I cannot understand why
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
I cannot understand why
...and I cannot believe I am writing on soberrecovery.com :-)
I read post for years and thought I don't need help. Well maybe I did more than many others.
I have a nice job, a great life (from outside), ambitions, dreams, great family... friends say I am good looking...I go to the gym...well I am what people would say a successful person.
BUT
I cannot imagine my life without alcohol (and casual sex) ...and I cannot recall real happiness in my life as far as I can remember in my past (that's really bad). For a year or two I drank almost every day. Now only over the weekend. For many years over the weekend, since university.
Why can I not imagine my life COMPLETELY without alcohol? I can imagine it without, for 5 days a week, but not for 7 days a week. Why in my life fun=fun with alcohol?
Tomorrow is Thursday and Friday is getting closer, any answers?
my first post :-) wow I cannot believe it
I read post for years and thought I don't need help. Well maybe I did more than many others.
I have a nice job, a great life (from outside), ambitions, dreams, great family... friends say I am good looking...I go to the gym...well I am what people would say a successful person.
BUT
I cannot imagine my life without alcohol (and casual sex) ...and I cannot recall real happiness in my life as far as I can remember in my past (that's really bad). For a year or two I drank almost every day. Now only over the weekend. For many years over the weekend, since university.
Why can I not imagine my life COMPLETELY without alcohol? I can imagine it without, for 5 days a week, but not for 7 days a week. Why in my life fun=fun with alcohol?
Tomorrow is Thursday and Friday is getting closer, any answers?
my first post :-) wow I cannot believe it
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Welcome to the team, IcanWin (love your nickname!). SR is a great caring community, with plenty of folks like yourself asking questions about themselves and alcohol and other addictive substances. The other main contingent is people who have found their way to a secure permanent abstinence and an end to their addiction.
Make yourself comfy, look around and you will see that you can find your post and many others just like it in these forums. You can also find people sharing their experiences with you, sharing their strength, and offering their confidence in you and hope for your future.
If only from your nickname, I have a feeling that you are going to do well with your journey. I believe that confidence in your success is the magic ingredient. ICanWin, I wish you the best.
Make yourself comfy, look around and you will see that you can find your post and many others just like it in these forums. You can also find people sharing their experiences with you, sharing their strength, and offering their confidence in you and hope for your future.
If only from your nickname, I have a feeling that you are going to do well with your journey. I believe that confidence in your success is the magic ingredient. ICanWin, I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Welcome! You'll find lots of support here.
You may not be able to imagine life without alcohol because your mind has been conditioned for so long to think that alcohol = fun. I too have had problems with the concept and it has caused me to relapse several times. It took me years to even fathom how I would possibly fill my time. I mean, my friends and I would go wine tasting, go for drinks, watch games (with drinks), sit in the sun (with drinks), etc. My problem was that I would always leave these social events and go home to have ten more by myself!
So, I had to branch out and meet other people that did other things besides drink. I found people who like to play sports, go bowling, go to movies, and I've been trying to pick up some other hobbies. I'm only at 4 days this time around, but it has gotten easier over time to see how much more there is out there! And I do still see my drinking friends, although it's not uncommon for them to ditch out on a sober activity for getting too drunk before and passing out. Those are the times I'm thankful for being able to see the jaded thinking I had not too long ago and I pick up the phone and get in touch with sober and reliable company!
You may not be able to imagine life without alcohol because your mind has been conditioned for so long to think that alcohol = fun. I too have had problems with the concept and it has caused me to relapse several times. It took me years to even fathom how I would possibly fill my time. I mean, my friends and I would go wine tasting, go for drinks, watch games (with drinks), sit in the sun (with drinks), etc. My problem was that I would always leave these social events and go home to have ten more by myself!
So, I had to branch out and meet other people that did other things besides drink. I found people who like to play sports, go bowling, go to movies, and I've been trying to pick up some other hobbies. I'm only at 4 days this time around, but it has gotten easier over time to see how much more there is out there! And I do still see my drinking friends, although it's not uncommon for them to ditch out on a sober activity for getting too drunk before and passing out. Those are the times I'm thankful for being able to see the jaded thinking I had not too long ago and I pick up the phone and get in touch with sober and reliable company!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Thanks for posting and sharing and questioning. I had a family, a home, friends, interests but I also had holes in my life I didn'r really see or acknowledge, alcohol filled those holes like tiny ponds and then it was like they weren't even there. Eventually they overflowed and almost drwoned me. Everyone has their issues and reasons. For me i learned ignoring them or pouring booze into them wasn't the answer but became a big part of the problem. My best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 33
Hi icanwin and fellow Londoner,
I used to be like you and could not imagine life without alcohol, all of my 'good times' were related to booze.
