walkerhound

i have not been at this sober living deal for very long, but I have been reading, I will regulate, moderate and cut back.

My question is, and I am in no way trying to upset anyone; but at one time or another, I believe we all have said this very thing. " I can be like every one else."

Why do we say this to ourselves? Is it our own last effort to try to convince ourselves there is no problem?

when indeed, an addicts brain say's " you bought 12 beers. there is 1 in your hand now. still 11 to go before your done."

I realized, I have been wasting ton's time practicing daily, for a game that has no winner.

I know for me, personally, now, i am excited to get out of work to pick my kids up now, rather than head to the store for the evenings numbness.
Even more simply; I am excited to wake up. I have never been a morning person, but they are much easier to deal with now.

freshstart57

There is one school of thought that says that our drive to seek pleasure through alcohol is a healthy drive, that is how we are wired, to seek food, shelter, satisfaction, you name it. Pleasure is how we reward ourselves for doing good things.

This drive for pleasure can get messed up. I haven't done heroin, but I know that it pulls the pleasure switch chemically and turns the volume to 11. The pleasure rush is so intense that we can forsake our health. Alcohol is the same way for me. It was a pleasurable thing to catch that buzz and the associations that we have made with alcohol over years of drinking.

But, it started to have bad effects that we know all too well. Still, in the back of my mind, was the memory of the pleasure associated with getting buzzed. That memory was the voice of my addiction, still doing everything it could to get fed. Yes, it is our last ditch effort to continue to drink.

We don't need to listen to that voice that drives us to that particular pleasure. We have learned moral rules around things that will hurt us if we pursue them to keep us in check. We can learn new rules around alcohol in the same way.

That's the way I see it.

Anna

It is shocking how the disease of alcoholism distorts our thoughts and convinces us we are okay. I was exhausted from trying and failing, from calculating and planning when I finally decided to stop drinking.

Sapling

I just posted this in another guys thread...It's from the Big book of AA...These guys were talking about this in the 1930's....It's nothing new.

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Inca

I hear ya on waking up in the morning and actually feeling like it's possible to face the day as opposed to hitting the alarm 50 times, waking up, and being willing to pay money to go back to sleep. It's a HUGE change!

Dee74

weldome to SR walkerhound

I dunno about anyone else but I wanted to beat my drinking problem.
I didn't want to be different, I didn't want to change my life and I didn't want to 'lose'.
I was scared of not being who I was - even tho who I was was desperately unhappy.

what I didn't realise then was there was a part of me that was happy for me to think whatever I liked...so long as it still got a drink.

D

hypochondriac

It's funny, I never tried that much to be like everyone else, I just hid the fact that I wasn't in the end. I was well aware that I wasn't able to drink like 'normal' people. It was made apparent by all the times in my past when people tried to 'teach' me how to drink 'sensibly'. From my dad, when I was about 16 telling me to start the night on a soft drink and alternate drinks etc, to an ex boyfriend who tried to teach me how to leave half a drink, and not just stay up til all the booze was gone. I love the saying 'If we could control our drinking we would have done it by now'. I think if we all look back honestly the evidence is pretty strong. All I've ever done is just ignore it.

2granddaughters

AA has worked for me for almost 23 years. You might want to give it a try.

All the best.

Bob R

DisplacedGRITS

Part of my path of sobriety is learning to live like no one else so i can live like no one else.

(This phrase blatantly stolen from Dave Ramsay.)

lily007

I agree and we have all said this and I'm definitely the same way. The fact that I measure my drinks or make sure all the wine os gone before I stop is a huge red flag. I know I'm always the one who makes sure all the drink is gone or I get the last quick "one, two, or five" in before we leave the bar. You're absolutely right about a game with no winner, the only person I am competing with to get the most drinks or most drunk is myself. I often catch myself looking at the clock, planning a time to stop drinking, planning an amount to stop drinking at, etc. If those are "objects of the game for me", I lose at them every time.