Moving Back in with my Boyfriend
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Moving Back in with my Boyfriend
Do you guys remember how I was trying to stay away from my boyfriend for a little while so I could think things through. And how my parents were wanting him out of my life , and I moved back in with my mom and dad. I kind of got an attitude about my standing up to my boyfriend and giving him a hard time about everything that he said and did.
On Saturday he came over to my parents house without my asking and he wanted to talk to all of us. He was so sorry about everything he had ever done in his life. He told them most of the version on truth that he had given me after we got home from his being held by the police. He poured out the poor pitiful me and begged them to forgive him because my parents he said were like family to him and it was tearing him apart that they no longer trusted him and that they wanted us apart. He said he would do anything they asked if they would give him a second chance, and give me their approval to be with him again.
My parents bought it, they felt sorry for him because he sounded so sincere. My dad had tried to get information from the police department about my boyfriend and what happened when he got taken in, but our police wouldn’t get involved. He also talked to someone out there never even called him back. So I think he gave up on trying to get information, and he is just accepting what my boyfriend told him. It wasn’t all the truth but most of it was. And later he said that I was
He spent all Saturday with us even though I was now a little angry with him because he knew I wanted some time but I think because I had been playing games with him the past week and trying to show him that he didn’t control me well he jumped in and took over everything.
I mean I did enjoy being with him and having my parents being nice to him again. Later in the day he got hold of my parents again and thanked them for being here for him and how much they meant to him and he was so sorry for everything. I mean he seems so sincere and I don’t know what to think anymore.
He wants me to move home with him, and he has said he will do anything I want. He talks about how perfect everything was for us and how happy we were and we were ! I feel like Im the one who is going psycho now. And he know all the buttons to push and make we weak and want him. Yesterday I tried to talk to my mom about what should I do and she said it was up to me. She said maybe they were wrong about him. He is back at work and they know he has been working for weeks to make things up to me by sending me flowers and gifts, and never once did he lose his cool with my parents.
Last night I spent the night with him and it was so nice to wake up with him this morning, and we ate breakfast together and the off to work he went. And it was so normal. I think Im going to tell him tonight that I will move back in. It feels right.
What I wanted to ask you was that since he said he would do anything, I mean should I really tell him some things I want him to do if I move back in. I cant think of anything except no more lies and he already promised that.
oh and Im going to go to another meeting this week, I have been reading some of the things I got at the meeting. Some of it I dont know if Im crazy about, and it looks like a lot of work to learn all this stuff.
On Saturday he came over to my parents house without my asking and he wanted to talk to all of us. He was so sorry about everything he had ever done in his life. He told them most of the version on truth that he had given me after we got home from his being held by the police. He poured out the poor pitiful me and begged them to forgive him because my parents he said were like family to him and it was tearing him apart that they no longer trusted him and that they wanted us apart. He said he would do anything they asked if they would give him a second chance, and give me their approval to be with him again.
My parents bought it, they felt sorry for him because he sounded so sincere. My dad had tried to get information from the police department about my boyfriend and what happened when he got taken in, but our police wouldn’t get involved. He also talked to someone out there never even called him back. So I think he gave up on trying to get information, and he is just accepting what my boyfriend told him. It wasn’t all the truth but most of it was. And later he said that I was
He spent all Saturday with us even though I was now a little angry with him because he knew I wanted some time but I think because I had been playing games with him the past week and trying to show him that he didn’t control me well he jumped in and took over everything.
I mean I did enjoy being with him and having my parents being nice to him again. Later in the day he got hold of my parents again and thanked them for being here for him and how much they meant to him and he was so sorry for everything. I mean he seems so sincere and I don’t know what to think anymore.
He wants me to move home with him, and he has said he will do anything I want. He talks about how perfect everything was for us and how happy we were and we were ! I feel like Im the one who is going psycho now. And he know all the buttons to push and make we weak and want him. Yesterday I tried to talk to my mom about what should I do and she said it was up to me. She said maybe they were wrong about him. He is back at work and they know he has been working for weeks to make things up to me by sending me flowers and gifts, and never once did he lose his cool with my parents.
Last night I spent the night with him and it was so nice to wake up with him this morning, and we ate breakfast together and the off to work he went. And it was so normal. I think Im going to tell him tonight that I will move back in. It feels right.
What I wanted to ask you was that since he said he would do anything, I mean should I really tell him some things I want him to do if I move back in. I cant think of anything except no more lies and he already promised that.
oh and Im going to go to another meeting this week, I have been reading some of the things I got at the meeting. Some of it I dont know if Im crazy about, and it looks like a lot of work to learn all this stuff.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I can't tell you what to do or what to tell him to do. It's really not anyone's place to tell someone else what they need to do. He is going to do what he wants to do anyway.
All I know is I have learned over the years and through way too many relationships, that once it has gone bad, I NEVER go back. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
All I know is I have learned over the years and through way too many relationships, that once it has gone bad, I NEVER go back. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
All I know is I have learned over the years and through way too many relationships, that once it has gone bad, I NEVER go back. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by PaperDolls 
Why rush to move back in? Try taking it slow.
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Originally Posted by cynical one
I would have a proper advanced medical directive in place prior to moving back in.
Ok I dont even know what this means. We arent getting married yet, just going back like we were for the last 6 months. Nothing legal
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live
I can't tell you what to do or what to tell him to do. It's really not anyone's place to tell someone else what they need to do. He is going to do what he wants to do anyway.