Now, a decade later of serious dysfunctional drinking, the good times i remember are the times i managed to quit for months at a time. I am addicted and i hate it. Lifetime sobriety is now my goal and where real happiness lies...
Welcome
I used to be like you and could not imagine life without alcohol, all of my 'good times' were related to booze.
Now, a decade later of serious dysfunctional drinking, the good times i remember are the times i managed to quit for months at a time. I am addicted and i hate it. Lifetime sobriety is now my goal and where real happiness lies...
Welcome
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I can tell you that for most it is more fear than anything else. Once we realize we are alcoholics, problem drinkers, have the dis-ease, are listening to AVs, have no control, or whatever one believes the physical need, and the emotional dependence on alcohol should be called, it is frightening and then plain depressing to admit to ourselves.
It robs us of our courage. What do we need courage for? To learn how to deal with life and start the harder task of finishing where we left off in growing emotionally and in maturity. It intimidates us all. I all but gave up on myself.
I used everything I could find and I learned something that was harder for me to admit to myself than my addiction to booze. I learned I could not do it alone because my way wasn't working that was for sure.
I don't care whether you read a book and isolate, tell the world, go to meetings or not, do everything you can, even reading a book is not alone. And don'let anyone tell you one way is better for you than another way until you have tried each one for yourself long enough to know.
Do that and you have a great chance to make it. Even I managed. . . . With a little help from my friends.
All I had to do was stop getting ready, and start getting to it.
It robs us of our courage. What do we need courage for? To learn how to deal with life and start the harder task of finishing where we left off in growing emotionally and in maturity. It intimidates us all. I all but gave up on myself.
I used everything I could find and I learned something that was harder for me to admit to myself than my addiction to booze. I learned I could not do it alone because my way wasn't working that was for sure.
I don't care whether you read a book and isolate, tell the world, go to meetings or not, do everything you can, even reading a book is not alone. And don'let anyone tell you one way is better for you than another way until you have tried each one for yourself long enough to know.
Do that and you have a great chance to make it. Even I managed. . . . With a little help from my friends.
All I had to do was stop getting ready, and start getting to it.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Welcome to SR!
Try reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it's online and in an audio version. See if you can relate to any of it. Medical science has yet to come up with the answer to "why" just yet!
Glad you are here!
Try reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it's online and in an audio version. See if you can relate to any of it. Medical science has yet to come up with the answer to "why" just yet!
Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR. It's a great place to be. We're glad you found us!
For a long time, I was pretty much the same. I couldn't even begin to contemplate my life without a drink. When I was sad, I would have a glass of wine. When I was happy, I would have a glass of wine. When I was celebrating, I would have a glass of wine. When I was commiserating, I would have a glass of wine. EVERYTHING I did was accompanied with a glass of wine. It was difficult for me to think that I could do things - enjoy myself, live my life to the full, be the person I've always been, without that glass of wine. But I did, in the end, decide that I couldn't carry on the way I was, and through being sober I have realised that all those things I thought alcohol enabled... all those good things I thought alcohol did to me... well, it didn't. It made my life bloody awful. I have only realised that now, after 3 months of sobriety, so I can't begin to imagine the things I will be learning 6 months, or a year down the line.
Alcohol is great for those who are able to enjoy it once in a while and can control themselves. Alcohol is fine if, after you've had that first drink, you can decide 'I don't need another' - if you can leave it half full, then even better. But alcohol is not great for people like me, who just don't know what it's like to even be able to enjoy a drink any more (it's all about the next one) so... it's up to you whether you think sobriety is needed for you, but all I can say is that it is a marvellous place to be, problems or no problems with drinking.
All the best and good luck!
For a long time, I was pretty much the same. I couldn't even begin to contemplate my life without a drink. When I was sad, I would have a glass of wine. When I was happy, I would have a glass of wine. When I was celebrating, I would have a glass of wine. When I was commiserating, I would have a glass of wine. EVERYTHING I did was accompanied with a glass of wine. It was difficult for me to think that I could do things - enjoy myself, live my life to the full, be the person I've always been, without that glass of wine. But I did, in the end, decide that I couldn't carry on the way I was, and through being sober I have realised that all those things I thought alcohol enabled... all those good things I thought alcohol did to me... well, it didn't. It made my life bloody awful. I have only realised that now, after 3 months of sobriety, so I can't begin to imagine the things I will be learning 6 months, or a year down the line.
Alcohol is great for those who are able to enjoy it once in a while and can control themselves. Alcohol is fine if, after you've had that first drink, you can decide 'I don't need another' - if you can leave it half full, then even better. But alcohol is not great for people like me, who just don't know what it's like to even be able to enjoy a drink any more (it's all about the next one) so... it's up to you whether you think sobriety is needed for you, but all I can say is that it is a marvellous place to be, problems or no problems with drinking.
All the best and good luck!
