lillamy

And sometimes, my dreams tell me what my problems are.
Nope, I'm not going all Twilight Zone on y'all.
I think it's more like... Freud looked at it: While we're awake, the conscious mind (the Ego) and the judgmental mind (the Super-Ego) keep the lid on the subconscious (Id). At least that's how I like to think about it -- like my subconscious is a box with a lid on it... and at night, when the parents are sleeping, the subconscious quietly pushes the lid off and comes out to play...

Anyone who's been married to an A and gotten out of it -- whether through leaving or through your A becoming an RA -- can probably relate to this feeling of almost not knowing who you are when you're not busy controlling/taking care of/paving the way for the A. I know I've been struggling -- as much as I love my job, love the new man in my life, love my kids... I've sort of felt like I'm empty inside.

And when my counselor asked me what I liked to do, I couldn't tell her.
I like to read. I like being outdoors. Sometimes.

Last night, I had a dream that I walked into a bathroom (to use the toilet -- you know those dreams, right?). It was Beyond. Filthy. I mean, there was no way on God's green earth anyone could use the bathroom.

I knew it was AXH who had left it that way, who had fouled up the bathroom. And I knew if I didn't clean it up, nobody would.

So I did.
Scrubbed it. Top to bottom. And then I was finally going to get to sit down on the toilet. I was standing in front of the mirror undoing my belt and happened to look in the mirror -- and saw a tall man, about 6'4", with reddish-brown hair and facial hair. Nobody I've ever seen. And then he disappeared and the mirror was empty. I was looking into the mirror and there was nobody looking back. I didn't have a reflection.

You don't have to be a dream therapist to analyze that dream. It's followed me all day, and I have this urge to go back and do Step 4 again. Although I don't know that a moral inventory is what I need to do. I kind of feel like I did the housecleaning part -- I just haven't furnished the house afterwards...

I know this is random and don't know that I expect any responses, but that dream to me showed exactly what the codependent life is. In a nutshell. So I wanted to share that.

suki44883

I don't do AA, but I did divorce an addict and I do have a daughter who got me so wound up in her issues that I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't even know which end was up! If someone had asked me two years ago who I was and what I wanted out of life and what I enjoyed doing, I don't think I could have answered that question, either.

It wasn't dreams for me, it was time. For a long time after my daughter was out of our home, I was just numb. I just went through the motions of day to day life. It wasn't until about 3 or 4 weeks after she left that I found myself crying about anything and everything. For no known reason, I would just get all teary eyed and break down.

I don't know if it's subconscious or just some internal self-preservation mechanism that kicks in, but it seems to let us regain our sanity in one way or another. Whatever it is, I think it's a good thing. We might not understand it as it is happening, but I think it knows what we can handle and when we can handle it, and starts letting us heal in whatever way we are able to process it. I don't even know if what I just said makes any sense. All I know is, it started to make some sense to me. I hope it does the same for you. (((HUGS)))

kudzujean

I think dreams can tell us a lot, and unfortunately our society doesn't value them much.

I try to remember mine and write them down in the morning.

EnglishGarden

My counselor is a Jungian therapist. He puts a lot of stock in dreams. They are our deep unconscious--our Higher Self--commmunicating in archetypal language, trying to break through the defenses we create with our ego while we are awake.

Even when we don't understand the symbolism with our waking minds, while we are sleeping we are communicating with the Higher Self, and changing.

Very powerful dream you had.

When I was in the worst of it with an A, I was always dreaming of tornadoes and putting myself in the corner of a basement. Or dreaming of wolves or pythons coming after me.

That symbolism was easy to get!

catlovermi

I totally get it.

There's a reason we cannot survive without sleep... the brain needs time without the interruption of consciousness to process through stuff and make progress...

CLMI

Tuffgirl

Interesting Lillamy. I've been dreaming a lot lately, something I never used to remember in the mornings. Since filing for divorce, I have dreamt of every relationship I've had in story lines - none sexual or intimate, but more like...I don't quite know how to describe it...life as it may have been if they had worked out?

