was on the verge of puking I forced it down. I don't eat when I drink which makes it worse. I need to set a better example for my kids. I don't get drunk in front of them but they see me consume. And I have been drunk before & just hid it. Except for a couple of weekends ago. My 5 year old woke up crying at 5 am & I was passed out & didn't hear him. My friend had to calm him down. That should have been a wake up call but no, while at my soon to be ex-husband's house Tuesday, I drank until I blacked out. Now granted my ex didn't get that bad, I still should have stopped at that point when I felt good but I can't. That is my problem. Is it possible to learn control? Because I've tried numerous times & always seem to lose it. Any advice on how to slowly just quit would be great.

Itchy

Sorry,
Never worked for me for years. I'd overdo it again and then swear tomorrow. Tomorrow never came, I had to quit today, for good. So I did detox the easy way in the hospital for 7 days medically supervised and controlled detox.

SoulforMySoul

I can relate to not knowing when to stop. I don't drink very often but when I do I don't stop until I black out and then I always end up doing something horrible. I stopped a little over a week ago. I don't have a lot of advice on how to stop because what happened to me the last time I blacked out made me realize I had to quit or I would get myself date raped, hurt, and hurt the ones that love me in the process. I know a lot of people on here recommend AA or using 12 step programs. I am not familiar with those but it sounds like it would help you. I just keep telling myself that I am not that person that I am when I'm wasted and in order to stop being that person I have to stop completely. I stopped before and said to myself I can learn moderation and I will be just fine. A couple more blackout drinking nights later I was an emotional wreck not knowing what I had done or who I had hurt. The risk is just not worth it for me anymore. I don't think it is worth it for anyone. Good luck.

Inca

Hmm, once I got to the point when I was pissing people off, missing obligations, and drinking the next day to feel better from the day before, that was a pretty tell tale sign for me that I couldn't learn to control it. It controlled me at that point.

fairenough

Welcome! Your story sounds similar to so many here. You've found a good place for support. It's only been a month for me; there are many here who have great advice and have been at this a while! You likely will hear around here you can't just "cut back". You need to get healthier and that means stop. People on this board understand how tough it can be, and how incredibly better life can be without drinking. Think about talking to your dr, getting to AA or using another method like AVRT or SMART (lots of info here on SR). Personally, watching a documentary recommended here on SR helped me to look at things more seriously. It's called Rain in My Heart and on youtube in 10 sections. All the best to you. We're all here to give you support!

hypochondriac

It sounds like you have a pretty good idea the you can't control your drinking. Many of us have tried doing that for years and still can't, yet many of us still obsess that one day we will have that miraculous switch which tells us when to stop.

If we could control our drinking we would have done it by now.

I'm not sure there is a way to 'slowly' quit either. Many of us tried tapering before quitting, but that whole lack of control thing usually led to it not being very successful!

It sounds like you have a very good reason to give sobriety a go, for which you will get a ton of support and help here. Welcome to SR Edegeare x

MalkavianEmily

Welcome to SR, Edegeare. :ghug3
You'll find plenty of help and support here.
Is it possible to learn control? I'm not sure. I doubt it is, in all honesty. You can engineer situations where you have to limit how much you drink (because of time or some other reason) but when you don't have to... will you still limit it?
For me, I know that if there's alcohol around, and I don't have to think about time, or money (can't buy drink when it runs out) then yes... not a good place to be.

soberbrooke

I couldn't find a way to taper it, I had to have the support of AA to do it. I needed their knowledge to do it. I couldn't do it on my own. I had to get out of my own thinking and start listening to all these other people that know something about alcoholism.

It is a deadly dis-ease. You sound just like me right before I quit. My kids are 13 and 12 though. They have seen enough!!

edegeare

I cannot thank everyone enough for taking time to respond. I will visit this site everyday to seek encouragement to stay on the right path. My family needs me to be strong & to succeed in this life & I don't want to let them down.

lily007

I'm also here because I spent this whole week drunk. I'm here because I know I can't drink it in moderation and it's so far out of my control that I'm afraid of hurting myself while drinking because I can't remember anything. If there was a way to learn how to moderately drink, I would have discovered it by now. I have just accepted that I can't ever be a moderate drinker and now is the day for me to stop setting a date on it or set nightly limitations I can never stick to and just stop.

