10 Signs It's Time to Let Go
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10 Signs It's Time to Let Go
Another article good for the soul.
10 Signs it’s Time to Let Go
by: Marc
10 Signs it
Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier.
Here are ten signs it’s time to let go:
1. Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else. It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.
3. You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us. We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave. That’s what love is all about – freedom. However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson. If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it. Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait. Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. It’s about what you live for. It’s about what defines you. It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly. It’s about those little quirks that make you, you. People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.
5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life. Either way there’s a positive outcome. Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do. In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you. And trust me, some people will totally surprise you.
6. Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth! When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on. We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
7. You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it. Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets. Life is not about making others happy. Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.
8. You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Know when to close the account. It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
9. You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate. Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing will ever happen. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned. It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.
10. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences. Read The Power of Now.
And the one thing you should never let go of is hope. Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward. Someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”
:ghug3
10 Signs it’s Time to Let Go
by: Marc
10 Signs it
Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier.
Here are ten signs it’s time to let go:
1. Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else. It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.
3. You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us. We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave. That’s what love is all about – freedom. However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson. If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it. Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait. Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. It’s about what you live for. It’s about what defines you. It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly. It’s about those little quirks that make you, you. People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.
5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life. Either way there’s a positive outcome. Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do. In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you. And trust me, some people will totally surprise you.
6. Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth! When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on. We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
7. You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it. Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets. Life is not about making others happy. Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.
8. You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Know when to close the account. It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
9. You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate. Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing will ever happen. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned. It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.
10. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences. Read The Power of Now.
And the one thing you should never let go of is hope. Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward. Someday all the pieces will come together. Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated. And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
1. Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else. It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.
I wish I'd known this a long long time ago. Trying to find out who Windmills is, after being broken into a fragment of my former self, is difficult and heartbreaking. Not wanting to speak or allow people to know my truth and what I'm about through my own fear of being judged or disliked or abused is hard. I don't even know my own opinion most of the time and I don't know how to form one. I'm scared of having opinions, I wasn't allowed a voice for a very long time and now I'm scared to use it.
I wish I'd known this a long long time ago. Trying to find out who Windmills is, after being broken into a fragment of my former self, is difficult and heartbreaking. Not wanting to speak or allow people to know my truth and what I'm about through my own fear of being judged or disliked or abused is hard. I don't even know my own opinion most of the time and I don't know how to form one. I'm scared of having opinions, I wasn't allowed a voice for a very long time and now I'm scared to use it.
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Thank you so much for posting this.
I had myself a really good cry after reading this.
I wish I'd known this a long long time ago. Trying to find out who Windmills is, after being broken into a fragment of my former self, is difficult and heartbreaking. Not wanting to speak or allow people to know my truth and what I'm about through my own fear of being judged or disliked or abused is hard. I don't even know my own opinion most of the time and I don't know how to form one. I'm scared of having opinions, I wasn't allowed a voice for a very long time and now I'm scared to use it. Windmills, I know exactly how you feel. I couldn't have said it any better myself.
Big Hugs to you. From one 'shattered identity' to another.
I had myself a really good cry after reading this.
Originally Posted by Windmills 
I wish I'd known this a long long time ago. Trying to find out who Windmills is, after being broken into a fragment of my former self, is difficult and heartbreaking. Not wanting to speak or allow people to know my truth and what I'm about through my own fear of being judged or disliked or abused is hard. I don't even know my own opinion most of the time and I don't know how to form one. I'm scared of having opinions, I wasn't allowed a voice for a very long time and now I'm scared to use it.
Big Hugs to you. From one 'shattered identity' to another.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 30
I would say 2, 5, and 8 to a certain extent apply to me. But I have such a hard time reconciling the person I knew and fell in love with versus the person they are now - using, caught up in their addiction and I have such a hard time giving up hope - not for me, I am gonna make it, but for THEM. I have read so much about Letting Go, Detaching With Love, and The No Contact Rule, and most of these concepts do make sense, but I ask for how long? Do you detach and have no contact for life? How the hell do you do that? Of course I don't want to live with an active user. I don't want to be lied to or taken advantage of. No one does! What hurts the most - what I grieve for are the times he wasn't lying, wasn't taking advantage of me. I can see that tiny piece of his heart that is good and wants a normal life more than anything. He is so lost in his mental health issues and his addicition, so caught up in past patterns, that he is his own worst enemy. He doesn't love himself. Also, I struggle as a Christian woman who is trying to love him as Christ loves him - unconditionally. I know Christ doesn't want to see me sad or made a fool, He is gone now. He comes in and out of my life. This last time was the worst. Before I wasn't sure if he was lying to me. This time it was blatant. And he even forgot things he said and got himself all tripped up. It got to the point where I didn't want to hear from him, because I dreaded the lies and deceit. A real big change I can assure you - I used to love to hear from him. I know I can't help someone who doesn't want it. I know I am not to take this personally. Easier said than done. I have stopped journaling about him. Removed his phone number from my phone. Deleted my facebook account ( just too much temptation) He is so far away, I know I don't have to worry about seeing him. The only thing I continue to do is to pray for him. I will never give up on him. I made him a promise once that I never would and I intend to keep that promise. I want him to see that I am different from everyone else that he has encountered in his life. That I am a real christian who is sincere in what I say. I think my religious convictions are what drew him to me in the first place. So confused, so sad, and yet I hope. My life goes on. I have a wonderful life. I am truly blessed. I know I can't sit around and wait for him to change - he may never. The saddest thing is that it's not that he can't do it - people do it all the time, it's that he won't do it. And that drives me crazy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
ooops,
This is a wonderful list.. I started to just print it out, but decided to send it to myself, and copy it in my own handwriting. When I write it myself, I remember, because I can "see" it in my mind's eye.
