Codependency, addiction and everything else
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Codependency, addiction and everything else
I am over 5 years in recovery from crack and codependency. I am a little over 2 weeks in recovery from quitting smoking. Irritable? Oh, that does not even begin to explain how I feel
Most of you know about my niece, "the brat". I love her dearly, I want to smack her sometimes, she is the child I never had.
She is getting married on Saturday. She is 5 months pregnant. I've tried to talk to her about things, and admit - I've never been pregnant, but I certainly have been a big part of a lot of babies' lives and was an NICU nurse.
I tried to find hotels where she is getting married (KY) months ago, only to be blown off. Now that we are 4 days from the wedding, all hell is breaking loose about where dad, stepmom and I are going to stay. We have a dog...has to be allowed in the motel.
To complicate things, sm (stepmom) got really f'd up on pills the other day - was falling all over the house, totally out of it. I am still angry about it. Dad was gone on a trip, I was left to deal with her.
I'm an RA, I KNOW that how she was? I was that way, too, but I did it totally on my own.
I've made reservations for rooms where the brat is getting married (her bf's family is throwing the wedding in KY). Stepmom is all worried about the dog, we have to take her with us.
I had enough..told her I would check on the dog during the wedding. I do know that my niece has repeatedly asked if I was going to be at her wedding. I will. I was there the day she was born, I fed her her first bottle, she is the kid I never had.
I don't know if I'm being codie or if I'm just doing what I feel I need to do. I AM angry that all this has been left up to me, but seriously? She's my kid and if the enablers in her life (my dad and stepmom) can't do what should be done? I will. I just don't know that I'm not being an enabler, too. I know...enabling is doing what they could do for themself. She can't, I can, live and learn.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Most of you know about my niece, "the brat". I love her dearly, I want to smack her sometimes, she is the child I never had.
She is getting married on Saturday. She is 5 months pregnant. I've tried to talk to her about things, and admit - I've never been pregnant, but I certainly have been a big part of a lot of babies' lives and was an NICU nurse.
I tried to find hotels where she is getting married (KY) months ago, only to be blown off. Now that we are 4 days from the wedding, all hell is breaking loose about where dad, stepmom and I are going to stay. We have a dog...has to be allowed in the motel.
To complicate things, sm (stepmom) got really f'd up on pills the other day - was falling all over the house, totally out of it. I am still angry about it. Dad was gone on a trip, I was left to deal with her.
I'm an RA, I KNOW that how she was? I was that way, too, but I did it totally on my own.
I've made reservations for rooms where the brat is getting married (her bf's family is throwing the wedding in KY). Stepmom is all worried about the dog, we have to take her with us.
I had enough..told her I would check on the dog during the wedding. I do know that my niece has repeatedly asked if I was going to be at her wedding. I will. I was there the day she was born, I fed her her first bottle, she is the kid I never had.
I don't know if I'm being codie or if I'm just doing what I feel I need to do. I AM angry that all this has been left up to me, but seriously? She's my kid and if the enablers in her life (my dad and stepmom) can't do what should be done? I will. I just don't know that I'm not being an enabler, too. I know...enabling is doing what they could do for themself. She can't, I can, live and learn.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Ugh, 2 weeks, no smokes, I feel your pain. Have you tried Chantix? Miracle stuff. Horrible side effects but they go away eventually.
Wedding stuff doesn't sound like you're enabling. It sounds like you're getting dumped on and stressed from it. Best thing for stress when you're feeling it is to breathe as deeply into your belly as you can. This is also what you have been missing since you quit smoking. When you smoke you inhale more deeply than normal so you've stopped doing the deep breathing you didn't even know you were doing. LOL
Let me know if you need any deep breathing pointers.
Wedding stuff doesn't sound like you're enabling. It sounds like you're getting dumped on and stressed from it. Best thing for stress when you're feeling it is to breathe as deeply into your belly as you can. This is also what you have been missing since you quit smoking. When you smoke you inhale more deeply than normal so you've stopped doing the deep breathing you didn't even know you were doing. LOL
Let me know if you need any deep breathing pointers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hi Amy , I think you are being strong and loving your niece. Weddings cause stress in the best of situations, so why should your experience be anything but normal LOL?
This too shall pass. Your family will go to the wedding and all will be wonderful.
I hope you have a great time and see your loving niece on what should be the happiest day of her life
Hugs,
TT
This too shall pass. Your family will go to the wedding and all will be wonderful.
I hope you have a great time and see your loving niece on what should be the happiest day of her life
Hugs,
TT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thank you both. I am determined that this wedding will be awesome. The brat is 5 months pregnant, wedding was sort of spur of the minute, but it doesn't matter. I've always been the one she counts on (well, since I got into recovery) and I intend on continuing that. We fuss, we argue, but in the long run? We love each other dearly. We are not related by blood, but we are related by heart. I will not enable my stepmom nor my dad. I will do what I think is best and it's only because of all I have learned here.
I have to admit...it feels pretty good to do what I think is best for me and the ones I love. I spent many a year being a raging codie. I may still slip and slide, but I don't do it very often, and it's thanks to all of you
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have to admit...it feels pretty good to do what I think is best for me and the ones I love. I spent many a year being a raging codie. I may still slip and slide, but I don't do it very often, and it's thanks to all of you
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Dolly)) - to answer your question - I never had a child, for whatever reason...God's doing, I don't know. My niece is the child I never had. I was there the day she was born, I fed her her first bottle, I spent days and days with her after her mom died when she was only one.
We have had some MAJOR disagreements, over the years, but there is a great amount of love between us. She tells people I'm her big sister (yeah...32 years older!), she has told me that no matter what, she knows I have her back. She can get on my last nerve, but let anyone harm her? I will have her back.
I was an only child. Her mom was my very first little sister. She was 16 when she got pregnant with brat, 17 when she had the brat, and 18 when she died in a car wreck. I know...I complain about the brat, but in all honesty? She's my kid and I try, so hard, to teach her about codependency. She is 4th or 5th generation ACOA. We have our differences, but we also love each other.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
We have had some MAJOR disagreements, over the years, but there is a great amount of love between us. She tells people I'm her big sister (yeah...32 years older!), she has told me that no matter what, she knows I have her back. She can get on my last nerve, but let anyone harm her? I will have her back.
I was an only child. Her mom was my very first little sister. She was 16 when she got pregnant with brat, 17 when she had the brat, and 18 when she died in a car wreck. I know...I complain about the brat, but in all honesty? She's my kid and I try, so hard, to teach her about codependency. She is 4th or 5th generation ACOA. We have our differences, but we also love each other.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Dolly))) - You get it Going from an only child to NOT an only child is quite an adjustment, but my neices, nephews, stepbrothers and stepsisters? Wow, what a blessing
Trust me, I will be posting pictures
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Going from an only child to NOT an only child is quite an adjustment, but my neices, nephews, stepbrothers and stepsisters? Wow, what a blessingTrust me, I will be posting pictures
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I would love to see the pictures, I was an only child for 11 years, that somehow has
molded my life for the better. I have a half brother and a step sister, they both have
enriched my life and for that, I am grateful.
molded my life for the better. I have a half brother and a step sister, they both have
enriched my life and for that, I am grateful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I am SOOOOO excited about her baby girl, due in Oct. I just want to lead a good example. The brat is 4th/5th generation ACOA and I sooooo want this baby to not follow that path. All I know to do is lead by example, but seriously? I'm not sure that is enough. It is, however, the best I can do.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
