JFMariani

I appreciate everyone here sharing their tales and wonder if anyone can give me some advice. I'm friends with an ex who is addicted to heroin. I am trying to be a friend to her because I do honestly love her. I detach myself pretty well and only listen to her stories and try to give her advice. I know we are not friends (she doesn't know how to be) but I do not think I am doing anything to enable her. Recently her family has stopped talking to her. They are tired of her ways. I believe this is why she calls me to talk as I have replaced her mother who use to do this but can't anymore. Her mother once questioned why I was still around in her daughters life as everyone else would have given up based on what she has done. My question to all the mothers on this is what should i do? Do i owe it to her family as someone who cares about her to also stop contact/treating her as my friend. My friend is to any eye almost at rock bottom and I don't know if I am preventing her from hitting said bottom. There is another person who doesn't do drugs that is there for her. He really is her enabler...her bf...her older landlord who just got her an apartment. Of course I know this is a con and will end badly. What would a mother want me to do? Continue this type of support or for the sake of everyone move on?

* This was previously in another thread.

Ann

Take a read around here and you may see why others advise you to leave.

The only person who can help an addict is the addict themselves...when they are ready. If love could save them, not one of us would be here.

I'm glad you joined us and hope you will find the courage to step back here.

Hugs

Learn2Live

I am not a mother but I have been in something close to your position with a friend I have known nearly my whole life who is addicted to crack. When I looked at him, I saw death quickly approaching. I tried to help him. What I learned from that experience was that addiction and addictive thinking are much, much stronger than I. The addiction creates a reality for the addict that is parallel to those people in the addict's life, but designed to use those people for the sole purpose of causing and allowing the addict to use. Basically, EVERYONE in the addict's life becomes a pawn. Men, women, children, parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, co-workers, EVERYONE. And the addiction will cause the addict to keep the players separate and to pin one against the other. Sadly, it's been my experience that the only way to help is to leave. For many, it gets to the point where the presence of anyone in their lives only serves to strengthen the addict's denial.

zoso77

JFMarini...

Welcome to the Board.

I'd like to draw your attention to Learn2Live's signature. If you're not aware of this, that's the Serenity Prayer, something that as time has gone on means a great deal to me.

I'm sorry about your friend. It's really not my place to give advice. What I can tell you is your friend is going to do whatever it is she does. She's going to have to find recovery on her own, and sometimes that means going as low as one can go. It's a horrible thing to watch, but in the end, we are powerless over someone else's addiction.

My suggestion is your read some of the sticky notes at the top of the homepage, especially "What Addicts Do".

If you want, you can PM me and I can share with you my experiences.

Best,
ZoSo