Free2BClean

I am no 125 days clean. The longest time I have ever been free from mind altering substances of any kind in 25 years. I wish I could say it is getting any easier, but it isn't. I really screwed up this time...thankfully not enough to go to jail, but screwed up just the same. I am wish I could say that I am happy. I wish I could say I love life and all it has to offer. I just feel hollow. I am thankful that I do not want to use drugs. I just feel so friggin' out of sorts. I attend the local NA meetings and functions. Unfortunately, they are so clique like, I can't seem to find my way. If I hear one more person tell me to broaden my base I will scream. I am trying so hard. I hate this. I feel like the new kid in school again. Oh wait, that is why I used drugs to begin with! Can someone send me some guidance? I pray everyday. Pray hard. Just don't have much of a support system.

Sapling

Do you have a sponsor?...Are you working the steps?

sugarbear1

Tell people how you are feeling, maybe? I'd do it before or after a meeting in a chat....

It takes time to make friends, it does. We come and go so often in the rooms, so it just takes some time. Tell someone you need company and ask them to go out for coffee or ice cream after a meeting, maybe?

Hugs,

Anna

I'm sorry that you're struggling. Congratulations on 125 days clean.

It sounds like you're working hard, and I'm sorry that you're having troubles. Are you able to take any time to just relax and 'be', to have fun? I know that balance is a big part of my recovery.

Free2BClean

Thank you for all of your responses. I have a phenomenal sponsor. I love her dearly. I am working the steps...very slowly which is a good thing. I guess what the big obstacle is..is that I am completely alone. For the first time. No family or real friends for miles. I find it very difficult not to isolate, because I am alone anyway. I go to functions and talk to my sponsor daily. The monster named addiction causes me to want everything to be rainbows and unicorns NOW. I am sure you understand.

CarolD

Welcome to SR....

Sorry you feel so alone ... Glad you shared with us....and
please do use the Steps That's what keeps me going forward.

Sapling

I'm an alkie...I wanted everything yesterday....Let me ask you...Do you have a homegroup and go to the same meeting?....If so...How many days a week?...The reason I ask...My first couple months I was going to a lot of different meetings...And as sugarbear mentioned...You see a lot of people come in and out of the rooms...If they keep seeing your face show up to the same meeting...You're going to meet people. Show up 15 minutes early and stay 15 minutes after...You can also welcome newcomers...You have 125 days...That is a lot to offer someone coming in for their first meeting...Just keep showing up...Don't drink...Help others...Pray and meditate...Keep trudging on those steps...And things will get better...That's a promise...Look at all the friends you have here already. You can also talk to your sponsor about meeting other people...She might have another sponcee with the same situation...Hang in there...Keep coming back! It will get better!

Free2BClean

I have a homegroup. I attend several other groups regularly. I have found that I am shy. Unheard of for me in my active addiction phase. I really need to put myself out there more I guess. Awesome feedback! So glad I found this forum!

Sapling

I'm glad you're here...I'm in Florida too...The recovery capitol of the world!

hypochondriac

Yep, I totally get that. You sound really aware of what's going on with you Free2BClean. So you're shy? So what. It's great that you have this opportunity to find out new stuff about yourself clean and sober. I reckon you'll do great. And you have SR for support too x