All I know is I have learned over the years and through way too many relationships, that once it has gone bad, I NEVER go back. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
All I know is I have learned over the years and through way too many relationships, that once it has gone bad, I NEVER go back. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
Lots of times people lie abotu things in their past because they are ashamed and then the lie goes on and it gets found out or something and it has to be dealt with but usually its ok to fogive the person I think,
Dont you think you cant hold someones past against them when they have tried to change and arent doing bad things now?
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by pinkchampagne
I was trying and everything he was doing was ok I think. I mean I liked him buying me lots of stuff. Eve nif some of it was stupid, and I liked messing with him and acting all tough like I didnt care. And I know it was driving him crazy but I mean that is not very adult way to act I dont think.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
Pink,
I understand your point about people changing and agree that that is definately possible. So....what work has your bf done to change. You should make a list so that you can clearly see the efforts he has made over the last three years - then you may have a more complete picture of the situation. Major life change takes work, effort and continued maintenance - particularly with such a short time (which 3 yrs is) he should still be working hard at it and you should be able to see those efforts.
I would think the list would include things like - 12 step meetings, therapy, sober living, change in friends, giving back, volunteering, supporting others in their recovery, making amends, taking 100% responsibility for himself......
Just a few ideas there for you....now go make your list.
I understand your point about people changing and agree that that is definately possible. So....what work has your bf done to change. You should make a list so that you can clearly see the efforts he has made over the last three years - then you may have a more complete picture of the situation. Major life change takes work, effort and continued maintenance - particularly with such a short time (which 3 yrs is) he should still be working hard at it and you should be able to see those efforts.
I would think the list would include things like - 12 step meetings, therapy, sober living, change in friends, giving back, volunteering, supporting others in their recovery, making amends, taking 100% responsibility for himself......
Just a few ideas there for you....now go make your list.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by pinkchampagne
He told them most of the version of the truth...He poured out the poor pitiful me...My parents bought it... It wasn’t all the truth but most of it was...because I had been playing games with him the past week...well he jumped in and took over everything...I feel like Im the one who is going psycho now. And he know all the buttons to push and make me weak and want him....he has been working for weeks to make things up to me by sending me flowers and gifts
Originally Posted by pinkchampagne
I think Im going to tell him tonight that I will move back in. It feels right.
Originally Posted by pinkchampagne
oh and Im going to go to another meeting this week, I have been reading some of the things I got at the meeting. Some of it I dont know if Im crazy about, and it looks like a lot of work to learn all this stuff.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
Pink if you are 26, then I am only one year older than you at 27. Your thought process really blows my mind.
You ask for advice and help but then you argue against it.
I say that you have made up your mind and to let you learn your own life lessons because I think it's important to respect YOUR decisions too.
If you decide to be with your boyfriend who has this "PAST" that you're willing to accept, then who are we to say you should do otherwise other than offer and share our own experience... which doesnt seem to help you anyways.
You ask for advice and help but then you argue against it.
I say that you have made up your mind and to let you learn your own life lessons because I think it's important to respect YOUR decisions too.
If you decide to be with your boyfriend who has this "PAST" that you're willing to accept, then who are we to say you should do otherwise other than offer and share our own experience... which doesnt seem to help you anyways.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Pink...
One of the burdens of adulthood is taking responsibility for our choices, for good and for ill.
It is not my place to tell you what to do. What I will say is I hope that you understand what it is you're dealing with. Please do not live in denial in terms of what you want as opposed to what is best for you. I made that mistake and got my head handed to me after a month. If you haven't already, please re-read "What Addicts Do".
Be Safe.
ZoSo
One of the burdens of adulthood is taking responsibility for our choices, for good and for ill.
It is not my place to tell you what to do. What I will say is I hope that you understand what it is you're dealing with. Please do not live in denial in terms of what you want as opposed to what is best for you. I made that mistake and got my head handed to me after a month. If you haven't already, please re-read "What Addicts Do".
Be Safe.
ZoSo
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
IME, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Forgive him? Forgive him for what exactly? For some sin he committed against you? What a person does, he does to himSELF. And that is not my business. That is between HIM and his Higher Power. Not between him and me. Because I am not the Center of anyone else's Universe. It is MY job to keep MY side of the street clean and to put in place appropriate and healthy boundaries against hurtful, unhealthy people.
If a man makes an oath under God to marry his wife and be faithful, but then goes and cheats, who has he harmed? The wife. And by virtue of being married under God, he has hurt himSELF and his relationship with God. How can a man UNDO an affair in his wife's heart? HE CAN'T. What forgiveness is there that a human being can give to repair the damage done by the spouse? What forgiveness can you give to repair this BF's way of thinking, behaving, and acting? It accomplishes nothing but continuation and strengthening of his Denial.
If a man makes an oath under God to marry his wife and be faithful, but then goes and cheats, who has he harmed? The wife. And by virtue of being married under God, he has hurt himSELF and his relationship with God. How can a man UNDO an affair in his wife's heart? HE CAN'T. What forgiveness is there that a human being can give to repair the damage done by the spouse? What forgiveness can you give to repair this BF's way of thinking, behaving, and acting? It accomplishes nothing but continuation and strengthening of his Denial.
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