rc4dt1

I want to start by saying that I am grateful I have 59 days. I am working a good program (I think) with my sponsor, doing readings, reading self help books, forcing myself to fellowship, and in counseling. From the outside looking in I am doing all the right things. But from the inside I am really hurting.

My girlfriend of 4.5 years left me 24 days into my sobriety. Who knows what the real reason is, probably a combination of not being able or willing to deal with my mood swings and unpredictable behavior and also I think she realized that there is a whole happy life to live out there without me. I understand but it stings nevertheless.

My mind is telling me all of these horrible things like I am never going to get better; that I am never going to find a woman that was as wonderful as her; that I am weird and different because I left a group gathering with other AA's at the beach because I was bored and sad. I know people there and they are nice but I just wasn't comfortable, conversational, or happy. I tried to stay just a bit longer than I wanted but eventually I had to bail.

I suppose these are the types of things I am going to go through in early recovery... battling self-esteem issues, loneliness, etc. I don't want to be a drag but I feel like I am. I am stuck in my head all of the time, even when at meetings and stuff. I dunno, I guess it's a lot to handle all at once. I am in a new city where I moved 6 months ago. I don't really know anyone. I am giving up alcohol and drugs. I am taking a serious look at my life and trying my hardest to change for the better. And on top of that the one person that has stood by (enabled) me through it all has left.

I hate that this sounds like "poor me" but I am just really down right now.

Anna

I was also in a new city when I began recovery and English was not the first language. I was blessed to find a volunteer position that changed my life. It was exactly what I needed and it got me outside of my own head and thinking about other people. Maybe you could look around your community and see what you could do to help?

2granddaughters

2 months is a good start.
Hopefully you have a sponsor and you're using him. That was very important for me, especially at the start when I "fell into my well" of old feelings.
Where is your family? Where is your hometown? Why did you and a 4+yr GF move to a new city?

This will all work out.

All the best.

Bob R

IndaMiricale

My sponsor told me something right away that always sticks around with me.

He said the one of the best things about sobriety is that you get to feel things again.

Then followed one of the worst things about sobriety is you get to feel things again.

Stay on the beam and all will work out.

2granddaughters

My sponsor told me that AA will comfort the disturbed ... and disturb the comfortable.

All the best.

Bob R

rc4dt1

I moved by myself and left her for a job. When I left I was in the midst of a relapse although I denied it consciously at the time. I wasn't working a program and I was uncomfortable so I figured I needed to change what was around me. Little did I know that I was a mess on the inside. Hard lesson to learn but I have to live with the fact that I left her. I told her I wanted to come back but that ship had sailed. She has moved on. I have to do that same but right now I just can't see any light at the end of this tunnel. Thanks for all of your replies.

soberbrooke

My sponsor told me that the best way to get over my funk was at an AA meeting. I have made 90 meetings in the first 90 days, and more. I am still going to meetings to re-wire my brain back into normalcy.
I feel the pain of leaving a relationship, I just left one of 14 years, with kids. It is hard to go from a life of always busy, to busy 4-5 days a week at a time. I am still adjusting, but I am still going to meetings.
When I find myself trying to solve an issue, I immediately think - "This is My will trying to solve this, I need to use God's Will to solve it."
I then write down on a piece of paper exactly the issues that I am trying to solve on my own. I then put them away, into a box, and forget about them. They will get solved, I have faith.

Live2Run25

I'm sorry for your situation. That's tough. But don't throw away your sober time now. You are doing great. Some people can't deal with change, and maybe that's what she was facing. I'm sorry, but if she left you in recovery, that's a pretty rough thing for her to do. Stay sober and clean, and I KNOW you will meet some new and awesome people. Being in a new city..look at it as a new adventure! You can do this.

CarolD

It's my expereince and observation that not all loves are forever.
As I changed....the men I once thought charming and necessary
turned out to not be suitable for the new sober me.

Yes..it did hurt...and I mourned the loss of my dreams for awhile.
Sending prayers for your peace around this situation..

BTW....I was about 60 days when I began to feel back in balance.
Please give yourself time to heal and keep recovery your priorty.

This too shall pass came to my mind when I read of your distress
Well done on the sober 60....

Jitterbugg

Hi rc,
I am with you, bro. I am just over a year into recovery with one relapse during this time. I lost my GF of 6 years when I got sober, which wasn't a big deal to me really, but it left me alone in a new city with a ****** job and no social life. I feel miserable at times because I am starting over from scratch and essentially unfulfilled in all aspects of my life. However, I have been humbled by the experience and I know I will be happy if I stay the course.

I focus on three things right now:

1- Stay sober
2- Stay employed
3- Stay active and eat well

I know if I follow these simple tenets, everything will change for the good. Maybe not now, in a year, or three years....but things will get better eventually. Everything else is gravy...

sugarbear1

Stay stopped, keep working your program. Miracles do happen.

I've had several happen in these past 13.5 months of sobriety. I know yours are around the corner. Relief, freedom, miracles. Amazing what the powers that be can perform when we do the work we need to do.

Big hugs,

whiskeyman

use the mantra, NOTHING AND NOBODY

Nothing and nobody are worth my sobriety.
it got me to where i am today.
One day at a time
359 days wooo hooo

Hevyn

Hello rc. I'm sorry you're down right now, but things never stay the same for long. It's still early days yet for you - you're learning to live in a whole new way, without that buffer you were used to. Getting numb and foggy is no way to spend our days, but it's what we've been accustomed to, & our feelings are very raw in the beginning.

Early on, I had many of the same emotions that you describe. It took a few months for me, and I began to come out into the sunshine again. You'll make it over this hurdle - keep talking to us. We're happy to have you here.

Free2BClean

I can completely empathize with you. I moved to a new place a year ago. Now that I am clean, I don't have any friends either. Well, let's be honest, those people were not my friends either. I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, but I will say that you are never alone. I will chat with you anytime if you like.

rc4dt1

Wow, thanks everyone. I just got home from going to a movie with some guys I know from AA and honestly I sat in the movie almost the whole time and thought about her. It didn't help that I wasn't really into the flick and it had some romantic parts and songs from Coldplay that remind me of times with the ex.

But, to come home and see the outpouring of support really helps me to go to bed knowing that if I stay the course things will get better. I know it's going to take time but I don't ever want to go back to the place I was before and I am learning a hard lesson about how I need to treat others and myself. Bless you all.

Michael66

Hey RC,

Sorry about the break-up. That's going to smart for a while.

You're in my prayers.

CaiHong

Good for you,
keep strong, keep posting and keep posting

love CaiHong

Alan111

I have always found the gym to be a great place tom go when I feel lonely. There is the social aspect to it, and the exercise gets those feel good endorphins rushing.