WorkInProgress8

I am having a hard time trying to figure out a nice way to tell my friends that i no longer want relationship advice from them or want to hear about their relationship problems anymore because ive realized that all the advice they have given me over the years is advice they dont even take themselves! I know i am guilty of doing this in the past as well and im being selfish and should just shut up because my friends have always been there for me but its soooooo annoying listening to them whine about their relationship problems these days! My Best Friend, whom i love dearly, has always told me i should be strong, break up with my now XABF, & go no contact because i deserve better. She was right of course like everybody else. But heres the "funny" thing, she just broke up with her BF (not an alcoholic) 2 weeks ago because she was finally tired of dealing with his craziness after 3 yrs: he has a terrible problem with lying to everyone about everything, made a fake Facebook pg and harassed her with it while they were still together, pretended he was in college when they 1st started dating etc. So after all the advice she has given me SHE started contacting him 2-3 days after they broke up!? (rolling my eyes) Any ES&H is welcome! Anybody ever feel like this too or am i just a heartless troll?

Tuffgirl

It's much easier to give advice than to take your own advice!

We can objectively see others' problems versus taking a subjective introspective look into our own.

In general, it is easier to park your butt on someone else's street than to go clean up your own.

Hypocrisy is one of my biggest pet peeves, but I am learning to let a lot of it go. There is no point in confronting, getting defensive, or trying to point others faults. Instead, I smile and nod my head, and go think about something else. And do my very best to continue to focus on my own sh!t.

GoingThrough2

I have always been the preverbial pot calling the kettle black.

~hugs~

MsPINKAcres

For me when others like to offer "suggestions, advice, etc" that I know doesn't come from a "recovery" perspective or it is not from one of my sponsors ~ I tend to use the phrase . . .

"Thanks, but that's ok I know my Higher Power (God) is directing me and I will be just fine."

and then I change the subject ~ most friends will get the message - those that don't, then I usually just leave or hang up the phone ~

Just what works for me ~

wishing you the best
Rita

Thumper

I have found the best way to avoid unwanted relationship advice is to not talk about my relationship with that person. I have learned to get support elsewhere. The tricky part is ending the conversations when they start them but a "I don't want to talk about it." usually works after a couple of times as long as I don't bring it up anymore either. One person was more pushy so I had to get more forceful.

I've also been very bad about this in the past but I've stopped doing it myself. Such a relief for me and everyone else I'm sure

DefofLov

Relationship advice is difficult. I really dislike being tangled up in someone else's mess. It really triggers my codie side. So, I politely listen to friend and I might make a suggestion or two and then I change the subject. Some people I have told outright that I didn't want to hear it because it was just plain exhausting. I, personally, rarely talk to anyone about my relationship when I am in one because I know 1.) a lot of it is totally up to me and its my choice to make and 2.) the main person I should be talking to about issues is the person I am with.

Things are still a bit fuzzy for me because I am recovering from being a serial monogamist and love addict of sorts. But I see absolutely no harm in drawing a boundary with relationship talk.

Love and Light,

Lily

lillamy

I have a friend who is really good at this. When I was going through my divorce, I would come over to her house, sit down with a cup of coffee, and start in on ripping AXH or trying to tell her the latest... and she never said, "I don't want to hear it" -- what she did do is hug me and change the subject.

And somehow, I spent a lot of time with her because of that. And gradually stopped trying to talk about my divorce with her. Because I came away from her feeling so light and rested.

So that's what would try to do -- give a hug and change the subject -- if I weren't such a friggin codie who always feels honored when people talk to me about their sh!t and feel like I have the advice that's going to turn their lives around.

I think the fact that you don't want to hear about their relationships or talk about your own is a sign of health, actually.

onlythetruth

This is an interesting question.

I was friends with a woman for several years, and it seemed that for the most part, our entire relationship consisted of her asking me for relationship advice. Occasionally she'd follow my advice, but mostly, she just complained about the same stuff over and over again. For years, I did the best I could, but finally one day she asked me for advice on the same situation for the tenth time, and I responded that I was confident she could think it through and figure out what was best for her.

Never heard from her again.

NYCDoglvr

Great advice! That and not talking about my own relationships.