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
I found all of my answers at an AA meeting. The best therapy around! Free! I donate 1 dollar though, if I go everyday then its $365 a year.
I do it One Day At A Time, I don't think of my life without alcohol. I just think of Today without alcohol.
I do it One Day At A Time, I don't think of my life without alcohol. I just think of Today without alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
People, let me just say that I love you all!
Today is Friday and I came back to my post to have some support.
After your words I will try with all my strength to spend the first weekend (ever) from the beginning of the year, without wine.
I should take a client out. He drinks, a lot. I will find a way. I am tired to waking up on a Saturday morning weak and sad. Tomorrow I want to wake up to a brand new day, early! And do stuff like going to the gym, reading a book, cooking, planning my week ahead.
Maybe this forum is the best decision I have taken in a long time
I love you all for your support
Truly
Today is Friday and I came back to my post to have some support.
After your words I will try with all my strength to spend the first weekend (ever) from the beginning of the year, without wine.
I should take a client out. He drinks, a lot. I will find a way. I am tired to waking up on a Saturday morning weak and sad. Tomorrow I want to wake up to a brand new day, early! And do stuff like going to the gym, reading a book, cooking, planning my week ahead.
Maybe this forum is the best decision I have taken in a long time
I love you all for your support
Truly
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Welcome to SR icanwin:ghug3
Why indeed? Why should fun have to involve alcohol? I don't know. I managed to (mostly) keep alcohol away from my gaming, but other than that... In all honesty, I'm not sure whether I drank when I got together with my friends, or got together with my friends to drink. Which was more important, the company, the conversation, or the alcohol? I don't know. I'm starting to think it was the last one.
Let me put it this way, when I stopped being invited, I didn't stop drinking. I just started drinking at home.
You'll find lots of help, support, and love here. And well done on making that first step.
Why indeed? Why should fun have to involve alcohol? I don't know. I managed to (mostly) keep alcohol away from my gaming, but other than that... In all honesty, I'm not sure whether I drank when I got together with my friends, or got together with my friends to drink. Which was more important, the company, the conversation, or the alcohol? I don't know. I'm starting to think it was the last one.
Let me put it this way, when I stopped being invited, I didn't stop drinking. I just started drinking at home.
You'll find lots of help, support, and love here. And well done on making that first step.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Good for you...Don't worry about tomorrow...Just do whatever you have to do...to not drnk today! Maybe plan something nice to do this weekend...Like going to an AA meeting...And see what it's all about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
I MADE IT. Last night I went to a nice restaurant with friends. They do not serve alcohol there, eh eh eh. So there was no choice...
I have just woken up, strong and positive. Had some bad news from the office right in the morning but hey all is good cause I feel in control! Yeeeeessss! I just have to win this Saturday to say I spent my first sober weekend in 2012.
You all helped me so much!
God bless you all, I love you
:-)
I have just woken up, strong and positive. Had some bad news from the office right in the morning but hey all is good cause I feel in control! Yeeeeessss! I just have to win this Saturday to say I spent my first sober weekend in 2012.
You all helped me so much!
God bless you all, I love you
:-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
Sissy, people, world, I made it AGAIN.
Ladies and Gentlemen let me introduce you to my first sober weekend in 2012.
I got it now:
1) I can Have fun WITHOUT alcohol
2) I cannot drink JUST one drink, cause "just 1 drink = getting drunk = being miserable = not fulfilling my dreams". I just have to accept that I am completely done with alcohol like I was with cigarettes.
As simple as that.
I have just come back from Church. I thanked God for all the good things I have.
Writing on this website was very important cause I think till you really have the courage to tell yourself and others " I have a problem, and it's serious", well nothing happens really. Does it?
I wish you all a great Sunday
:-)
Ladies and Gentlemen let me introduce you to my first sober weekend in 2012.
I got it now:
1) I can Have fun WITHOUT alcohol
2) I cannot drink JUST one drink, cause "just 1 drink = getting drunk = being miserable = not fulfilling my dreams". I just have to accept that I am completely done with alcohol like I was with cigarettes.
As simple as that.
I have just come back from Church. I thanked God for all the good things I have.
Writing on this website was very important cause I think till you really have the courage to tell yourself and others " I have a problem, and it's serious", well nothing happens really. Does it?
I wish you all a great Sunday
:-)
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
IcanWin, what an inspiring story you have started. Here is what I take from it, the essential parts so far:
Looks like a great way to be, IcanWin. I had a good feeling about your success, as I said at first. I still do. Congratulations!
- The self confidence you have - look at your username! You knew you could do this.
- You are being mindful, aware of yourself and your feelings as they happen. This gives you 'space' to observe instead of just react.
- You seek and receive support from your community here
- You are grateful for yourself, your success, and everything around you.
Looks like a great way to be, IcanWin. I had a good feeling about your success, as I said at first. I still do. Congratulations!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
