TimW

Here's something weird. Over the last month or so, I've been on and off drinking, usually about the three or four day mark, once I lasted a week. Funny thing is that in this month, I've never really been drunk. I'll take 2 - 4 drinks and feel like it's pointless. Like I can't hypnotize myself with alcohol + music or film and get right into it. For me ... it just feels like BS. Like I'm trying to kid myself. Before this month, I never had this 'problem'. I'd just keep drinking and have fun with it. I feel pretty healthy of late, so I just don't understand the reason why I'm not interested in drinking to excess. The addiction is still there, driving me constantly to obsession until I take the first drink, but when I get there, I'm just not interested in it anymore. I can't absorb myself in music, living in the moment like I used to. Is this because I'm growing out of it? Or is my body tired from it? If I stay off it longer will I want to drink to excess after the break, or am I truly moving on?

Change4good

I am like this as well. And I am still an alcoholic. Remember that the disease is progressive. Why monkey with it? Try 30 days with no booze, and see how it feels to you.

TimW

Yeah on one hand 30 days seems like too small a goal, on the other it's too much. I'm just at a point I guess where I'm trying to reevaluate things ... then gather a strategy...

Yes it's a progressive disease. But shouldn't that progression lead me to drinking more rather than less?

Sapling

Not if you are trying to drink less and you can't stop completely on your own.

TimW

Well, I'm not drinking at all most days. But when I decide to drink it feels heaps different than it does usually. It feels fake. It used to feel like going home ... or kind of funny / crazy ... but I don't have the push drive myself that far.

For some reason the early evening after tea is very hard to 'get through', like when I don't drink I have to squash a hope that it could be more. Once you break that barrier, then I'm free to relax and go to bed watching T.V etc, which is a new habit I'm finding I'm addicted to. But that barrier is still there every day. My morning, afternoon, sort of clings to it in the back of my mind. No I probably won't drink, but maybe just maybe I will, and it will be sooo good... But what I don't see coming is the first drink down and then not really caring for more. Just not feeling it like I used to. Strange.

Sapling

I had the same thing happen to me...It wasn't working for me anymore...It wasn't fun....I just quit doing it...And all of a sudden I'm happy without it.

TimW

Do you think it's like you grow out of it? I know that I had a problem with shoplifting as a kid, and then gambling a bit later on, but I reached a point with both of those that I decided to stop and never looked back.

Sapling

I'm not sure if I grew out of it...I was just tired of thinking about it...Tired of worrying about it...Tired of losing things because of it...Tired of what it was doing to me.....I think I was just tired of it.

2granddaughters

Why not try "One Day at a Time"

That's the strategy of AA and it's worked for me for quite a while.

All the best.

Bob R

CraigA

Take a look at you in general not everyone is an alcoholic, maybe you are unhappy with you, I don't know your story but take a look at you. By no means am I saying to keep drinikng but if you are able to stop and walk away there mifght not be a problem with alcohol but if you are thinking about the drink when not drinking you might have a problem.

Do a self-examination on yourself to see where you might be, find a method loook around here there is other sources to examine. Me I couldn't drink just a few and stop there was no question I was an alcoholic, once I started I got drunk! A.A. worked for me i am sober today throught the grace of God and the fellowship!!!

Good luck and keep posting your questions!!!

TimW

Well, I would say I'm a very serious alcoholic. I've never had a problem admitting that since my friends were already halfway there before I started, and for the first year I was half trying to kill myself with it due to my environment. But that was years ago.

I shouldn't be drinking because I was diagnosed with an inflamed pancreas a year or so ago. I also believe my gall bladder is inflamed too, due to the similar pain.

I've never been too worried about this because I've had gallbladder and pancreas pains since my second year of drinking, and they were much worse back then. I used to drink to black out on a daily basis and was barfing black goo. I stopped drinking spirits and wine and stuck to beer for six months, and then took wine and spirits in moderation after that and haven't had it return. According to the internet the inflamed pancreas is very serious, and I guess the information there counters my theory. I really hate the idea that you can't fix it either, that it's inflamed forever, sort of defeats the purpose of trying to heal.

Anyway a month or so ago, the pains were much worse. Since the moderate on off drinking they are sort of there but very mild. And all of this is nothing like how it used to be.

So yeah. Another thing is during this last month, I've stayed away from wine and kept mostly to beer. Alcohol is alcohol, sure, but that cask stuff tastes terrible and I was a serious mess when I was shoving it down in May and before.

I think I am getting better at this sober thing. Meaning I enjoy my sober nights, and waking up refreshed. I guess the voice is still up to his old ways tricking me with false promises. Good thing his appetite is reduced.

2granddaughters

For now .....

If you keep dancing with the bear, the bear will always lead.

All the best.

Bob R

Sapling

I think it might be a wise move to stop relying on the internet and talk with a doctor about what is going on in your life. It's a great place to start.

TimW

Yeah good idea.

sugarbear1

Be careful, Tim. It's your "alcoholism" playing games with you. I have been where you are. If you can try to stay stopped, do it. We never know what can happen that one day where all heck breaks loose....

Try a 90 day drink-free period and see how life is then, maybe?

Best Wishes,

TimW

OK. Guess I will try to give 90 days a shot. Haven't ever made it that far since I started, so it's a big ask. I mean, from today it seems totally great to have that to look forward to, but sitting around at 6pm eight days from now ... who knows how I'll make it?

But still. It's something that has to be done. Gotta keep tryin'.

Sapling

Don't ever stop that.

IndaMiricale

Wishing you the best. I agree give the ol 90 a shot, your mind will be thinking much different by then.

hypochondriac

*Hugs* to you Tim x

I've been where you are. I had loads of times where I suddenly realised I wasn't drinking as much and thought maybe I was okay now. Then along comes the tiniest little crisis, or just a little something to p;ss me off...and I'm back on the booze big time again.

It hurts me to know that you have serious health problems from drinking and yet are not sure quitting is for you. I gave up spirits years ago and just stuck to beer, so it didn't seem like my drinking was progressive either, but the problems, health and otherwise, I suffered from because of alcohol were progressive.

Are you using anything to help you quit Tim?

TimW

Well I'm thinking I'm going to try 90 days for real *again* this time... So I am trying to stop yeah. I'm not using anything to help me stop (I assume you mean meds). I also have heart palpitations by the way which also started in the second year. I'm thinking I might give up caffeine and sugar... Make the detox a serious thing...