And dreams about old high school people...folks from my past...as if I am reliving my life choices in dream style.

I think the significance of my dreams lately have been the changing mind set...going from hoping and wishing to accepting this is where I am at right now, who do I get to be in this new life? I tried on all those other lives and they didn't suit me...who do I want to be now? Like I am having another life do-over, and that's not a bad thing! It's actually pretty darn fun, exploring and learning new things...testing my own limits. Installing a floor doesn't sound like much to some, I'm sure. But to me, it is another thing I can do successfully. Another goal attained. Another thing to be proud of, ya know?

I don't remember my dream last night - I am assuming it may have had something to do with more ibuprofen and a bandaid for my now infected splinter on my finger! ; )

So Lillamy, what do you think the meaning of the man in the mirror is? That one threw me...I get everything else, but who was that man? What did he symbolize?

jamaicamecrazy

Its Jesus...IDK, that was just my first thought although its a little creepy that he was going to watch you pee. Maybe its just someone looking over you.

I too put a lot of stock in dreams. I had a dream that my husband was in an adjacent room while we were eating dinner and he proceeded to put the bed against the french doors and block the entrance. Then he started putting pillows up to block our view. We kept calling out to him to join us but he never heard. Just laid down so we couldn't see him anymore.
And that is pretty much what he has done. Put up barriers around him so he can continue drinking.

Tuffgirl

Chris1000101

I would have that shrink lost! :rotfxko I have never remembered a dream. Then as lillamy mentioned, Scrubbed the bathroom top to bottom. I am glad I do not remember them.

I have gotten better over the years but there was a time when you would want to use a broom to wake me up. My foster dad warned my now ex wife about it. She touched me I flinched and levitated off the bed. When I got my senses together, she was white as a ghost and flat against the wall. She said I hit her, to this day I don’t remember doing it but she would throw the phonebook or use something with a long handle on it to wake me from that point on.

Windmills

I have dreams/nightmares that are pretty easy to decode too. Last week I was considering calling my ex about his complete lack of regard for his daughter (hasn't seen her in 2 months). That night I dreamed he was breaking into my apartment through the window and delivering the worst beating of my life, among other things. Which, as anyone who has read my threads may know, is well within the realms of possibility. I woke up and went straight into a panic attack, that terror stayed with me all day. It was enough to stop me calling though

EnglishGarden

Chris, you made me laugh.

Windmills, maybe just some stored up panic finding release. Off it went, to the winds. Calm coming to take its place.

lillamy

That is a good thing, Tuffgirl!

I have no idea who the man was. Other than that what I got from it was that I reflect the needs of the people around me rather than shine from my own insides...

amy55

I had 2 recurring dreams, both when I was still with the ex, but not since

First

Somehow I was on this cliff on the side of a rock mountain. (I'm afraid of height). Well, it was this bleak dreary day. Started to look like it was really getting dark out. I was afraid. Then the ledge that I was standing on was receding. Felt like I was going to fall,but I couldn't, was terrified of heights. But it was, I finally had to jump, so I did. I landed on a nice sunny sand filled beach. With people all around and children laughing and running around.

Second dream--- I was going to a wedding. It was an outdoor wedding. I get there, and I have to walk to a chair in the back. As I walk thru the grass, there were snakes all over the grass, they kept trying to bite me. But I kept walking, finally made it to my chair. Ceremony was over, now I had to go congratulate the newlyweds. So I did,I made my way up there. Congratulated the wife, my god, she looked just like me, went to congratulate the husband, he turned around, and he had a snake face.

Was that telling or what?

editing only to add, ---- I am divorced

mmk11

I put a lot of stock in my dreams as well. Dreams tell me things i cant or wont acknowledge in my waking life. Great post indeed!

Last night I dreamt I was talking to an eight year old about how to solve my marital problems, but the child was inarticulate and mumbled a lot. This one isn't rocket science!