I also want to thank you so very much for the link to Marc and Angel Hack Life. I signed up for the feed, and it looks like there is much more contact with sites like theirs.
I appreciate this.
:ghug3
Beth
This is a wonderful list.. I started to just print it out, but decided to send it to myself, and copy it in my own handwriting. When I write it myself, I remember, because I can "see" it in my mind's eye.
I also want to thank you so very much for the link to Marc and Angel Hack Life. I signed up for the feed, and it looks like there is much more contact with sites like theirs.
I appreciate this.
:ghug3
Beth
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
I was slowly buy surely forgetting my worth, not anymore. He was shaped like a life-ring, he looked like a good friend, and sounded like a friend, turns out he is more like an anchor, weighing me down with negativity.
This list of ten things has opened my eyes. I might not have been seeing it, but I have been feeling it for a long time.
Now, I am off for growth and wisdom.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by thislittlelight
But I have such a hard time reconciling the person I knew and fell in love with versus the person they are now - using, caught up in their addiction and I have such a hard time giving up hope - not for me, I am gonna make it, but for THEM. I have read so much about Letting Go, Detaching With Love, and The No Contact Rule, and most of these concepts do make sense, but I ask for how long? Do you detach and have no contact for life? How the hell do you do that? Of course I don't want to live with an active user. I don't want to be lied to or taken advantage of. No one does! What hurts the most - what I grieve for are the times he wasn't lying, wasn't taking advantage of me. I can see that tiny piece of his heart that is good and wants a normal life more than anything. He is so lost in his mental health issues and his addicition, so caught up in past patterns, that he is his own worst enemy. He doesn't love himself. Also, I struggle as a Christian woman who is trying to love him as Christ loves him - unconditionally.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Ah, but that is when the enabler is not being their true selves, they believe they are doing it out of love or obligation, but it is really about control. The enabler says to the addict, "Now here is some more help (to keep you from reaching bottom) and we will keep up the charade that I am helping you."
And the addict plays along to get what he needs to get high. "Sure, Mom, you know how much I love you, you are the only one I trust, the only one who will help me, the only one who loves me."
This was my experience, while I was in denial about my heroin addicted son drinking, I would act upset, but I was still actually relieved he was at home with me, not "out there." He knew this and used this fear to keep moving the goal posts, one beer after school became a six pack before he got home. Then, I started to smell marijuana in the house again. He and his younger sister were smoking together. How sweet. More denial from me, and stomping my foot. We all played a role until I found a needle in his room. Game over. Get out. That is when he told me I was a rotten useless bitch of a mother who abandoned him when he was 4 because of my drinking (which was true, and I felt guilty for years). I said, You are right, but now, get out.
That is when we all stopped playing enabler, addict, addict, guilt. I took myself out of the game (guilt enabler) and put my son out. Then it was me and my daughter. She went to jail soon after.
I got off track. LOL. I am saying when I was enabling, I was not being who I could be, I was taking the road of least resistance, and as an addict my son was not able to be who he could be. We both were different people. Expectations galore, resentments multiplied.
Beth
And the addict plays along to get what he needs to get high. "Sure, Mom, you know how much I love you, you are the only one I trust, the only one who will help me, the only one who loves me."
This was my experience, while I was in denial about my heroin addicted son drinking, I would act upset, but I was still actually relieved he was at home with me, not "out there." He knew this and used this fear to keep moving the goal posts, one beer after school became a six pack before he got home. Then, I started to smell marijuana in the house again. He and his younger sister were smoking together. How sweet. More denial from me, and stomping my foot. We all played a role until I found a needle in his room. Game over. Get out. That is when he told me I was a rotten useless bitch of a mother who abandoned him when he was 4 because of my drinking (which was true, and I felt guilty for years). I said, You are right, but now, get out.
That is when we all stopped playing enabler, addict, addict, guilt. I took myself out of the game (guilt enabler) and put my son out. Then it was me and my daughter. She went to jail soon after.
I got off track. LOL. I am saying when I was enabling, I was not being who I could be, I was taking the road of least resistance, and as an addict my son was not able to be who he could be. We both were different people. Expectations galore, resentments multiplied.