I'm in the same boat. Stay strong with me. This site and these helpful people are already helping me relieve my onsetting anxiety and depression from withdrawal.

Steve07

Welcome, I'll echo what many others have said, I couldn't find a way to taper or control my intake. I could do it once or twice after I have a drunken night, but soon after I'm right back to not being able to stop after just 1 or 2 so quitting altogether was the only real permanent solution for me. As you've seen there is alot of support on this forum from people who know what you are going through.

2granddaughters

I found that regular attendance at AA meetings got & kept me sober.

I believe you need direction more than encouragement right now. My best thinking and efforts got me HERE. Time to let someone else drive the bus. The 12 Steps of AA filled the bill for me.

I wish you the best in your chosen recovery method.

Bob R

Sapling

Very well put Lily...I think if there was a way we would all be out moderately drinking together. For me....I don't ever remember having one beer.

IndaMiricale

One beer with on shot was my MO, but unfortunatly I always had one in front of me at all times.

Today is so much better than those old day, you can do it.

Hexipuff

I have never found a way to moderate my drinking or cut down. It has to all or nothing for me.
You have come to the right place for help and support and a whole lot more.

I am not long sober but I tell you something I would not swap my 3 months sober for the last god knows how long drinking

Desperation led me to AA and AA has led me to sobriety and has given me my life back.
Keep posting.

Dee74

Yeah I never learned to slow down and 'catch a buzz'...LOL

Welcome to SR edegeare

D

Anna

I was never happy to catch a buzz either. Stopping was the only option for me.

I hope you find support here at SR to stop drinking and to recover, for yourself and your family.

Itchy

Guys I have news for ya. I was able to slow down and catch a buzz almost to the end of my drinking. That's how bad this thing really is! I was able to quit in 2003 for six months after a knee surgery and getting a blood clot, and having to take coumadin blood thinner,and then went back to my usual.

I did drink as a beverage almost to the end. I hated slurring and stumbling but would drink all day after I retired again, but didn't want more than the buzz. I drank 2 beers an hour from 12 noon to midnight which was 24 beers. I am a six foot and then good shape guy. I metabolized two beers an hour. Then I started waking up shaking so bad, I needed hair of the dog every day, and started with scotch in my coffee, and then it was three or four shots in the first hour to feel better, and then from 7 or 8 am to midnight two an hour. that is 34 units a day. I got a yeasty stale beer taste by 5 so I started drinking boxed chillable red and alternated with scotch rocks twist and water.

I never drank to blackout. I never drank and drove. I was steady but straight with a slight buzz and I would slow down if I felt it getting me slurry.
I didn't drink to run away. I was upper middle class and very comfortable.

Despite all that my tolerance kept growing and my addiction taking hold until I was past stopping safely again! And the buzz got a bit more than I wanted some days, and I was sick every morning. The tolerance increase had me drinking that much a day and never getting out of control much at all.

So I never had bad behaviors, and never slugged it down. Just the first few to get the buzz and then maintaining it all day and night. I was never mean or broke.

But I was chained to my house, as good as if I was literally chained. And I would die very soon if I didn't get out of the bind I was in. I was having several bad days a week at that time meaning bloat, vomiting in the mornings, body aches and extreme fatigue.

I was a moderate drinker to the end! It eventually got me too! At the end I was drinking to be straight, and the buzz was non existent like before.

For us, by long term tolerance build up, or binging daily, it is over one way or another in the end.

shapeup

I am only 7 days sober, but I keep telling myself that alcoholism is a progressive disease...known fact. It never gets better, only worse. I know this because I've tried many times to drink better and it only get's worse and I get sicker. I've been in a vicious cycle for 20 years and I'm still young, but not getting any younger. If I don't stop, it will kill me. Is this the way I want my life to unfold? No, I owe myself something more out of life than a million empty bottles. Ok. got carried away, but that's what I keep telling myself.

edegeare

So tonight was the first Friday in a long time where I was able to go to a friend's house & just hang out & not drink. It helps that this friend does not drink. It felt so good to come home sober. I will be able to wake up feeling normal whatever that feels like. Free will feels wonderful.