Beth
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: tucson, az
Posts: 16
Fourmaggie: I just have to say I read so many things that you say that I feel. I said I will not give up on him and I haven't, but I am beginning to give up my fantasy world and accept where he is. I have decided to not be addicted to his drug along with him and he has free will just as we all do. I understand and take care of yourself!
I just have to say I read so many things that you say that I feel. I said I will not give up on him and I haven't, but I am beginning to give up my fantasy world and accept where he is. I have decided to not be addicted to his drug along with him and he has free will just as we all do. I understand and take care of yourself!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Lara
Your words are how I am feeling this morning..... I know, I know, by reading everyone's advice that we need to walk away - detach - let them go.....but HOW do you let someone go you love so much!!! Why can't we make this work?? Why not through prayer and God this can't work out?? Why won't H fully recover - WHY can't H be the exception to the rule! He stuck by me through EVERYTHING...through the tragic death of my brother and my father....through everything he was there for me - financially, emotionally, spiritually....why can't I be there for him??? WHY is is called codependency!!! Is there a balance between support and walking away!!!!! I don't want to let him go....I want to be with him and walk besides him like he did for me all those years ago!!!!!! I am so so heartbroken...... the rest of my thread is under "is there ever hope of a loving relationship?"...
I have been where you have been and even though it hurts I am happier now, I am a better person and my daughters are healing along with me (though there will always be damage due to my selfish, self-involved, obsessive, co-dependednt behaviour). All I can say is wish him well and keep him in your prayers. He is not the only one for you, you will find a man who thinks the earth of you, who wants nothing more than you to become whover you need to, who adores your son (this is part of your package I guess), who will do whatever it takes and contributes to you... they are out there BUT you need to heal completely and to allow your heart to become whole again!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 43
Lara...
I identify with the quote and what you wrote. Completely. I look at my addict and I see him as the boy from his mother's photos. I see him as the youth that swept me up and showed me magic in the world and passion in his embrace. I see the warrior that has protected me from so much in the world... but himself. I see a man completely torn through to the very soul. I look in his eyes and I see...into him. And deep in there I see where there is the faintest hint of his humanity...and it screams at me for help whenever I peer in too deeply out of my love and my desire to connect. And that humanity? That screaming, beautiful little boy deep inside? That's what causes me more agonizing misery and pain than any minion of hades could ever take credit for.
It's hard...to believe...that it's not real. I can't...believe it's not real. That I don't see what's locked inside and wanting out. He wants a real life. He wants normalacy. A big part of him honestly doesn't understand why we can't move in together. Why I won't marry him. Why a sick part of me is almost relieved I misscarried our child.
Just...thank you for what you wrote here....I have felt incredibly alone in my conflicting emotions...in what I've felt must be insanity. Because I truely believe that love doesn't run away. And I truely believe I can see his inner beauty and I can see the truth that this is not what he was made for...
Thank you for sharing your struggle with...the same things I do...not wanting to walk away, not being able to stop loving him even if I do. And refusing to give up despite all of the good advice from good friends. I just can't. Because I can't give up on him.
I think...I feel like if I do...I have conceeded to accept something completely outside of my usual way of thought as a fact of life...and I'm just not big enough yet (I guess)...to be able to do that.
I identify with the quote and what you wrote. Completely. I look at my addict and I see him as the boy from his mother's photos. I see him as the youth that swept me up and showed me magic in the world and passion in his embrace. I see the warrior that has protected me from so much in the world... but himself. I see a man completely torn through to the very soul. I look in his eyes and I see...into him. And deep in there I see where there is the faintest hint of his humanity...and it screams at me for help whenever I peer in too deeply out of my love and my desire to connect. And that humanity? That screaming, beautiful little boy deep inside? That's what causes me more agonizing misery and pain than any minion of hades could ever take credit for.
It's hard...to believe...that it's not real. I can't...believe it's not real. That I don't see what's locked inside and wanting out. He wants a real life. He wants normalacy. A big part of him honestly doesn't understand why we can't move in together. Why I won't marry him. Why a sick part of me is almost relieved I misscarried our child.
Just...thank you for what you wrote here....I have felt incredibly alone in my conflicting emotions...in what I've felt must be insanity. Because I truely believe that love doesn't run away. And I truely believe I can see his inner beauty and I can see the truth that this is not what he was made for...
Thank you for sharing your struggle with...the same things I do...not wanting to walk away, not being able to stop loving him even if I do. And refusing to give up despite all of the good advice from good friends. I just can't. Because I can't give up on him.
I think...I feel like if I do...I have conceeded to accept something completely outside of my usual way of thought as a fact of life...and I'm just not big enough yet (I guess)...to be able to do that.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 5
10 Signs it’s Time to Let Go
Thank y’all so much for being such good people.I too believe life is about helping your neighborRegarding #5 - My husband and I did not get along when we first met. Then we got to know each other.5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. This one says a lot.And this part - a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life.
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